Business Ideas for the New Great Depression

I was chatting with Parkenstein last night when he mentioned he had a new business idea.  His last one was pretty good, but it was geared more towards boom times.  It was a kind of PayPal for crooked builders and corrupt politicians.  Brown Envelope On Line, he called the company.

Listen, he said, I want to talk to you about a new idea, for the coming Great Depression.

All right, I said.  Will we do it over a pint?

Why not, he said. Where will we go?  The Nest of Fascists?

No, I said.  Too many woolly liberals there.  What about the Ginny-Goat’s Hole?

No, he said.  Too many Croatians there.

So we went to Bombay Mick’s.

Now, I said, get your face around that lovely creamy slurpy pint of Guinness and then you can tell me all about your new idea. I hope it’s better than your advice to buy Bank of Ireland shares.

It is, he said, biting into his pint.  God that’s great stuff.

It’s your only man, I said.  Go on.

Well, he said, I was thinking.  Now that the economy has collapsed and we’re like the coyote still out there running on thin air because we haven’t realised we ran over the edge of a cliff …


Well, he said, when all the shops are closed, and everyone is out of work, and nobody is going to town any more because they have no money, and nobody goes to the pubs like we’re doing now because they can’t afford to …

Go on.

Well, he said, these streets are going to be deserted and there’s going to be a big demand for …

What? I said.

Tumbleweed, Parkenstein replied.  Synthetic tumbleweed.  That’s the new growth area.  We’ll export it all over the world and save Ireland’s economy.

5 thoughts on “Business Ideas for the New Great Depression

  1. If it’s good enough for deserted movie sets and good enough to be included in some of the best cowboy films produced in those deserted places I don’t see why as an idea it shouldn’t be considered as put.

    A breezy discussion could move it forward.

    Synthetic could well be the direction. Even virtual tumbleweed is possible. At least he’s thinking.

    That’s not happening in the Dáil.

  2. Could we arrange for the EU to give grants to our farmers for growing tumbleweed?

  3. A question about this:


    “Now, I said, get your face around that lovely creamy slurpy pint of Guinness…

    …God that’s great stuff.

    It’s your only man, I said. Go on”.


    What does “It’s your only man” mean?!


    Why don’t governments just give each citizen an acre of land or so, and teach everyone to grow their own food, build their own house, and sew their own clothes? I know, most people would be horrified at such an option, but maybe a lot of people would try it, if it was subsidized or at least encouraged by their government? Could cause a glut of tumbleweed, but still…

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.