So there you have it. Elton is playing Limerick on the 6th of June 2009.
That’s probably a good thing, isn’t it? A big name like Elton is good for the town, even if he is a demented fucker that I never liked much, and whose success I could never truly understand.
But still, it has to be a good thing that the newly-refurbished Thomond Park is the venue for a gig like that. After all, everyone here in Limerick takes immense pride in the fact that our local team are European champions and that they now also have one of the finest rugby stadiums in Europe.
It has to be good. God knows, we get enough negative comment in the national media about the behaviour of our local unevolved low-lifes, as if other Irish cities didn’t have the same issues, so it’s always a good thing to see the many positive aspects of this town getting publicity.
But Elton John?
I’ve just had dinner with my children, and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to raise the question, so I did, like any caring father would.
What about this Elton John fucker in Thomond Park?
You know, it’s a strange thing, but they seem to know more about him than I do. Daughter thinks he’s a perfect opening act for the stadium. Bullet doesn’t think he’s a bad choice either, and I find this strange. I do, really, but maybe that’s just because I never really got Elton. I never really figured out what the fuss was all about.
To me he’s just a piano player with unfeasibly silly hair and you know, I still can’t work out how he got so rich. It’s just me, I realise that. You probably understand precisely why he’s so successful but I don’t get it. I don’t. The only song I ever liked was the one he wrote after Mother Teresa died. Sandals in the Bin. Maybe he attracts people with loads of money. Is that it? The Barbra Streisand cardigan-people. The Elaine Paige Evitista-chesscats smugfuckers. Celine Dion fake-emotion twinset pearl-necklace boringbastard fuck-off fuckers. The middle-aged smuggorati.
Am I wrong?
I know. I know I’m fucking middle-aged too. I know that, but at least I never settled for fucking cabaret. Am I being very hard on Elton? Is he actually a challenging, cutting-edge uncompromising talent with so much to say? Or is he just an over-paid over-rated lounge entertainer playing over-hyped elevator music? I don’t know. Maybe I’m missing the point. Maybe bland is the new dangerous.
The children reckon that if he enjoys the gig he’ll direct other big names to Limerick, so I suppose we’d better be nice to him. I’m going to send him an email.
Hi Elton. You don’t know me, and to be honest I don’t know you either. In fact, I don’t like you. But look, I hear you’re gigging in this old town and I thought you might need to be looked after. So I’ll tell you what. If you’d like to go out drinking after the show, I’d have no problem bringing you into town for a few scoops. Introduce you to the locals. Who knows? You might get lucky. Best wishes. Bock.
What do you reckon? Would Elton go for it?