Why Did They Put Cameras In Our Phones?
Posted on Sunday, July 20, 2008We were sitting in a darkened pub, staring glumly into our pints and reflecting on the futile stagnation that is life. As the clock ticked out the seconds of our existence and a cobweb undulated in the half-light, the sour old barman watched us grimly, alert to any sign of levity. Laughing is not permitted in Bombay Mick’s.
I’m glad we came here, said Parkenstein. It really makes me feel alive.
Me too, muttered Festy. I love the buzz in this place.
We fell silent again until, after half an hour, Parkenstein nodded to to the barman. Three pints.
Do you know what? I said.
What?
What?
Wasn’t it a strange decision to put phones in cameras?
No, said Festy.
What else would you put in them? asked Parkenstein.
Nothing, I said. They’re phones. I mean, why not have a combined mobile phone and beard trimmer? Why did nobody think of that?
Because you’d only trim your beard once a day, said Festy, but you could use the camera all the time. He reached for his pint wearing a smirk of triumph.
You could trim other people’s beards, I countered. You could shave your legs and eyebrows. You could cut your hair to the bone. You could carve messages on your dog. Anyway I was just giving an example. There’s other things you could build into a phone.
Such as?
Don’t know. A vibrator, maybe?
Great idea, said Parkenstein, but you’d have to make it, you know …
Festy was frowning. Yeah, it would have to be …
Protected? I offered.
That’s it, agreed Parkenstein.
Yeah, said Festy. Protected is good, but it wouldn’t work with a Blackberry.
Or a house phone, added Parkenstein.
I took a good strong slug of my pint and stared at them with contempt.
Typical, I spat. Always the problems, never the opportunities. I suppose you wouldn’t use it as a pepper spray either?
Parkenstein stirred. I suppose you could always use your phone as a sander, he ventured.
That’s the spirit! I told him.
Or … Or … Festy was getting excited.
Yes? As what, Festy?
He shrugged. As a hatchet?
Stumble it!
July 20th, 2008
If you had a mobile phone that included a sander, you’d have to turn off the sander while you took a call, wouldn’t you? Or people would think you had some form of white deal dandruff.
Nuts
July 21st, 2008
I’m amazed none of the manufacturers have included a cigarette lighter in their phones - Would be way more useful then a bloody camara….
July 21st, 2008
i like what you are onto but why couldn’t your phone be a car, It’d obviously be a big phone but as phones are generally much cheaper than cars you’d really benefit if your phone had a car/plane/boat/hovercraft function, something useful like that
July 21st, 2008
I’d like a phone that was also Paul Newman.
July 21st, 2008
And singing Plastic Jesus?