Celebrity Chefs
Mar 19th, 2009 | By Bock | Category: Bock rant, televisionTV chefs. Jesus, I hate them.
What is wrong with these people? Get a grip, guys. You’re not curing cancer. You’re not exploring the nature of existence. You’re not writing a Paganini concerto.
You’re making the fucking dinner.
That’s all.
You’re cooking food, just like I do, and just like everyone else does, and so what if you do it better than I do? You’re supposed to do it better than me for fucksake. You’re trained to do it better. You’re the cook – not me.
My mechanic can fix my car better than I do, but that’s because he served his time as an apprentice. He doesn’t think he’s a celebrity. He doesn’t expect to be on the TV, smirking at the fucking camera like he was explaining the secrets of the universe.
He just fixes cars.
You just make the dinner.
It’s that simple.
What next? Celebrity bricklayers? Celebrity plumbers?
Get back in the kitchen, cook something, and then fuck off.
I’m a plasterer get me the fuck outa here
My mechanic can probably bake a cake better than Rachel Allen, but he doesn’t have her tits, or look as good in a skirt bending over the oven.
She can stay.. the rest can go.
The comments so far are brill, but BOCK, you clearly have not tuned in to the DISCOVERY channels where you would have seen that even bricklayers and plumbers do have their own TV shows. Weird shit; but true to say.
don’t know about you, but I /like/ my food to explode before I eat it, and if it looks like strawberry and smells like strawberry, it better not actually be strawberry or the chef’s simply not trying hard enough.
/me goes back to cooking toast flambé – I love the smell of charcoal in the morning…
btw: I’m really enjoying Heston Blumenthal’s banquet series.
looking forward to being on Celebrity PHP Developer.
Sure it’s all over, isn’t there some reality thing in a garage, then there is the builders off those re-do your gaff shows, McLeod off grand designs (still waiting for him to decapitate someone for the ‘quickening’), Titchmarsh, D. Gavin and Dimmuck (get em out love). There are probably celebrity window cleaners. And who’s fault is it? We the great unwashed masses who lap this shit up (mmmm, Dimmuck). What? Oh, right.
You’re forgetting about Pimp My Ride.
gimme 2 minutes with that gowlbag gordon ramsey,he would never shout at some misfortune again,chefs are bullies,picked on when younger for wanting to do sissy jobs and then take the frustrations out on the young trainees who have to put up with it.walking egos the lot of them.dynorod are getting their own tv reality series,ramsey cooks it,murphy powerblasts it,we see the full food cycle,start to finish,least then we can say the tellys shit
Do you remember Graham Kerr – the Galloping Gourmet or whatever he was called – lubricated by the end of each programme?
Crap television is just a consequence of the explosion in the number of channels and budgets spread thinner and thinner. Detective programmes are now classified as ‘drama’.
I’d switch on my television for half an hour if it broadcast a swear-off between Bock and Gordon Ramsey.
This is all someone elses problem since I had the channels disconnected. These days I make my own shows such as ‘Reality going for a nice walk after dinner’, ‘Celebrity ignorance’, ‘I’m a Father get me out of here’ and ‘Reading a Book Before Bed Time’. I also have such shows as ‘Playing my Xbox 4Real’ and ‘Surfing off West Clare’ for a bit of excitement and now that the summer is coming I’ll be hoping to have a weekly ‘Bar-b-que and Beer With Doc’
DIY TV Rocks.
Menu proposal for the next FF-gala dinner: ‘Chefs sans Cojones’.
Nothing irks me so much these days as Celebrity Cunt Robson Greene on his beyond shit and incredibly uninformative show Extreme Fishing – more like Extreme Wankerdom.
Celebrity Taoiseach………A bunch of nobodies are asked to join a political party and stab each other in the back until one becomes leader of the country and pockets wads of cash for sitting on his arse……..Its been running for about 20 years now in Ireland…can’t wait to see how it all ends.
Deep down in their hearts they, the bastard chefs, know that their doing wimmins work.
And they know that we know it – and they know that we know that they know that we know it. And they hate us for it. Likewise, they dispise themselves, cooking, going forward.
i’m with Stan on this one.
we can all go up to the studio on a beer bus and make banners to wave at the camera in between rounds??!
So true.. That one Nigella Lawson really gets my goat up, looks far too like Russell Brand for her own good.. Maybe they are the same person, has anyone even seen either of them in two different places at the one time?
I have a recipie I’d love to teach that Nigella. Its called Ripe Breast in Cream of Sumyungai.
I’d show her so I would.
I’d show her good…
Bock, what the fuck are you on about? Encouraging people to eat well can only make them healthy and strong… so Jamie Oliver and his ilk ARE curing cancer.
Not Nigella, though. She’s trying to kill us all with her deep-fried sexy MarsBars and all that.
The only reason to watch these chefs, is the hope that one of their underlings looses it and fucks them from a height before breaking their jaw.
Do the laws on bullying not apply to these shits,that sort of carry on hardly happens in kitchens does it.
I cant think of anywhere that conduct would be tolerated.
Lemonhead — Will you give me a price on a bit of work in my place?
Mr Bastard — So your mechanic wears a skirt, but doesn’t look good in it. Is that what you’re saying?
Unstranger — True. But they aren’t puffed-up preening wankers like the celebrity schefs.
Kae Verens — Exploding food. Bangers and mash?
Grow Up — Now I’m getting depressed.
Caro — Fuck. Celebrity panel beaters.
Imbatman — Don’t hold back.
Ian — It’s the impoverishment of language, in the same way that bank accounts are called products.
Stan — Fuck me sideways! What a fucking great big bastard of an idea.
Dr Orgasm — Excellent. Celebrity drunkard.
Sean — Sounds about right.
Rockmother — Robson Greene? Fishing? What the fuck?
Pheasantfukker — You know how it will alll end. In tears.
Abdul — That’s right. They hate themselves, but I hate them more.
Eva — Will you make the papier maché heads?
Alan — Now you did it. My smashing-russell-brand’s-fucking-face-in reflex has started again.
Sweary — Jamie and his ilk can fuck off. Nigella can also go fuck off. I fucking hate the whole fucking lot of them.
De Fan — I’d like to see one of the apprentice chefs hit them in the face with a cleaver. That would be fucking great.
Bock lo-oves can-cer.
And on what de fan has said… have you ever worked in a kitchen? Chefs are shocking great bullies, celebrities and non-entities alike. It’s all the heat and the knives.
Over on the other side of the Atlantic we have:
Speed Channel
Celebrity mechanics (cars)
Celebrity mechanics (motorbikes)
Celebrity car stereo installers
Celebrity car interior pimpers
Celebrity car re-sprayers
HGTV Channel
Celebrity interior designers
Celebrity carpenters
Celebrity painters and decorators
Celebrity clutter clearers
Celebrity garden designers
Celebrity gardeners
Celebrity property stagers (inc. Sarah Beeney’s smarter sister)
And I haven’t even started on the chefs and food stylists…!
You really don’t know how lucky you are have avoided this lot.
Watch out for Duncan Stewart’s new cookery show!
Duncan fucking Stewart.
You know what I think about him.
mapstew………..did you really have to mention Duncan Stewart? Do you not realise what that does to Bock?
Read………
http://bocktherobber.com/2006/11/i-hate-duncan-stewart
Ha ha, Anthony. Thanks for that link.
oops! (tee-hee).
Just because that plank Jamie Oliver thought of a new idea for a program don’t think he gives a shit about anyones health, didn’t the prick promote loads of fat induced crap from that supermarket i care not to mention.
Seriously did you ever see the fatso and the cuts of fatty bacon he puts in the dinner?
I agree in a job that should be done by slaves they shouldn’t be treated as celebrities.
What makes a celebrity chef? We do , it serves us bloody well right! The people get what the People want. Personally I do not look at them , but maybe that’s just me.
As an aside mirlme nice site. What is the language?