Presbyterian Mutual In Trouble

I like Presbyterians.

I like their casual, devil-may-care attitude to life.  I enjoy the way they sing and dance in the streets with their brightly-coloured costumes and their all-night partying.

I love the way they live for today with never a thought for what the future might bring.  I like their sense of humour and their wild hedonistic excess.  It’s no coincidence that Presbyterians dominate the worlds of stand-up comedy and heavy metal.

So it was hardly a surprise to hear that Presbyterian Mutual is in trouble.  It was set up in Belfast 26 years ago as a way for Presbyterians to save within their church, and collected as much as  £300 million in shares, but now it’s unable to give its members their money back.

I reckon the trustees spent it all on drink, drugs and Latvian hookers.

See, that’s the problem with Presbyterians.  You just can’t trust them with money.  They go crazy.


Also on Bock, vaguely related:

My gift to loyalism

34 thoughts on “Presbyterian Mutual In Trouble

  1. Well at least we know their up for a protest march.
    Mind you, to be fair, not all Presbyterians are members of the Orange Masonic Lodge.
    p.s. why is it always Latvian hookers. Are they like the buluga caviar of prostitution or something. Accept no substitute

  2. Craic-Latvian hookers?Do they even play rugby over there?
    A question that has long haunted me.After Presbyterians,do we just get left with Sbyterians?

  3. i recall several years back becoming incandescant with anger when ian paisley reffered to the irish republic as a “banana republic” i suppose i can eat my words now, every christmas shopper will take their hard earned euro’s over the border to avail of the vat reduction on the very day our hard fought for government introduces the increase in vat down here, and they invaded us again….we never saw it coming, good old gordon brown what a strategist !

  4. M’sieur le Craic — I don’t know. Maybe they’re the crème de la crème. Having been to latvia, I can assure you the natives are extraordinarily attractive, so perhaps that would account for it. Or maybe they’re just very industrious.

    Benny — And weren’t they right?

    Nut — Can’t beat a bit of spleen-venting.

    Mule Taker — I can see how that would haunt you. And then I suppose you’d have to consider the Postsbyterians.

  5. Jaysus Bock.Never thought about that. Another sleepless night down here on Mungret street due to non denominational drinking,drum beating and Latvian hookers.
    Good night to y’all.

  6. I remember when the prostitutes in Lyon went and protested the mayor because of the influx of eastern european women, who were younger and better looking, into the local area. Imagine that, the prostitutes on strike. It really is the national sport over here. The mayor didn’t do anything though. I suppose he was sick of the same old forty something in fishnets with a gitane hanging out of the side of her gob. He may have claimed it was a European directive.

  7. 26 years you say.
    …as a way for Presbyterians to save within their church…, you say.
    300 million pounds!
    300 , in 26 years!
    Fuck me, that’s a lot of saving. Certainly puts the three jars on top of my fridge – marked Big Boy’s toys, Girls Night Out and Your Inheritance – to shame.
    300 million.
    Fuck me.

  8. the bolted nut, yes, it was in retrospect very much “inherently amusing” it was also possibly a bit of plagiarism as bob geldof also said it but i no longer remember who said it first.
    with regard the “fast filly” reference, pure derby lineage, thats me.

  9. i’m sure the latvian hookers are great value, the drink is much cheaper over there so the 300 mil must have been brought over the border, down south, sure, they must have found our “celtic tiger” irresistable, what with the colour and all, there has been no better place in this century to make money disappear, than the good old republic.
    the bolted nut. a bit of a racing fan? well you never can tell….so many punters use the the “filly” reference, of course i should have said “oaks lineage” but then i would’nt have got you wondering…

  10. When our people came to this country , there was nothing but bog , AND BOG MEN !

    Ian paisley circa 1998 .

    Sorry i know it’s wrong to take pleasure in somebody else s misfortune , BUT YEA , FUCK EM couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of cunts !

  11. fred, i don’t know if its that wrong to take pleasure in others “misfortune” we are entitled to a feast of guilty pleasures from here on…..becaue what we have in plentiful supply for 2009 is “self pity” and are’nt we entitled to it ?

  12. Ah lads now, come on. Less of the sectarian shit please. If gentle slagging is going to turn into political abuse, I’m taking the post down.

    Be good now.

  13. St Leger Norma – well I’m really pleased and relieved to hear you’re not a bit of a colt called Norma. How subtle of you to refer to the Latvian hookers being ‘great value’ as distinct from low-priced. Vive la difference.
    I saw a large selection of the same game in the Bielowicza forest in Poland a few years ago. The bus driver advised abstinence, I think they all had cryptosporidium or some such, like the Galway girls I suppose. Essentially he was saying they might be cheap but by the time the doc was paid they woudn’t be great value.
    Personally if I was a Latvian Hooker I would be looking out for a Louth-registered car and claiming it was a personalised numberplate.


  14. Personaly, it’s the Masonic part that bothers me, not the Presbyterian part. Ironicly though the Ulster Orange Lodge is one of the most public and out in the open Masonic Lodges in the world. Another one of lifes great parodoxs.

  15. i have little else to contribute on the presbyterian mystery, however as i do not want to bring the wrath of bock on my comments, by veering away from the focus, i will leave it.
    just a note to the bolted nut, what were you thinking……a bus!
    but i adored your astute observations of the “louth car”

  16. Ulsterbank Says NO! to your loan application.

    Paddyanglican. Spot on re; Free P’s and regular P’s.The Free part meaning liberty from the wild frivolity and general chucklefests that so defines the mainsteam Calvin/Knox tradition.

    Drink,drugs and hookers seem to be the only things they agree on.

  17. Stleger Norma – gee thanks. Now here’s a conundrum – if Latvian Hookers drove Louth cars, and Moldovan Hookers drover Meath cars, what might you find in a Cork car?

    Bock – sorry for going off-topic, but knowing from our many conversations on the matter that LH’s are one of your pet subjects I’m sure you’ll allow the excursion from the straight & narrow presbyterian-style debate…


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