The Pope is worried about a contraception mentality threatening the fabric of Africa’s life, hope and stability. He thinks the only way to tackle the AIDS epidemic is through fidelity and abstinence.
Well why the hell didn’t I think of that? AIDS is caused by condoms. I’m going straight over there to Africa and explain to people that their problems are at an end.
It’s simple, I’ll say. You just have to stay faithful, abstain from sex with anyone but your spouse, don’t put a piece of rubber on your knob, and all the AIDS in Africa will go away.
And you know what? That’s exactly what they’ll do. People, being highly rational, will immediately see the sense of what Ratzo has to say.
You mean, they’ll ask, astounded, all we have to do is stay faithful and only have sex with one person?
Yup, I’ll tell them. But you can’t put a bit of rubber on your knob either or you’ll get AIDS immediately.
Well dang me, they’ll say, why didn’t anyone tell us this before? Right guys. Everyone stop having sex and AIDS will go away. The old white guy from Germany says so.
And you know what they’ll do? That’s right. Everyone in Africa will stop having sex with strangers, and that will be the end of the problem. AIDS will disappear overnight, and all because Ratzo clicks his heels and thinks of Loonie-land.
But why talk just about Africa? Why just talk about AIDS? Let’s talk about sex, Baby. Unprotected sex. We haven’t got enough children on this planet. Let’s double the population of the world. Let’s fucking treble it. That will really help our future, won’t it? Let’s quadruple the number of people burning fossil fuels, demolishing tropical rainforest, demanding clean water.
What a fucking genius Ratzo is. We could do with a man like him in charge over here. Haven’t we a problem in this country with the contraception mentality? Let’s encourage all our people to have dozens of children they can’t feed or clothe or educate. Let’s fill this country with kids who have no future except poverty, crime and ignorance. Let’s breed the fuck out of ourselves until we’re up to our necks in babies we can’t afford. What a fucking great idea.
Down with the contraception mentality. Down with that sort of thing.
Up with the Pope.
Previously on Bock: