How To Stop Smoking

 Posted by on February 10, 2009  Add comments
Feb 102009
 

I’m offering my free, world-famous, thirty-second, guaranteed-to-work, smoke-stopping advice session again, as I do every year, twice a year.

Do NOT pay somebody to help you stop smoking. It’s a rip-off. Keep your money.

I was the worst smoker in the world. I was a fucking pig. I was rotten.

I used to have three cigarettes in bed before I got up. Sometimes, I used to forget I had a cigarette in the ashtray and I’d light another one. Sometimes, while I was smoking a cigarette, I used to think, Jesus, I’d love a smoke. I used to wake in the middle of the night and have a cigarette.

I was a fucking disaster.

Now?

I don’t smoke at all, and furthermore, I haven’t felt the urge since a week after I stopped. How good is that?

You know all these ads promising you freedom from nicotine? Horseshit. They’re all looking for money, and they all hope you’ll fail so they can make more money out of you the next time. Fucking bastards.

I’m not looking for anything. I’m just telling you it’s possible, and not just possible but easy. I was an absolute bastard for smoking and these days I couldn’t give a flying fuck about tobacco. What’s more, I was feeling that way within a very short time of stopping, so it’s not as if I got that way after years of being off the smokes.

No. Within a few days of stopping, I’d forgotten the bastards, and it wasn’t very difficult, once I realised the secret. I’ve done a lot harder things than saying goodbye to the bastards that were killing me.

Fuck off, ya bastards, I said, and they did.

_____________

Oh, by the way, did I mention that this is the 1500th Bock post?

Hey, it’s just a number.

  24 Responses to “How To Stop Smoking”

Comments (24)
  1.  

    That’s so weird. I just made an appointment for hypnotherapy to give up smoking 350e I think it is. I gave up for a month in August and felt great, and then went back. You must have great will power.

  2.  

    Absolutely no will-power at all required.

    That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Don’t hand over money to chancers when it’s so easy to stop.

  3.  

    i’m going to go to Derry O Malley, he’s been around for a while – I dunno whether anyone knows anything about him, but he seems to have the proper qualifications. I found allen carr’s book great but got caught in a weak moment, and there I was back on them worse than ever, but I’d chop off my toes, if it would stop me smoking. I live in hope!

  4.  

    Don’t do it. Don’t be a fool.

    I looked up this guy’s website which claims that he’s licensed to practise hypnotherapy by the Society of Neuro Linguistic Programme. I haven’t been able to find any reference to the Society of Neuro Linguistic Programme. I looked up the Society of Neuro Linguistic Programming and could find no reference to that either.

    As far as I know, there is no such thing as a licence from any body of that name or similar, so you’d need to be asking hard questions about qualifications claimed by these people.

    These guys are just playing with your fears. The solution is within you, and trust me:it isn’t difficult. Don’t throw away money on something you can achieve for yourself at no cost.

  5.  

    Yeah, I might try and give up a day or two before the appointment and see how I’m feeling then. I know what you’re saying, but I was so moody and depressed after I tried to give up again after the month I was off them, that I don’t want to feel like that again. Ta for the advice and glad you’re free of the weed.

  6.  

    Email me. Don’t throw your money away.

    Seriously.

  7.  

    BOCK, if I may express a note to ELLE; I too availed of Carr but got only 3 years from that. Long story short – ‘periphal arterial disease’ which is so much pain in the legs that I was genuinely hoping for assistance from some chainsaw-wielding anybody to cut off the offending member. I stopped smoking because I was told what it was that caused such horrific pain. I stopped smoking with no qualms. Because of the fear of further pain I no longer am attached to cigarettes. I cannot now smoke which is so wierd when I look back on how much I could not do without, it really is wierd stuff. STOP is the solution, nothing else works!!!!!!

  8.  

    Elle — I checked out the website of the individual you mentioned but found no contact details.

    Furthermore, I have been unable to establish the credentials of any of the organisations quoted by those named on that website.

    At present, I’m unaware of any recognised qualifications held by any individual associated with the grouping you intend to pay for treatment.

    If Mr O Malley would like to contact me with details of his qualifications, I’ll be happy to correct this, but at present I can find no information to suggest that he holds a qualification from any institution recognised in this country.

    I don’t believe his qualifications are recognised by the NCEA. However, as I already said, I might be wrong, and he’s free to correct me if he has information to the contrary. If Mr O Malley confirms that he has qualifications recognised by the National Council for Educational Awards, I will be delighted to acknowledge this fact.

    Obviously I will then ask Mr O Malley for sight of his documentation, or otherwise confirm his qualifications with the NCEA.

    However, his licence to practise from the Society of Neuro Linguistic Programming still needs scrutiny. As far as I know, this organisation, if it exists, has no authority to license anyone in this country, but of course I could be wrong and I invite Mr O Malley to correct me if I’m mistaken.

  9.  

    like you, i just said, “enough” that was it. not will power just enough, but i do know that you have to mean it. congrats on the 1500 posts! xoxox

  10.  

    I looked him up on the net, but I couldn’t find out much about him. I did think 350 ridiculous but of course the reasoning is the money you’d save. I have tried hypnotherapy before years ago, but I thought it was a magic cure and didn’t really want to give up at the time. When was enough enough for you tho? What made you think, that’s it and that you were delighted with yourself when you were off them over 3 weeks lets say? I wish they were illegal to buy, but they’re bloody everywhere.

  11.  

    i’d give up if i wanted to quit. i thought being made redundant last year would have been the kickstart i needed. i did cut down but now i find the stress of not finding a job is making me smoke even more… how do you give up if you don’t want to give up yet?!

  12.  

    I’m off the fags 10 years now. Woke up with a terrible hangover after a party and brought up my cup of tea. Then another one came up so I tried a fag. I caught it and threw it away. Haven’t smoked since. About 2 months after giving up I was offered a fag while a little pissed, I kinda wanted it but didn’t want it at the same time. I took it and eat it!!! That finished any cravings I had. Save your money and eat a fag!

  13.  

    Eva — There’s no point trying to stop if you don’t want to.

    However, you could maybe stop thinking of it as “giving up” and start thinking of it as “taking up” something better.

    That would get you started on the road to freedom.

    WestCork etc — That advice could be construed in many ways.

  14.  

    elle. I went to mr omalley, total total waste of time and money, i won’t get derogotary but strongly advise you to cancel, 350 euro, unbelievable rip off.
    NLP or neuro linguistic programming, is a course i undertook myself some years back, Bock is right, there is no association, it is merely a “communication skill tool” used primarily for negotiation etc, absolutly nothing whatsoever to do with hypnotherapy.
    I think mr omalley is an Acupuncturist, which is a tried and tested complimentary therapy in the right hands, i cannot advise you strongly enough not to hand over your money, i’ve since met many people who tried the technique with mr omalley, for smoking and weight loss, it’s a scam and nothing more.
    remember, if he was that successful everyone would be singing his praises, i really despise these people who prey on peoples vulnerability to make money.
    even try patches or lozenges, the gum is vile, also the national quitline are helpful, really annoying if you fall off the wahon because they keep phoning you, and you just dont want to tell them ! but seriously, you can do it on your own.

  15.  

    norma, thanks for that – It’s good to hear from someone who has been to him and has studied this NLP thingy. His cd that he sends out is very convincing and sounded great, but I have started reading my allen carr again. I am not going to go to him. It is just too much money for no guarantee. As many people have said, it’s something you have to do yourself, that’s the good/bad thing about smoking. I gave up in August for a month and I can do it again.

  16.  

    elle I did’nt start smoking until i was in my 30′s up until then i was a total health freak, since then i have had a war waging with the demon fags, basically tried everything, the one true method is to try everyday to stop deluding yourself that cigarettes are your friend….not ! nowadays all kinds of toxic shit is in them, including some kind of anti depressant concoction, so the withdrawl is tougher, i know for myself that i am clearer and calmer without them, but the initial 3 weeks are very tough, after that though its mostly mind games with yourself that tempt you, the toxins actually leave your body fairly quickly, problem is you feel so good you want to smoke ! no joking, but you will do it, no fear, it really is a freedom, go for it and good luck

  17.  

    Thanks Norma! It’s great to hear loads of people have given up. I know a lot of people who’ve given up after years of smoking. Hopefully I’ll be joining you u soon.

  18.  

    Norma — I’ll get derogatory instead then. NLP is an absoute pseudo-science. It’s part of a whole sweep of nonsense-treatments that use the language of real science to lend themselves a spurious air of legitimacy.

    Anyone who tells you they can treat you with NLP is talking through their arse.

  19.  

    How is it possible to quit so easily Bock? What’s your secret?

  20.  

    The secret is very simple: it’e easy to stop smoking. The industry just wants you to believe it’s hard so you’ll keep smoking, and so do the cowboy hypnotists who charge you money to get you off the cigarettes.

    Never pay money to these chancers. You’re the one who stops smoking, not them.

    You want to be a non-smoker?

    Here’s the secret: don’t smoke.

  21.  

    i smoked since i was 8 years old and 25 years later just stopped one day in may after going out in the sunshine and coming back in because i found it hard to breath in the heat.

    i had a few hairy dreams and still want a fag every so often but i have not had one in over 18 months and did not spend a penny on those quacks with their needles and hypnotherapy. i often think they hypnotise you to quit for a while then start again worse than before to guarantee themselves future income.

    bock’s advice above is the best, simply say fuck off ye bastards whenever you want one!

  22.  

    Was hypnotised last week – didn;t work, now €350 down – what a waste

  23.  

    Hi Bock,

    i have an appointment with Derry O’Malley. I presume you feel that it might be a waste of time???

  24.  

    As I already said, you’re the one who’s going to stop smoking. Nobody else can do it for you.

    If you want to stop smoking, this is how you do it.

    Don’t smoke.

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