Jehovah’s Witnesses Mutate

 Posted by on August 20, 2008  Add comments
Aug 202008
 

You see?  I told you they’d mutate.

I received a comment from a Jehovah-Witnessing Vegan HERE and I doubt if that’s the end of the matter.  He was a sort of Jehovah’s Hostile Witness.  Now that the fanatics have started to interbreed, who knows where it will end?  I reckon we might be looking at an army of Homeopathic Vegan Jehovah Witnesses on the rise, and not only that, but an entire Jehovah’s CSI episode.

As well as Jehovah’s witnesses, we’ll see Jehovah’s Victims and Jehovah’s Perpetrators.  Jehovah’s crime scene investigators.  Jehovah’s Prosecutors.  Jehovah’s Innocent Bystanders and Jehovah’s Undercover Agents.

No-one will be safe.  Wait till the Jehovah’s Assassins arrive, with little phials of deadly undetectable homeopathic poison.  The crooked Jehovah’s Pathologist will overlook the evil memories in the homeopathic water that killed you and they’ll probably frame some harmless internet waffler like me.  I’ll be a Jehovah’s Suspect, but not for long.  In short order I’ll be hauled before a Jehovah’s Judge and Jehovah’s Jury, accused of killing the pigs for the Meatabix. 

How do you plead?

Not guilty, I’ll say, you got the wrong man.  Nothing touched the trigger but the Devil’s right hand.

They won’t believe me, and after some meat-free muttered witnessing, I’ll find myself in the Jehovah’s Slammer, facing the prospect of the Jehovah’s Chair, watched over by an unsmiling Jehovah’s Warder.

They’ll offer me a last meal, and I’ll smile. Certainly.  You have to give the Jehovah’s Condemned Man one last meal before you burn me, don’t you?

We do, Brother Bock.

We’ll then, I’ll snarl, rustle me up a big pile of fuckin Meatabix, like a good Jehovah’s Vegan.  And be quick about it.

  17 Responses to “Jehovah’s Witnesses Mutate”

Comments (17)
  1.  

    Well Bock, it seems as though you may have discovered the new Walter Blitzen.
    Please be sure to put him back in the box when you have finished pulling his wings off. You don’t want his ‘boss’ angry at you now.
    I shall sit back and enjoy watching you get your teeth into fresh meat like Mikey here.

  2.  

    People that can consciously follow the fairy-tale that is the ‘jehovas way’ have great need of help and are to be seriously pitied

  3.  

    I always thought that since they were knocking on doors and pestering people anyway, the door-to-door Wtnesses could at least help out by delivering the mail or the newspaper that day.

    What has always struck me in my conversations with Witnesses was how deficient their math skills seemed to be. Their belief is that come the end of the world, only a select few will be whisked away by God to live the happily-ever-after-life. I forget the exact number they think will have seats for that excursion, but be it 25, 250, or 250,000 the seats are limited and there will be no more. Only the true believers (Witnesses) will be saved. Only that exact limited number of true believers will be saved.

    It’s about this time in the conversation that I ask them if they think they are part of those chosen true believers. They always say yes, because they all believe it to be true.

    I then ask them, “What if Jehovah decides he likes me better? What if he decides I should get your seat on the rapture excursion tour bus? Just what are you planning on doing with yourself once I boot you out of line?”

    They never seem to have an answer for that.

  4.  

    Huh?? But if there’s only a certain amount of ’em that’ll be saved why the hell would they be trying to convert more of us???

    Any human that puts their own religious beliefs about unclean blood before the medical needs of their loved ones shouldn’t be on any magic bus going to any heaven. They should be in white jackets with their arms restrained in the re-enforced steel van on the way to the big house in the country with bars on the windows and plastic scissors at craft time…

  5.  

    and what’s wrong with homeopaths…. ;)

  6.  

    For fucksake His Girl Fri, don’t get him started on homeopaths!!

  7.  

    Homeopathy is a load of w@nk! Granted it helps some people, but then again, so does Lourdes. Given the option of medical treatment or a major placebo, I know which one I’d go for.

  8.  

    You can say “wank” here if you like. I don’t do the old f*ck thing. Or c*nt for that matter.

    And you’re right about the placebo.

  9.  

    I’m looking forward to the sweet life on the Jehovah’s witness protection scheme when I rat you out bock for such blatant blasphemy.

  10.  

    Jehovah?

    Jehovah get?

    Jehovah get one?

    Jehovah get one of them days?

  11.  

    uh oh, I didn’t realise that homeos was such a bad word! I’m shocked, Bock, I didn’t think you were so prejudiced! ;)

  12.  

    Sakimoto,
    well, sometimes it works, sometimes not. Depends on the person and the situation. I try hompath. first because I can’t stand going to doctors unless absolutely necessary. Yet, would I rather pop some painkillers, rather than some Arnica…you bet. I can be rather impatient sometimes.
    My pal is a horsetrainer, so far she’s used it successfully for her horses when they colic, and hasn’t had to call out the vet. (touch wood :/ )

  13.  

    I respect that Girl Friday, I’m just on about it being scientifically debunked! Apparently horse whisperers can work as well, but I have yet to hear one of one coaxing out a tumour with some sweet words!

    Personally I rate homeopathy up there along side, Bach Flower Remedies, Jesus and magic beans. But that’s just my opinion of course.

  14.  

    If they can explain exactly how plain water treats every illness, we’ll be making progress. And I don’t want to hear any nonsense about water having a memory.

  15.  

    That’s an easy one Bock.Immerse the head of any well known homeopath in a bucket of plain water for 2 to 3 mins and the fucker will never complain of an illness again.It takes slightly longer if sparkling water is applied on account of all the bubbles.

  16.  

    …I wonder if the lemon enhanced water would work better as vitamin C is added?

    well, perhaps you’d like to read this version of swizzle sticks and natural medicine…the Chinese seem to like it:

    http://news.scotsman.com/scotland/
    Scots-deer-are-giving-up.4411987.jp

  17.  

    My wife came home with a bottle of water today… 25 EURO!!! My lip is swollen from biting it!

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