Bank Holiday Weekend

Wrinkly Paddy gave me a call this morning.

Hi.  I’m in town for the Bank Holiday weekend.  Fancy a pint?

Certainly, I said, but what exactly do you mean by “Bank Holiday”?  Surely you mean Thieving Parasitic Bastard Holiday?

I do indeed, said Wrinkly Paddy, and I thank you for the reminder.

You’re welcome, I replied.

I’ll collect you, he said.

Even better, I assured him.


Isn’t it lucky we’re not religious?  Paddy mused as the bar person handed over two creamy new friends.

Why’s that, Pat?

Well, I was thinking about what you said.


The Thieving Parasitic Bastard Holiday.

What about it?

Well, if we were religious, we’d have to celebrate all those Power-Mad Pervert Motherfucker Holidays as well.

Like Christmas?  I asked.

Glug-glug, he nodded, slurping back his gleaming black pint and wiping his mouth with a small dog.  And Easter.

Stop that! I barked.


Put down my pet, I said.

Oh, sorry, Wrinkly Paddy dropped the snarling animal.  I must have picked him up by accident.  I was abused as a child you know.  It gave me ADHD.

By a priest?  I believe some of them would bone you up the arse.

No. A banker.

Fuck, I said.  In that case, you definitely got boned up the arse.

Yeah, Paddy grunted.  It was awful.

It could have been worse, I reassured him.

Paddy stared at me, appalled. How the fuck could it have been worse?

Well, I ventured, it could have been the Vatican Bank.  Imagine the state of your arse after that.

Fuck, said Paddy, I didn’t think of that.  Good job there isn’t a Vatican Bank Holiday.

No indeed, I agreed.  A Thieving Parasitic Bastard Power-Mad Pervert Motherfucker Holiday would be hard going.  Let’s have another pint.  Did you see the match?

5 thoughts on “Bank Holiday Weekend

  1. Ah Shit don’t get him started again. I’ve just put the tablets away for when the recession turns into a depression.

  2. only 4 hours difference between us now, sugar. well for another week or so, i think (shit, i’m having a palin moment!!!) i have to go read thomas pynchon or umberto eco again or maybe the new york times.

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