Budget 2009 — My suggestions

Thanks to Marian Finucane for coining the word of the decade.


That’s what we’re facing tomorrow, I’m afraid, and that’s not just a figure of speech.  I really am afraid.  The incompetent, corrupt bastards who got us into this mess are now handing us a tub of Vaseline and inviting us to bend over.

They’re looking for â€3.5 billion.

Here’s my two budget suggestions: take back from the Catholic Church the â€1.5 billion this government paid on behalf of clergy who abused children while they contributed almost nothing.

Take the â€13 billion that the Corrib Gas Field is worth, and which Shell E&P is being given for nothing because of a crooked deal with two crooked government ministers, Ray Burke and Bertie Ahern.

Why not?  If all workers have to accept pay cuts, and if nurses and firemen have to pay pension levies, why shouldn’t a gigantic energy company pay its fair share at a time of national crisis?  Tear up the contract and make them pay.  If they refuse, tell them to fuck off.

Oops!  That’s nearly â€15 billion without removing a single carer’s allowance. 


Meanwhile, David McWilliams puts his finger on the gigantic scam that the government is about to perpetrate in order to bail out their banking pals at your expense.



Sunday Tribune

Head Rambles

On Bock:

Corrib Pipeline Protests

The Oil Company, The Crooked Politician and the Theft of Ireland’s Energy Resources

The Feast of the Blessed Condescension

Oh, the Sisters of Mercy, they are not departed or gone.


22 thoughts on “Budget 2009 — My suggestions

  1. Ah, but that would be too much like common sense! This budget is not about national solidarity in a time of crisis it is as you hinted about yet another arse raping of epic proportions perpetrated once again by those glorious soldiers of crookery. And they still maintain a 28% support base. Democracy me arse!

  2. Do you seriously think we are getting the Vaseline for free? If we feel the need for it that will be another €1,000 thank you! The Greens want a Tax on home gardens. No doubt the good old boy ‘s in the Dail shall revert to the day’s of the Empire and Tax light, a window Tax. Perhaps a Tax for breathing? Not to worry none of these shall apply to the Golden Circle because they are “worth it”.

  3. Couldn’t we extract a kidney from each culpable bank executive, government minister, crooked property developer, and sell them on the black market? Two kidneys from particularly culpable jerks.

  4. C’est La Craic that notion would cheat our Lord’s and Masters out of 50% of potential revenue. Think of all the Oxygen we have been burning up inside our bodies for years without paying a cent. Not good enough ! Of course the “lower orders” shall have to pay for their own breathing meters on pain of a modest fine of say €50,000. The meters themselves shall be available at any local Post Office for again the nominal fee of €5,000. Enjoy France my friend.

  5. Its very obvious boys and girls. Its time to restart the black economy. Nixers and foxers. You cut my hair, I fix your car etc, get the cash flowing again. Eliminate the extortionate VAT & taxes paid to this government for them to piss it away, €20 billion on health?, bail out a few master criminals sorry bankers come off it. They have already proven that they can`t manage it. Why should we pay taxes to that incompetent shower of wankers and their lackies.
    No party has the balls to take the measures to repair our economy. The budget will be another half arsed effort. Thinking outside the “bocks” is needed. The sooner the IMF come in, give us the pain and let the recovery start the better!

  6. Just on your initial point Backhander, I always thought bartering was tax-free!.

    Well it is when I do it, fucked if I’m voluntarily paying for one of the five civil servants permanently employed licking stamps and writing lies for Willie O’Day. Another perk that will be overlooked tomorrow.

    As for saving more dosh. Brownbag Berties legacy….that billion euros a year to build roads, shopping centres, airfields and re-conciliation centres in the northern territories. Surely the fuck they’re not still handing our cash over to that crowd? . Bad enough that half of Dublin do their weekly shopping in Newry.

    Got to love the Greens….a garden tax, timing all out there from the knit your own yoghurt crew, April 1st was five days ago.

  7. I think we should get together, go right back to basics, sit down around a table and take a long, hard look at the situation.

    What do you reckon?

    That ought to do it.

  8. Bock Only if I can be Chairman, Opps Chairperson and get a mere €20,000 for a max. of two meetings a year . Preferably in Bermuda. All expences paid of course and I shall have to bring my lady wife

  9. @ Begrudger, from the perspective of someone who lives with both the donor and the recipient of the same set of kidneys, I spot a fly in the ointment of your cunning plan. The high life excesses of your average Joe Bank Executive would render their organs unfit for use by humans with a conscience. Greed contaminates.

  10. you’d free up another few ‘mill by removing the state sposored private security that Shell get down here in the form of the police and navy. there’s going to be a hell of a lot spent on it come August when the pipes start to be laid. not sure but I think the figure currently stands at €10,000,000 spent to date since the whole thing began?? 10 million is pissing money to shell.

    i know that one garda earned €81,000 in overtime alone in one year. for that you could’ve paid for 4 people’s carer’s allowance for a whole year at the top rate…

  11. why not take back the the money given to the banks already? the money should then be divided amongst its mortgage customers. preferably thoses paying a mortgage on the house they actually live in. they would not recieve the money directly, instead it would be subtracted from the principle they owe. this would apply to those on both fixed and variable mortgages. in this way the banks would get the €7billion indirectly and a lot of taxpayers could benifit from this transaction. the reduced principle would result in reduced monthly repayments, leading to an increase in the spending power of customers. result would be more money flowing in the economy. secondly a reduced monthly repayment could offset any effects of todays hatchet job.

  12. Gerrryo An excellent idea in an ideal World this could work. Regrettably we do not live in an ideal World. The proposal is flawed for a number of reasons. The reasons the Bank’s required the State money was because of reckless loans to speculators, builders and other people who (as it turned out) had little or no hope of paying it back. If your proposal were to be accepted then the Bank’s would lose profit. This is not allowed in the World in which we live. The Governments answer is to transfer these bad debt’s to the Taxpayer. This will supposedly settle the international Capitalist community and allow reinvestment in Ireland. The little people who took out mad mortgages will pay. As shall our children and grand children for generations to come. While the Pup’s of the Celtic Tiger enjoy the good life in Bermuda or some other sunny climate. “The People get the Government they deserve”

  13. Gerryo and Gary stop it, such sensible suggestions are totally inappropriate. I propose a levy on all such ideas. A double levy on misogynists. Listening to Lenihan as I write this, my original prediction correct HALF ARSED. Early retirement for public servants ( why not just sack the incompetent fuckers lurking in their ranks) with a lump sum, so that they can be re-employed as consultants, inspirational Brian. Bring in the IMF today!

  14. A statement on behalf of the Government,

    People of Ireland “Now is the time when every one must come to the aid of the Party”
    While we are aware that you all feel Fucked and are angry. It is of no importance resistance is futile .
    We shall be back in a few day’s time to have another go. Have your first born ready for sale for body parts. Well that will do for starters. We can see that you still wear clothes that sort of nonsense will have to stop, you’d better have more kid’s ready the next time we call.

    End of statement.

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