So how’s life anyway?
What? You have no life? Your job is in danger. How’s that?
What? Oh right. Banks. Bad loans. Jesus, they really screwed up, didn’t they? Lending money for things that were worth fuck-all. Anyway, never mind that. I hear you bought a new house someplace.
Oh, right. The middle of nowhere. Lovely place. I was there myself once or twice.
Yeah. I was. And it’s only a two-hour drive from Dublin, you say? Right. I see. What kind of house is it?
What? Oh right. It’s made of sticks and it arrived on the back of a truck. And there’s a wall made of sticks between you and your neighbour. Right. I see. So what’s to stop your neighbour from cutting his way into your bedroom with a breadknife?
What? A sheet of plasterboard? I see. And the missus is crying all the time? Well, not to worry. Why don’t you go out for a drink, a nice meal, maybe see a movie.
What? There’s no pub?
No restaurants? No cinema?
Nothing at all, you say? Except houses made of sticks? Nothing?
Oh right. There’s nothing except a road to Dublin. Was that the road they demolished our Valley of the Kings to build?
Right. I see. Well look, why don’t you sell up and move out?
What? You can’t? Why not?
Oh I see. You paid 350,000 for it, and now it’s only worth 100,000. I see. But come here a minute till I ask you something.
What? No, I was only thinking, you know, when you were buying the house in the middle of nowhere, made from sticks, and walls your neighbour could cut through with a breadknife, and no shops and no town and no schools and nothing to do, in a country where it rains all the fucking time?
What? Oh yeah, I’m getting to the point. When you were buying this house for 350,000, and you could look in the papers any day and see a villa in the south of France , or a beach-front property in California, for half the price? Did it ever cross your mind that there was something fishy about the deal?
No? How come?
Oh right. The bank and the estate agent and the builder told you the house was worth the money. I see.
What? And you believed them? I see.
So none of it was your fault for being fucking stupid? No?
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