Ireland vs France 2009

I was chatting with a French fella this morning over coffee.  Well, I was having coffee while he was skulling back a pint of disgusting pale lager.  A local French guy, I should clarify, not some character who came over for the match, though we bumped into a few of them last night too.

Come here, ya bollix.  Them fuckin Frogs can’t play rugby for shit!

So anyway, when he stopped laughing and picked himself up from the sawdust-covered floor, and regained his seat, and took a slug from his pint and heaved several deep, rasping, phlegm-choked gasps and wiped the tears from his eyes, he regarded me sadly and said

What?

French rugby, I said.  We’ll fuckin hammer ‘em.

Ah see he said.  Zheust lack ze last nine times you sayed you would feukeeng hammeur us?  Yes?

We’ll do it this time,  I said.  You beat us in Croker by a fuckin fluke.

A feukieeng fleek?  You refeur perraps to ze fleek where Monsieur Clerc has cut your deefonss in smull pisses and make you leuk lack ze big feukineeng fulls?  Zat feukeeng fleek?

Fuck you, I riposted with as much panache, verve and flair as I could muster.

Hong hong, he honged, a bit too Gallically for my liking.  We will keek your fuekeeng arsees yet agann zis aftairnun. Hong, hong, hong.

Fuck you, I replied. 

That shut him up, let me tell you.

_________________

UPDATE

Ireland 30 – France 21

Hmm.

Now where is that French fucker?  It’s not that I want to gloat or anything.  It’s just that I want to –- well, all right then, I want to gloat.  What’s wrong with that?

28 thoughts on “Ireland vs France 2009

  1. We absorbed the pressure. We kept our heads about us. We bided our time. We struck with panache when we had the chances. We beat them up, rolled them over and never let them think they had the making of us.

    Of course in 2011 they will have learned their lessons while we’ll still have the same staring 15, probably rolling out Brian O’Driscoll in a wheelchair with a number 13 deawn in crayon on it.

    IT DOESNT MATTER. HE’S BRIAN O’DRISCOLL DAMMITT!!

    Might as well enjoy it while we can none the less.

  2. Absolutley nothing wrong with that, Bock. The Frenchies need to know their place. ;)

    Now if Setanta will only broadcast the match over here so I can see it. :/

  3. THANK YOUUUUUU MISTER REFEREEEEE
    THAAAAANK YOUUUUUUUU MIIISTER REFEREEEEE !
    THHHAAAAAANNNNK YOUUUUUU MIISTER REFEREEEEEEE !!! Sing this like you want !! :D
    Ugly British Rugby power ! Our rugby is fucking more nice than your !! We just can’t cheat as your players in the ruck and referee helped you a lot : Hands away green 10 times and no fault versus 0 hands away for us and direct fault !! Muhahaha JOKE ??? !! That’s all !!
    See you next years in France loosers !! =)

  4. @Shun…..British Rugby???? Do you mean the England v.Italy debacle?, yes it was ugly. Not at all like the fantastic game served up by both sides in Croke Park. Always a good match when the referee is never mentioned, so well done, you’re the first to have noticed him. Always a lame excuse at best but 1 out of 10 for effort.

    You need to get an up to date atlas, mon ami. btw, Le Petit Bretagne is on your turf, not ours, so who’s a shaggin’ Brit now?

  5. Shun,
    Moving (as a spectator) from the England/Italy match to the Irish/French match was like moving from a Morris Minor to a Porsche Turbo Cabriolet.

    Fais attention. Les Irlandais arrivent. :)

  6. “Our rugby is fucking more nice than your”

    Our what?

    Our Defence?

    Our compusure?

    Our closing channels despite commiting more players than yours to the breakdown?

    See you next year indeed.

    And tell that seabass to get a haircut. He looks like a hippy.

  7. I’m talking about famous british “pick and go” aka BOUM…. BOUM…. BOUM…. ! French shown a nice game !! Always attacked from the 22M aka BANZAIIIIIIII !!! :D
    Then we have many good players who never played together, it’s a team in construction !
    BUT TRUE !!! YES TRUE !! Was fooking more brilliant match than rosbeef vs spagghetti from the 2 side ! And Ireland even with referee help :P, deserve a victory and it’s better for future anyway and the show, THE SHOOOW !!!! :D
    Muhahaha HUURRRAY FOR RUGBY mes amis !!!

  8. We have a tradition in Munster. When we lose, we accept our defeat without blaming the referee.

    It’s a very good custom, and I recommend it to you.

  9. The Welsh had a good away win over the Scots on Sunday – I remember that lunatic married to the Queen, the English one, caused a storm years back. He was visiting a driving school in Glasgow and asked one of the instructors “how do you keep the locals sober long enough for them to pass the test”? – that wound up on the front page of the Scotsman. Priceless. Oh yes, rugby. The Frogs have been squashed and the Italians will be put to the sword in the Eternal City followed by another win over England. So we’re left with the Welsh in Cardiff four days after Paddys day – that will be the one.

  10. It’s a bit rich to have the British royals accusing other people of being drunks.

    But yes, Cardiff seems to be the big one, I think. However, we still have to beat England, Scotland and Italy, so maybe it would be as well not to get too carried away just yet.

  11. “And tell that seabass to get a haircut. He looks like a hippy.”

    Hey Doc,
    if you’re referring to the #5 Frenchman, my children refer to him as ‘Sasquatch’.

  12. Yeah thats the fella. Although I was being a bit facetious. Chabal is an absolute legend and I am a huge fan of French rugby. When they are not playing Ireland I shout for the French every time. I love their style of play, wide ball, chips and sprints, the fastest Number 9 in the game…. Its just brilliant rugby.

    And true to my prediction Monsiuer Marc has made four changes to the lineup for their next match. By next year he will more than likely have our number.

  13. I think Chabal is showing less punch than he used to. In the Munster-Sale game, he spent half his time ruck-inspecting, and last Saturday he was invisible a lot of the time.

  14. In fairness he is on the first plane back to france after this season. He doesnt give a flying shite about Sale anymore.

    Besides, I really dont think Number 5 is his preferred position. I think he’s a more natural number 8 with his strenght and turn of pace. I think the french aversion to pick and drive has him stuck in as a lock because of his size and power.

  15. That’s right. I always have to remind myself that he isn’t No 8 for France. But he plays in both positions for Sale.

  16. That’s it, Chabal (thanks, had forgotten his name) Yes, he’s great, regardless of his ‘positional number’. That, and his presentation on the field is probably what drew the attention and the fond nickname. France are always worth a watch as they never seem to disappoint. I’m given to understand that they also seem to never disappoint when it comes to their calendars, either…

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