Baby-on-Board Stickers

Baby on Board stickers in car windows.  What the fuck is that all about?

Do they think I’m a homicidal but baby-loving maniac?  Do they think the baby is going to save them?

Just what exactly is this sign supposed to achieve?

Do they think I’ll be thundering along behind them in the Bockmobile, wondering who I’m going to shunt over the edge of a cliff?

Oh look.  There’s a horrible little Nissan Micra.  They must die!


But wait!  There’s a fuckin baby on board.  I can’t bulldoze these bastards to their doom over the edge of this thousand-foot precipice.  They have an icky bicky baby on board.  Awwww!

Do they really think that, or what the fuck do they think? 

What is this sign going to change?  If it isn’t a plea for mercy then what exactly is it?

Baby on Board.  Please become a much better driver than you were a minute ago you blind incompetent bastard.

Maybe that’s what the sign means, but I’m afraid they’re in for a shock. 

Blind incompetent wrong-way-round-the-roundabout bastards will always be stupid and incompetent and the potential source of your demise.  That’s why they’re blind idiots.  They can’t see the fucking Baby-on-Board sign, and even if they did, they can’t read the fucking thing.

Maybe they’re just telling the world they managed to produce a child after years of trying.  Look everyone!  See what we can do!  We called it Chardonnay.

So what?  Every lowlife and welfare scrounger in the world is able to pop out a dozen of the fuckers at a moment’s notice.  What do you want – a fucking medal?

Seriously.  What difference does it make? Would these people care if I had a sign in my window saying Zombie on Board?  Would they?  I ask you, would they?  Would it make the tiniest difference to their stupid driving habits, the fools?

Suppose I put a sign in my car window saying Savage Drooling Lycanthropic Fucking Werewolf In This Fucking Car, do you think it would make the slightest difference to their driving?  I think not, even though my lycanthrope is straining to bite their heads off.

So why the fuck are they telling me they have a baby?  I don’t care if they have a baby.  I’ve had my own babies and thank fuck they’re grown up now. 

Thank you Jebus!!

I address this to the muppets with the sign in their window.  Listen for just one minute.  No.  Just shut the fuck up and listen for once.  The baby is going to grow up into a pathetic, overweight, welfare-scrounging aggressive baseball-cap-wearing hoodied fucker like you. It makes no difference if anyone ploughs into your car at a thousand miles per hour, or to be more exact, yes it does: the world will be a better place, you fucking numpty, if the entire hive gets wiped out.

So, to the people with the Baby on Board sticker, I say Fuck off with your horrible, scrounging, burger-addicted baby and make sure it doesn’t shit on me, the dirty little fucker.

I now know what the Baby-on-Board sticker means.  It means Idiot.  It says This car contains an entire family of unevolved dimwits.  Now’s your chance to wipe them all out.  Do it!

Next time I see one of these signs in a car window on the edge of a thousand-foot precipice, there’ll be no awwwing and oooohing out of Bock.

Certainly not.  Next time it’ll be pedal to the metal.

Oh yeah.  That’s right.  No more Mr Nice-Guy.

40 replies on “Baby-on-Board Stickers”

It’s a bit like the “Mind our children” signs in some of the estates. Mind them yourself you lazy bastard, I’ve got my own to mind.

I always thought it was ‘Caution children at play’, which I’ve taken literally for years. I just wander around various estates and parks telling them to stop that messing before somebody loses an eye. Doesn’t matter to me if it’s pitch penny, tag, football, heavy petting or Shove-a-stick-in-my-eye. I’m all for the cautioning.

Also, can you give me the links for one or two of those Mr Nice Guy posts that there’s gonna be no more of, Bock? Cheers.

What does the sign mean.

Let’s do a bit of exegesis.

Take out the ageism >>
person on board =
absolutely nothing.

We know there is a person on board.

Or is it more subtle?

Does it mean, I have a baby to cope with as well as driving this car.

If this is the case what is all the fuss about banning using mobiles while driving about.

Should we now ban babies on board?

It’s a thought.

While you are giving out about it, the guy who makes the signs is banking the money. Or maybe he’s retired and doing good things with the mone or maybe he’s making good use of the spare time he has to do really nice things for charities and what not.

What about ice cream vans with “mind that child” written on the back. It should say “Mind that child I’ve just filled up with sugar, and the little bollix is goin’ to be fuckin’ hyper for hours “

I get really wound up when I see rusty Ford Escort estates, usually 15 years old, no tax and probably no bastard MOT, with a “Caution! Show Dogs in Transit” sticker on the back screen.
Who fucking cares that they own a dog? Why should I be cautious? Will it defecate on my vehicle as I pass theirs? These fuckwits should be dragged by the bollix through stinging nettles until they admit that they are numpty fuckwits.

Why don’t we all sport signs with:


That should scare the shit out of most of them. Get them wondering why is it there. Is there really a driver on board. Is this a left hand drive. Jaysus, I’d better steer clear of this mad fucker.

Mission accomplished.

I heard somewhere these were originally designed so that, in case of a crash where the car got squashed, the emergency services would know to look for a toddler in the wreckage.

Though how the sign would survive such a crash …

I thought they were a misprint for “Baby Bored”. I never know what’s going to hit my windscreen. Fisher Price? A half-eaten 99? Some day a Mac-10 water pistol is going to fly out a back window and I’ll be a goner.

Suggested signs for some local legends. Caution “Warrior Princess on board, driver may be distracted” or “Barmaid driving, adjusting bra and applying lip gloss, liable to swerve or wobble” or “10 tons of Liscannor Stone in boot, may touch down from time to time” or “Ballbarian lawyer counting money driving, may ditch you at a moments notice” or “Banjo player at wheel, may leave the vehicle without warning” and of course my favourite “Driver sniffing knickers”

S’fine Bock, the sign reads,

“Oh baby me baby on board” i.e. Good stuff happening on board, with my baby and me, oh baby me baby.

That’s me and my gal in the car, baby.

Not 15 minutes ago I spotted a rare sub-species on the roads of Kilkenny: “Jayden on Board”. Complete with a large photo of a child, who I assume was the unfortunately named Jayden.

Have you not seen the super-retarded ones that say “Small person on board”? Not only are they thick enough to buy the bastard sticker, they’re dwarves too!

My favourite road sign though, is seen not 25 miles from here. It’s very cruel: “Blind deaf children”.

Like they don’t already have enough to cope with.

There’s a huge road sign (or was) half way between the Ro-Ros in North Wall/Dun Laoghaire and Wicklow. It says, “Conduire à gauche – Links fahren – Drive on the left”. If they’re not there by now, where are they? Smashed up on the other side with little Fritz in the back?

Badgerdaddy: nice one. English is a shite language that doesn’t distinguish its verbs from its nouns. Now if WWII had turned out differently!

Nora: this is a bureaucratic glitch. Some silly central authority gave the relevant local authority too much money that year and they spent it thinking they were a full blown port authority.

As you say, if the motorists hadn’t already got the links message they’d be spattered and a cost to some other local authority.

Benny —

I suppose if you wanted to eliminate nuance and subtlety it would be better if we all spoke German, but I think I’ll stick with what I’m used to.

I like the warning on the back of a packet of peanuts, although I see it as more of a reminder which I read as :

“Think about it, small children can choke on nuts….”

Anyone for a nut ? Jayden, Fritz, small person ?

Yoplait hazelnut yoghurt used to have written on the back of the pot – ”May contain nuts”… I often wondered if I happened to get the pot that DIDN’T contain nuts what the FUCK were the small pieces of nut-like matter in it…

Nothing seems to be easier than seeing someone whom you can help but not helping.
I suggest we start giving it a try. Give love to the ones that need it.
God will appreciate it.

The ones who need it might appreciate it.

What ‘God’ has to do with it I have no idea. ‘He’s’ not exactly big into helping people. ‘He’s’ not exactly big into paying any attention at all.

Ever since I’ve had kids I’ve given the ridiculousness of the Baby on Board sign some thought. I’m probably being over-generous but a defence may be that the driver with the sign really means ‘forgive me for driving like an over-cautious moron but I am driving with my baby in the car’. This would be understandable, especially with the first born child. Still, having said that, there’s just no way I’d put up the sign in my car.

Aye, Ah remember when de badger was a yungster being stuck behind a flaming ford fiesta at 5 miles an oor heading out over de bridge in corbally wit a baby on board sign on the back window.. After five minutes stuck because of the traffic coming against us, the badger rolled doon the passenger window, stuck his head oot and screamed ~”Baby on Board? If you don’t move yer hole, ye’ll have a fucking pickup on board in a minute….”

What a pretentious bunch of wankers you are! The idea of the stickers is to make idiot drivers think twice before abusing someone for having enough common sense to drive sensibly and at a safe speed while their children are in the car. Possibly the sticker should be changed to, “Grow up idiot! My kids are in the car!”

That’s right. If it wasn’t for the baby on board sticker, we’d be bulldozing you off the road with your four brats, just like we do to everyone else.

Bock are you sure this is not a reminder for the driver rushing in to Dunnes Stores without the baby.
You know ..
He/she rushes round the car sees the sticker and thinks Christ the baby!! I forgot to leave the window open for fresh air.
I think it’s a great idea..

I think they are actually supposed to help the emergency services if there was an accident. They will then check for children in the back of the car. It may be urban legend but apparently after a horrible car accident no one realized there was a child in the car until the driver regain consciousness in hospital a few days later and by then it was too late. The signs might annoy you but they have the potential to save a child’s life.

Excellent idea. What a good way to help the emergency services.

That’s why parents are always careful to remove the baby-on-board signs when the child isn’t in the car.

Isn’t that right?

Just in case there might be an accident and the rescuers might waste their time looking for a non-existent baby when they could be out helping someone else.

You have a point – and yes emergency services would hopefully check properly. But if there is the slightly chance it would help my little boy in a crash then I think it is worth having one.

Having said that I have just a plain sign – none of these pink fancy signs or photos of the actual kid shite – that’s just distracting and more likely to cause a crash then prevent one!

This reminds me of a sticker I saw in N.Y some time ago “this is a mafia car you hit us we HIT you”

Hey Bock,was in Halfords a while back and saw a whole range of these stupid stickers for the back window of cars, such as – Sexey Princess on Board- or Naughty Girl on Board- or – Mum’s Taxi ! I hate those signs. The are not cool. What about – Person on Board That Can’t Drive- or – Person on Board Listining to Dodgy Music! or – Knacker Mobile.

Buit then you’d have the rescue services searching for Sexy Princesses, Naughty Girls, People Who Can’t Drive, People Listening to Dodgy Music and fucking Knackers.

Can you imagine the resources that would consume?

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