Thieving Bastard Steals Bock’s Phone

 Posted by on August 18, 2008  Add comments
Aug 182008

To the thundering fucker who stole my phone out of my jacket in Nancy Blake’s last Saturday night, can I say only this:

May your arse fester and close up, you stinking thieving son of a whore. 

May your dick rot and drop off. 

I hope you get attacked by an army of giant knob-eating ants.

May you swim with Germans.

I hope you’re shot with shit so you’ll be dead and dirty.

May your dog get piles.

May you die roaring, you filthy, scummy, cocksucking, lowlife fucking thief.

I hope the phone gives you brain cancer.


Why am I so angry at this lowlife piece of shit?

Two reasons: I lost all my phone numbers, and equally annoying, this was the phone I won for blog post of the month back in June.

Bastard.  May your shroud be too short.


Isn’t it lucky I was surrounded by sympathetic friends?

  20 Responses to “Thieving Bastard Steals Bock’s Phone”

Comments (20)

    May their dicks shrivel and their balls turn to lead. We can only hope they overdose on their filthy crack sometime soon.


    May he get cat A.I.D.S


    you’re not going with the christian way then and forgiving the sinner. jk. how horrible. i’d hate that. i have my phone for a good few years now and have a lot of numbers i’d hate to lose. i’ve seen ads on tv actually for backing up your numbers automatically on one of the networks websites. might be UK though. what goes around comes around. actually come to think of it maybe this is karma for keeping that beggers 50! jk again. hehe


    oh you didn’t keep the 50 right, it was your buddy. you just enjoyed the pint too much i think. the karma gods were watchin! lol


    Has the dirty clap ridden filth merchant rang any of your contacts yet?That’s the norm these days,just to over piss you off.May his ears and eyeballs burst,and may he suffer from a thirst.


    May the devil swallow him sideways.
    Or her.

    I have an online account with O2. I’m off straight away to find if I can back up my numbers online.


    doesn’t nancy’s have a lot of cctv cameras operating? may have recorded something that could indicate direction to look, hope it was just some plonkers idea of a joke!


    I find your anger funny



    Good. That’s the idea. I find my anger funny too.


    I don’t suppose you signed up to one of those tracking systems did you ? The ones that tell you EXACTLY where you (or your phone) are…… tell me you did ?


    Not at all. Don’t be ridiculous.


    No sympathy here Bock! You of all people (tech-savy as you are) should have had the wit to back up your numbers via your PC! Most half decent phones come with the necessary software! I (says he smugly) have my phone, iphone, mac and laptop all synced so that all contacts are on all devices. What were you thinking? You’re just too trusting of your fellow human-beings! See where your gentle & forgiving nature gets you ;-)


    No. I thought the motherfucking Nokia software had fucking worked but it motherfucking didn’t and I had no cocksucking fucking numbers.

    What a motherfucker!


    Have you rung him/her up and asked him/her to return the contaminated phone and apply on bended knee for an antidote to the virus.

    Text him/her and scare the shit out of them. And then drain the Shannon to find your phone.

    Empathies. I lost mine a while back; rang the number (as I thought); got an East European who didn’t know the number he was answering and I was convinced my phone was gone for a Burton.

    Turned up in the ticket office of the local railway station where I dropped it.

    Funny thing this life.


    I hear you, mine was knicked last week, I think I’m on my 15th phone now,due to them braking,trusting in the goodness of others, and well….drunkeness.
    May his shit come back to life and eat him!


    Ah, there was no need to wish ill on the shit eating, felching, scrotal wart’s dog ill will. That was out of order, Bock. The poor little mutt is probably being shagged ragged by the thief everytime he comes home alone.



    It’s a PHONE. An inanimate piece of junk. Its not important. Your friends who matter will contact you some other way.

    You probably have lots of numbers stored there that you dont even use. These are worthless.

    You KNOW that you won the phone for blog of the month. Physically having it is not important.

    What is worth thinking about, though, is the amount of poison, bile and hatred you have spewed towards a stranger!

    It’s better, I suppose, to let it out. But if there is such a vast reservoir of hate in you, is there anything else?


    Yes, there is. I have a sense of hunmour too. Unlike you, I know a joke when I see one.


    A sense of humour? Nah! Just shows a lack of wit on your part.


    Vocab … voc… vocabalry …

    That’s like, guys on, like, horses, right?

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