What Questions Would You Like To Ask The Politicians?
Posted on Monday, August 25, 2008I’ve just been contacted by a Mystery Caller with a great plan.
Bock, he said. It’s about time we nailed these politicians.
Oh hello, Mystery Caller, I replied. I didn’t recognise your voice there for a minute.
No, he said. It’s electronically mysterised.
I’m a busy man, I told him. What do you want?
I want to nail the fuckers.
Good, I said. I do my best too.
No, he insisted, you don’t understand. I want to really nail the lying thieving incompetent bastards.
All of them? I asked. Not just FF?
All of them.
Excellent, I said. What’s the plan?
Well, Mystery Caller explained, I’m going to find out their phone numbers.
Mobile?
Yes.
All of them?
Yes. And I’m going to ask them some basic questions.
Such as?
Well, for instance, I’ll ask them things like, Do you know anything at all?
Excellent, I agreed.
Yeah, he said. And then I’ll ask them, Are you a complete fucking fool?
With you, I grunted.
Good, said Mystery Caller. I’m going to ask them things like, How did you fuck up the economy?, and Why is the country utterly screwed?
I like the way you think, Mystery Caller. What about asking them What makes 
you think Bertie Ahern is anything but an absolute fucking toe-rag?
I’ll ask that, said Mystery Caller. And I’ll ask the blueshirts why they elected a complete muppet as their leader.
Right, I said. What can I do to help you?
Simple, replied Mystery Caller. You can put out a request to your gigantic readership.
For?
Suggestions. What would they like me to ask the crooked incompetent fools?
Done, I assured him as the line went dead.
_____________
So there you have it. What questions would you like Mystery Caller to ask the politicians when he finds out their phone numbers?
Stumble it!
August 25th, 2008
as a non-big-townie (monaghan), I’d like to know where the hell is my public transport? I walk to work every day and it bloody annoys me.
a more obvious question is why are they shutting down monaghan hospital, but we all know that’s because the government loves dublin and everyone else can rot.
August 25th, 2008
1. What other colour do envelopes come in?
2. Go on, tell us, where has Bertie hidden the loot?
August 25th, 2008
I’d like the Mystery Caller to ask Bertie about the ‘businessmen in Manchester and the 8k. The story we hear is that he wanted rid of a thorn in his side.
August 25th, 2008
For Harney: Are you responsible for deciding who dies in our hospitals, and if that is the case do you get annoyed when they die when you are on holidays (maybe you make a death-wish-list before heading off).
August 25th, 2008
How the fuck do self interested cunts like you get elected?
August 25th, 2008
Harney as Health Minister,That was a joke right?
Whats next, Nick Gleeson finance minister?
August 25th, 2008
why is the same under construction sign at Shannon airport for the last twelve years?
The exact same one my kid signed it!
And where is this construction they speak of?
August 25th, 2008
1. Why did Bertie hire Ray Burke? Was it, as rumoured, due to the fact that Burke as Min of Justice has a file on a domestic arguement?
2. When will the policy on mental health be instigated? A policy document is approximately three years published yet nothing is done.
3. Why, in a country with a smaller population than a UK City, is it impossible to obtain quality health care?
4. When will abortion be legalised in this country?
5. When will CIA rendition flights stop in Shannon?
Will come up with more and post again…
August 25th, 2008
When did you last take a decision in the long term interest of the people which could have cost you your career and what was it.
For starters.
August 25th, 2008
When did truth become confusion for you?
August 25th, 2008
What’s with the hair?
August 25th, 2008
How come on the backing board for a packet of Scampie Fries or Bacon Fries there is always a picture of a pack of something called “Cheese Flavoured Moments” but I have never seen said snack in real life?
August 25th, 2008
This is called competency based interviewing and it is all the fashion.
If you are a mere bureaucrat applying for a job you get hit with this sort of stuff. Time to bounce the ball.
August 25th, 2008
Is thur nay fucken any reel fucken job yous can do ,ie fucken cleaning or meaking the roads , willaye tell me?
August 25th, 2008
Why are there 24-hour bus lanes when there are no 24-hour buses?
August 25th, 2008
Here comes some nasty language….Dear mystery fucking caller.Why the the fuck were you not on your cuntish fucking phone at 3a.m. last to Willy stupid bastard O’very heavily armed shithead Dea(a local simpering bastard hero with a moustache and large pay packet),as the front entrance to my apartment,which is I might add,Armatex Plating and takes some Jesus almighty fucking hammering,was destroyed by a bunch of local scumbag cunts over a period of 20 minutes? And while you’re making the call,ask the limp waste of space if the half hour later attending fucking dickheads who call themselves our police force were pissed off about missing a tea break”in the line of duty”.That was the question,here’s the nasty language.Bollix Arse Wank and Coronation Street!
August 25th, 2008
Bock: time to crack the whip.
August 26th, 2008
Why?
August 26th, 2008
Glamorgan Hair –
By the way, I don’t suppose you’d like to share the Finnish connection with us? I’m genuinely curious.
Terve.
August 26th, 2008
sorry but the BLUESHIRTS are the other shower of wankers (FG) sorry to point out such a basic mistake in an otherwise ovbiously flawless plan………….Roll on local Council election time…All the above questions will be asked
August 26th, 2008
This could really produce a good list of powerful questions, valid for all time, if it is kept on the rails.
August 26th, 2008
Gigi –
It’s not a mistake, basic or otherwise. I know exactly who they are. This plan is about all of them, government and opposition. You must have missed the bit that said “Not just FF”
Benny —
True. That’s what I think too, but people have to vent a little as well. You can see the anger bubbling under the surface.
August 26th, 2008
Why pay 250,000 for office refurbishment for bertie, why pay 10,000 euro for curtains to hang in office of Ceann Comhairle (from french company, hickeys do grand superman ones for 10e a yard), what came first willie o dea or willie o deas moustache, is charlie really dead or has he simply integrated himself into some collective dail conscience fashioned from Charvet shirts and the bones and regrets of a people, who tried to build and create a republic devoid of the mistakes of a oppressive and power hungry empire, is romatic ireland dead and gone or has mary harney just eaten it
August 26th, 2008
Were you ever called shifty or sneaky?
August 26th, 2008
Can Martin Cullens voice box machine be de-activated?
What’s the difference between Dick Roche and a Cockroach? Hint: one of them is one of the most despised creatures on the planet, the other is said to be capable of surviving a nuclear holocaust.
August 26th, 2008
Do you ever laugh yourselves stupid at the fact that the same electorate which spends all its time complaining about your performance then votes you back into power come election time? Or the fact that the Irish electorate thought the best group of people to handle our economic boom in the 1990s and beyond was a party already noted for corruption, incompetence, and arrogance? Who are the complete fucking fools in this instance?
August 28th, 2008
Hello Mystery caller. I would like you to ask the following question:
“Why should I obey the state?”
If possible, I would then like you to count the number of times the interviewee mutters or mumbles the word “well” while formulating an answer…