Save The Trader. Wall Street Famine Appeal.
Sep 26th, 2008 | By Bock | Category: Humour, economyRight across the famine-stricken region of Wall Street, every day, thousands of investment bankers go without the kind of basic necessities the rest of the Western world takes for granted. No sushi. No Gucci. No Armani. No Dolce&Gabbana. No Maserati.
Disease is rife: no-one has escaped the deadly epidemic of Scruples.
This is a humanitarian disaster on a scale rarely witnessed in history.
SaveTheTrader is an international, non-governmental, non-religious, non-profit making organisation.
Our vocation is to save lives, and to work with vulnerable Wall Street traders to preserve and restore their livelihoods with dignity. We aim to achieve this by combating hunger, disease, and those crises threatening the lives of helpless New York financial traders.
For 79 years, SaveTheTrader has been at the forefront of the fight against loss of earnings among vulnerable financial dealers. Our teams do their utmost, day after day, to ensure that traders are given access to the most basic of human rights – gym time, high-end sports cars and designer clothing.
To respond to a crisis it is vital to distribute the foods needed for the survival of the population. This is why our teams work day and night to deliver sushi to the hardest-hit regions.
Drugs are one of the best weapons against critical thinking. Access to safe cocaine allows improvement in the state of health of Wall Street’s financial communities. Likewise, drink allows profit production to be multiplied by up to 3 or 4 times. Our alcohol engineers provide access to safe liquor of sufficient quality and quantity to prevent scruples.
Our medical teams provide emergency medical attention to traders with financially-transmitted diseases. They combat and prevent epidemics.
Your donation is immensely powerful. Regardless of the amount, it enables our fieldworkers to save lives: feeding money to traders on the brink of bankruptcy, helping isolated and vulnerable investment houses and providing bankers with with safe and unlimited credit.
Give a lot. It will help a little.
Put me down for $700,000,000.
I know, it’s pennies. Barely enough for a foreign war with some fuzzy wuzzies somewhere hot, but what can you do in these days of Credit Crunch (I always thought that was a cereal from Kellogs anyway)?
Credit Crunch? Thanks. Expect to see a picture of that shortly!
Dear Sir.I happen to be a privileged member of our soiety.I live in a small mediocre abode,the rent of which I can hardly afford.I am nevertheless willing to help those misfortunate people.I have a small unused toilet, where 32 of them may abide after they give me their coke,smoke and things that they have stolen from me and the rest of the world.FUCK THEM.
Ha! Love it! I shall donate enough to provide stomach ulcer medication to every man, woman and precociosu spotty teenager on Wall Street.
I’m particularly worried since I had thought that we had pretty much eradicated scruples in the civilized world, yet now you report we are faced with a deadly epidemic.
I recall that death as a result of scruples usually is slow and painfull with starvation and malnutrition being the primary symptoms.
I wish I was in a position to contribute, but I’m too afraid to check to see if I have any funds left in my retirement accounts and 401ks, most of those were ivested in stocks and I probably will have to pay the bankers now to resolve my negative balances.
The capacity for hypocrisy from these “Reaganomics for Dummies” arseholes amazes me. Where’s all their “let the market rule” talk now.
Been beating the same drum as yourself on Gombeen Nation for God know’s.
You fancy swapping links, let’s know.
gombeenman(AT)lookout.ie
Put me down for €1,000 @ 80% (Variable) APR.
I’m going short on SaveTheTrader being disbanded by Christmas.
Fuck all that shite! I just want to warn EVERYBODY!! DO NOT EVER!! Ever in your life, use a backing track instead of real life musicians!! (sob, sob) , as I tried to do for ONE FUCKING SONG tonight!! It will backfire and go wrong and FUCKING SKIP!!! Mortification almost set in , but thanks be to Jabba (the hut) the guitar man saved me! Rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals!!
You can now all go back to what you were discussing, many apologies….
I was going to sell the house to contribute , but the Bank has taken it……..
I think to help our friends we should go around the world looting all the third world countries, cutting down and selling amazon, flatten Himalayas, kill all tigers, lions and other exotic animals (specially the furry ones – need them for the fashion accessories), enslave the normal poor people (real bastards – the root cause of all trouble – demand food every day!), and stop paying them for working – its their duty and the primary purpose – serve the masters.
I am going to donate myself – I could not be better used than to serve my masters in London.
How are you?, Do something for help those hungry people in Africa or India,
I created this blog about that subject:
in http://tinyurl.com/65dptv