Assembling A Crappy Argos Shed

 Posted by on January 2, 2009  Add comments
Jan 022009
 

I’m putting together this piece of rubbish from Argos and it’s driving me mad.

Don’t be ridiculous.  Of course it’s not mine.  Do you really think I’d buy a piece of shit from Argos for nearly €400, a piece of junk made from tinfoil, and barely big enough to hold a broken lawnmower and four dried-up cans of paint?

Why would I do that?  Why would anyone do that?  A fucking dog-box would be bigger and cheaper, but it did come, after all, from Argos.

No, no, no, no, not at all.  It isn’t mine.  I wouldn’t have a piece of shit like that next, nigh or near my house.  It’s just one of the many thousand projects I get roped into doing for people every day.

This is a fucking piece of crap.  It’s driving me mad.  If you look hard at its bits and pieces they break.  They warp.  They don’t fit properly.  They twist.  It’s rubbish, and so far it’s taken me five fucking hours of cursing to get the walls bolted together, the roof beam fitted and the holding-down bolts, well, bolted.  Why does it need holding-down bolts?  Because it’s made of metallic tissue paper, that’s why, and it would all blow away in a light fucking breeze if it wasn’t nailed down.

What a load of shit.

Is that the worst of it, you ask?

No.  It isn’t.  The worst of it is that I probably have to give another three hours tomorrow to finish it, in the freezing fucking cold — did I mention that my fingers and face are blue? — when I could be lolling around in a warm pub beside an open fire, talking bullshit and gulping back wonderful tidal waves of silky Guinness.

Four hundred euros for a glorified tent?  For fucksake.

Gaaahh!!

  23 Responses to “Assembling A Crappy Argos Shed”

Comments (23)
  1.  

    everything from argos is shit, the fact they will only show you picture instead of the actual thing should be enough of a warning. They sell some amount of crap.

  2.  

    I have come across your blog by chance a few weeks ago and have been following it for a while. I have never commented before but have finally found the courage to write a few words. Your comment rules are quite funny but a little intimidating I must say … :) Will I write a smart comment? Will he erase what I write? Will he get rid of my extra !!!!, or my ??? will he erase my CAPITAL words….

    Kidding… I will not be extravagant in my comment wring skills….

    Regarding your latest post, I agree with you! We accumulate junk and more junk for no reason what so ever apart from making few disgraceful companies rich. Like Walmart here in the US. Even their commercials are annoying. That smily creature that is Walmart’s mascot reminds me of those sinister characters in adult cartoons… Anyway… That is my 2 cents… Have a great 2009!

  3.  

    I bought my shed through buckleys and heatons on ballysimon road. paid a thousand euros for it. they dont actually build them but are contracted on to a guy who assembles them. it took him 35 minuets. its a 10 by 8. with a window on each side of the door they have various sizes of course. only draw back is it takes at least 4 weeks to get it because the assembler is so busy. I wouldnt go near argos for anything. my shed is so comfortable and secure I could sleep in it. oh better not let missus see this. forgot to say the guy brings the parts to your house and actually assembkles the shed at your home.

  4.  

    Fan — That’s right. and even the pictures are rubbish.

    Nevin — Welcome. You seem like a nice sort, and therefore I grant you safe passage from oppression.

    Starkie — A thousand euros? I’d nearly build a fucking house for a thousand euros.

  5.  

    yes bock it is a lot of dough, but i could have got a smaller and cheaper one much cheaper but I would have had to put it together myself and i am a dangerous man with tools. i found it was worth the extra money. its a beauty.

  6.  

    “Designed obsolescence” was offensive enough – creating objects with a design life of x weeks/months/years.

    This principle has been applied to many buildings today – at least here in the US. I doubt it’s much different in Ireland. There is an upside: as most of these new buildings are hideously ugly, at least they won’t be littering the landscape 30 years from now.

    It’s the IKEA mindset – I want something that’s “good enough”, and I’ll endure the process of tacking it together, as long as it can be bought now, for cheap. So what if it falls apart in a couple of years? I can consume another…

    Puke.

  7.  

    We live in a disposable society.

    Disposable plates for parties when you know in advance you’ll be too buckled the next day to wash up. Disposable phones that only last a while (in my experience the guarantee period plus 2 days) before they make everyone that calls you sound like R2-D2 and switch themselves off every 6.8 seconds. Disposable nappies that are used to collect a baby’s crap once and then are (seemingly) planted outdoors like seedlings to flourish along canals and dual carraigeways.

    This must be one of those disposable sheds that will hold your lawnmower/rake/half empty paint pots from 1983/stuff that your other half shouldn’t see until a seagull flys overhead and coughs and it collapses in a heap :-)

  8.  

    Do you think Israel bought their wall from Argos.

    It seems it can’t stop a copule of hand granades shot from a bow and arrow.

    Can they get their money back from the supplier?

  9.  

    Yes Bock, you might well build a house for a thousand euros, but it is a fine sum to pay to see a contractor do 35 minuets! (A dance, favoured by the French aristocracy in the 18th and 19th centuries., especially at the court of King Louis XIV).

    Just saying…

    (always 3/4 time, that would be a waltz.)

    Yes, I DO need to get out more!!

  10.  

    For god’s sake won’t someone comment on starkies dilemma.

  11.  

    Fuck me. thanks mapstew…

  12.  

    One is welcome.

  13.  

    Reckon that before ye go to Argos why not go to Specsavers first.Hmmmm its practically next door

  14.  

    I think a couple of people misconstrued my point about the contractor who built my shed, it took him 35 minuets to assemble it from the time he brought the compartments to my house, he only had to connect the parts together,thats why it only took such a short time. anyone who wants to se my shed is welcome and then tell me its not worth a grand.

  15.  

    Minuets? Gavottes? The Walls of Limerick?

    35 minuets would wear anyone out.

    These fucking builders think they can just waltz in and take over the place. They’ll lead you a merry dance if you don’t watch them.

  16.  

    Bock, I recently assembled a kitchen unit from Atlantic Homecare and I’ve enough bits left over to build a shed. If you need any parts give me a shout.

  17.  

    You forgot to add the price/value/cost of your own labour.

    PR victory for Argos.

  18.  

    can you take a photo of the finished article, Bock?

  19.  

    I was planning to take a few pictures as we went along but the frustration of assembling the bastard put it out of my mind.

    I’ll take a pic of the finished article, but it’ll still be a piece of shit.

  20.  

    I’m waiting for a disgruntled Argos (Zeus had the right idea when he had the place knocked) drone to show up now, to pursue an online vendetta against you.

    Should be good for a chuckle at least.

  21.  

    The staff in Argos are so demotivated that becoming a drone is a major career move.

  22.  

    PWNED by a shed!

    Heheheheh

  23.  

    Dermotmoconnor, I blame the women (and their food colour mindset) for a lot of the IKEA thing. I see otherwise decent women, like my missus, and my saintly mother, wanting to throw out good hardwood furniture, because it looks a bit lived in (tatty they would say), and replace it with some pressed sawdust encased in laminate and put together by an ignoramus (me) with a 4 page instruction booklet and a few plastic dowels. It really is sad. When we were newlyweds furnishing our home I saw an ad for a secondhand upholstered mahogany dining table and chairs. Went to see it, it was absolutely mint, and a gorgeous piece of furniture, I couldnt believe they were selling it, and only wanted €400! Would have been €2-3k new I’d say. Went home, wife said, “no, it wont match our other stuff” I couldnt fecking believe it, but then they have the veto on such matters. We ended up paying €600 for a flatpack job. Oh, evil regimen of women!

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