Christmas Message From Bock

Right, ye bastards.  The time has come again where I have to wish all ye bastards a happy fucking Christmas and a peaceful new year.

For fucksake!  The economy has come off the rails and the country is in bits, with worse ahead.  The world’s banking system has collapsed and all our houses are worthless.  You can buy a Rolls-Royce for fourpence.

Starvation, pestilence, plagues of frogs …

But anyway, here we go.

Let me wish all my loyal readers a happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year. 

Hmmm.  Prosperous?  Somehow I think not.  Preposterous, maybe.

A Happy Christmas and a Preposterous New year.

No.  I’m not happy with “Happy”.  How could anyone be happy these days?

Oh, and may the peace of the Lord be with you now and for all time, unless you happen to be a Muslim getting the shit bombed out of you by the Coalition of the Willing as part of the War on Terror. 

The War on Terror.  I remember once reading a great line about that:  fighting for peace is like fucking for chastity.  Great.

OK.  Back to the benediction.

I’d like to — no I wouldn’t — I have no option but to wish both my readers a less anxious Christmas and a preposterous New Year.  May the peace of the Lord be with you now and for all time, this offer is for one week only, terms and conditions apply, not all applicants will necessarily be approved.

Now, as to myself, you know I saw this coming and set up a nice little travel business last year, and I have to admit it’s doing quite well.  I expect it to really take off next year when nobody has any money left.

The idea is simple, but parents will pay me handsomely for the service.  Instead of flying planeloads of children to Lappland to visit Santa’s toy factory, I’m bussing them to see Santa’s grave and also the place where he was  murdered and crucified by the Russians.

I have teams of trained counsellors at hand, and when the children start crying, the counsellors bellow into megaphones:

See?  He’s dead, ya little fucker.  Dead, d’you hear?  No more presents for you.  Ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!!

So there you have it.  The new year might be miserable for everyone else, but Bock is laughing.


17 thoughts on “Christmas Message From Bock

  1. Bock,
    If you want to sell me some stock in the little enterprise of yours, please do. I figure that if an American is at least a part owner we might be able to apply for a couple of billion from the bailouts here.

    Best of all (and I’m serious about this) all it takes is to fill out a 2 page form.

  2. Savannah — Peace to you too. Enjoy that glass, but consider switching to a proper whiskey.

    Poobah — Couple of billion, you say? Not bad.

  3. Maupay nga Pasko ngan Mainuswagon nga Bag-o nga Tu-ig to Bock and all his readers.
    Eat, Drink and be Merry for tomorrow there’s pie.

  4. Beannachtaí na Féile, everyone, and thanks for all the laughs, Bock.
    (And for provoking me to get mad and post comments!)

  5. Have a good one Bock and go easy on the Budvar. I must recommend some of the fine Belgian Leffe and Chimay beers I’ve got ready to start the morrow, then its on to the fine wines. Then please get back to ranting about the bad fuckers that are fucking up our world. The truth will set us free Bockites.

  6. Primal — Lovely old song. Creaming with a slight syphilis.

    Elle — And a happy Hannukah to you too.

    Andrew — Thank you so much.

    Nora — Agus beannachtaí na féile leat freisin, a chailín.

    Dónal — Yes, he’s fuckin dead. We whacked him back in July.

    Paralaxco — You wouldn’t believe how much Leffe Blonde I drank during my dark visits to Brussels in the late nineties. If I told you any more, I’d have to kill you.

  7. You bastard. My kids will never forgive you. Have a mournful and miserable Christmas you churlish one. Looking forward to acquainting myself further with your quaint views in the New Year.

  8. Block — From your other comments, I’ve decided in my infinite wisdom that you’re an idiot with nothing useful to contribute here.

    Gone. Fuck off.

  9. Happy Christmas. Greetings from China where officially there is no Christmas but each year it gets more and more comercialised.

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