I was told tonight that I’m getting too serious, and do you know what? I think that’s probably true. Too much politics and too many child-abusing priests. Not enough drunkenness and falling over and crashing concrete mixers onto the road.
But come here a minute and let me ask you this. Why do people want to see me making a fool of myself? Why can’t they just shut the fuck up and listen to my opinions on politics and crooked politicians and child-abusing clergy? Why?
Jesus Christ, it’s not as though I didn’t give them enough opportunity to laugh at me during the year. It isn’t as if I failed to make a complete fool of myself and put it out there for people to sneer at.
Every time I made an idiot of myself, every time I made a half-witted decision, or just tripped and banged my stupid head, I’ve put it up here for you to chuckle at. What the fuck do these people want?
I don’t know. Maybe I should find new ways to make an utter prick of myself, though of course that would be difficult. I know it. I know full well how hard it would be to get any more incompetent than I already am, but for you I’m willing to try.
So look. I’ll make you a promise for the new year. I promise to be an even worse idiot than I already am. How about that? I promise to make a complete prick of myself, instead of an absolute fool, and if I can manage it at all, I’ll try to bring you photos of me making a complete tool of myself.
How about it?
I can’t say fairer than that, can I?