Wanky Doran is dead.
A colossus among his peers. A giant. Twice winner of the All-Munster Intermediate Wanking Competition at the age of fourteen, the great Wanky Doran passed away recently.
I only heard about it last week when I met up with my old mate Mac who has been very good over the years helping me to follow Wanky’s career. The Japanese Wanking Triathlon. The Australian Wankathon. The South-Sea Islands Kahuna-Toss.
Wanky won them all.
I was chatting to Mac a couple of years back, and I was wondering how Wanky was getting on.
How’s Wanky Doran these days? I asked him.
Not too bad, said Mac. He has a big scatter of kids now.
Really? I said. And is he still doing the old wanking?
Yeah, Mac nodded. It’s his only source of income.
I’m very sad that Wanky Doran has passed away. He was an inspiration to politicians and bankers the world over and he’ll be missed.
How did he die, anyway?
Mac frowned and chewed his moustache. Low blood pressure.