New Laws of Women’s Rugby

I’m working on a comprehensive review of the laws of women’s rugby, and at the moment I’m dealing with the various transgressions and punishments.

I’ve decided to do away with sin-binning and penalties, replacing them with more sensible punishments.

It’s going well, though the list isn’t complete. You might be able to help me with this.

Transgression
Punishment
Offside Ref gives you a dirty look.
Hands in the ruck Ref gives you a FILTHY look.
Crossing Ref folds arms and GLARES
Not rolling away. Ref gives filthy look and turns back on you.
Repeatedly not rolling away. Ref says shorts make your arse look huge.
Stamping. Ref won’t talk to you for ten minutes
High tackle. Ref tells everyone what a slut you are.
Asking what your offence was Ref says “nothing!” and ignores you for the rest of the game.

. . .
.

21 thoughts on “New Laws of Women’s Rugby

  1. Was at the Spain versus Ireland women’s game at Thomond Park (on the back pitch) a few years back, in a capacity.

    Thought the Spanners would have a few fine birds on the team. Nope, the Claw was better looking than most of them.

    I was told some of them weren’t exactly in the penis business either….. inclined toward carpet munching I was informed…

    There was men’s team from Newcastle in TP for a tournament on the day. They had spent most of the afternoon in the bar under the stand a whooping and a hollering and warming up for their game drinking gallons of porter, as you do.

    Anyway, they emerged blinking into the sunlight, ossified from the black sauce, a right looking shower an all – and the incredulity on their faces when they saw females playing rugby?

    Well, it was only a matter of time before one of them streaked across the field bollocks naked, and then another with nothing on cept the radio.

    And then the icing on the cake, their hooker, a small rotund character with a pair of balls on him like balloons, stalked across the pitch Incredible Hulk style, stopping to growl every few yards with his hands on his hips, the quintessential hairy arsed reptile.

    The girls turned their backs on him in protest and the ref (male) kept blowing his whistle and indicating to security to remove the hairy arsed one from the field.

    Trouble was the security lads were on their hands and knees laughing.

    They game was nearly abandoned. The girls were not amused……Spain won.

  2. This could easily be converted to soccer. All that’s needed is a law covering hair bands, along the lines that they cant clash with their gear.
    honest to fuck footballers with hair bands have they no shame.

  3. Crooked throw in :

    Ref walks up to hooker, stares….pulls long and hard on a cigarette then throws head upwards and sideways dramatically at 30 degree angle, hair flowing just like yer wan in the Sunsilk ad., then sharply returning face to original position but with fixated murderous gaze and blows jet of smoke directly into transgressors’ face.

    Crooked Put in at scrum :

    Ref whispers faintly audible story she’s been told (in strict confidence) into ear of scrum-half, who promptly runs bawling inconsolably from field of play.

  4. Scoring: At home, encouraged! Away from home, you’re just not allowed, instant red card.

    Sometimes you also get a penalty against you. If team game is being played then all gents receive instant yellow cards.

    Try: Penalty against you, then you get a yellow card. Then you get another penalty against you. If you’re lucky

    Penalty: Whatever they damn well please!

  5. Bock the Robber comment policy, paragraph three:

    ‘I don’t mind how strongly anyone attacks my opinions, but I will not stand for personal abuse… Robust argument is welcome, but anyone who forgets their manners, and directs personal abuse at me, or at other commenters, will be banned.

    Also, describing me as humourless suggests that the original post contained humour.

  6. Who is block?

    If you like I can help you with your reading free of charge. Your comprehension problem might be more difficult, though.

  7. Did you post that comment then go away and think about it then edit it to make it sound more humorous?…Did you?…I think you did. Good boy. Better luck next time with off the cuff remarks.

  8. There’s no wan in here mis-whatyoucall about birds playing sport.

    They should be left into golf clubs an all.

    Sure, who else is going to clean out the ash trays and do the hoverin.

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