William Topaz McGonagall, The Worst Poet Ever
Posted on Thursday, June 12, 2008I know I told you about McGonagall before, but it was in the early days when nobody passed this way, so I make no apology for telling you again.
William Topaz McGonagall was a shite poet, a poet so bad he became famous. This is the man who ended his most famous work, commemorating the Tay Bridge disaster, with the observation that
… the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
I can still see our late friend Jock gasping for breath with tears running down his face as he recited it for us.
Tremendous stuff.
Here’s the entire poem for you, and I want you to enjoy it for what it is. Then go and visit this site where you can read all about the great man: McGonagall Online.
The Tay Bridge Disaster
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
‘Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”
When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”
But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.
So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.
It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.
___________________
Elsewhere:
Stumble it!
June 12th, 2008
Mighty lines indeed.Hilarious.I wonder if he’s the inspiration for the great Spike Milligan’s book,William McGonagall…The truth at last. I read in one of the nationals recently that a hand written volume of that idiot’s haggis induced shite sold for £6500.
My day has been brightened greatly. Thanks.
June 12th, 2008
Mule Taker: I believe you’re correct about Mr Milligan.
June 12th, 2008
It is a pleasure to listen to Billy Connolly reading this stuff with the Tay Bridge in the background and a wee twinkle in his eye. I don’t know where the link may be.
Having said that, lots of people equate rhyme with poetry. I used to be one of them. Now I talk good prose and am quite content.
June 12th, 2008
Benny: You’ll find no argument here. Verse is something different to poetry, though they sometimes coincide.
June 13th, 2008
Its still better than Lily Allen’s lyrics. Maybe he’s her inspiration.