I see this fella Barton Gellmann has written a book about Cheney and I hope he exposes the bastard for the lying, murdering swine he is. A vicious bully who set up a parallel presidency to launch an illegal assault on a sovereign State which had never attacked the United States. Of course, it’s never that hard to set up a parallel presidency when the real president is a fucking chimp.
Do you know what the constitutional responsibilities of the Vice-President are?
Nothing. That’s what they are. Nothing at all, except waiting for the president to die or get kicked out, and for settling the occasional argument in the Senate.
Specifically, the Vice-President’s role is this: take over as President should the President resign, die or get very sick, and act as presiding officer of the U.S. Senate, using the casting vote when necessary.
He has no other role.
So how the hell did Cheney end up running a war and being in charge of America while the chimp was hiding on Airforce One? How did Cheney end up intimidating and dominating the chimp’s most senior advisers? How did a representative of a multinational company end up taking charge of the United States and steering its military into a war from which his multinational company made a fortune?
Was this not treason, or would you be able to suggest a different word for it?
Did I ever tell you about the friend I have who works for Hallibastard?
I don’t like to embarrass him too much, so let’s just call him [Firstname] [Lastname].
He’s been with Hallibastard a long time now, and they keep promoting him because I imagine he’s very capable at what he does, whatever that might be when you’re part of a company that owns the Vice President of the United States.
How and ever. Let’s leave politics aside for a minute, which, when you think of it has to be the stupidest thing anyone ever said. How the fuck could I leave politics aside for so much as a nanosecond? You might as well say, look, let’s just not talk about anything that anyone does or anything that ever happened. Ever. Instead, let’s talk about dry meaningless shite like solid pine fucking lampshades and stupid bastards who pimp your garden on television and make you look like a complete twat. You complete fucking twat.
So we won’t. All right? We won’t leave politics aside, because politics is what we are. Politics is what we do and what we think, and in the final analysis, politics is Cheney’s minions justifying the mass murder of Iraqis to make him even richer than he already was, the murdering, cynical two-faced bastard.
Anyway, after slapping myself sharply across the face, I somehow manage to drag this rant back on track. Cheney does that to me. Sorry.
I was telling you about my friend [Firstname] [Lastname], who works for Hallibastard and who has this incredible expanding business card. Last time I met him, I think he was the Chief Deputy Vice-Primary Overlord Chief Operational Grand Vizier and Technical Operational Intergalactic Vice-President (Exploration)(Andromeda Nebula). Or something.
Oh wait. Hold on. I found it from an earlier post. This is what his business card says:
Joe d’Arab, MSc PhD MBA MMR HDip LlB UAE IBM RTE TWA ESB iPod ABC IFA DDT BBC NRA GTi
Halliburton Asset-stripping Division,
So there you are. The game is up and his first name isn’t [Firstname] at all. It’s Joe.
He used to email me, complaining that I called Denis Leamy a Limerickman, and other matters of world-shaking importance, and I used to write back to him at his work address: joed’arab AT hallibastard.com. I once wrote back saying Hi Joe. Thanks for reminding me for the thirty-eighth time that Denis Leamy is from Cashel. You know what? Fuck Denis Leamy. By the way, if you’re at work today would you mind calling Cheney a fat cocksucker for me? Thanks very much. Bock.
The email bounced and that was the last time I ever managed to get an email through to Hallibastard. I understand that Bock the Robber is now listed as a terrorist-lovin’ Jesus-hatin’ unAmerican dangnabber at minus 272.99999K on a gigantic supercomputer beneath a glacier in Argentina.
You’d never think that a huge multinational asset-stripping operation like Hallibastard would be so touchy about a Tipperary rugby player, would you?