Christian Science and the Zombie Jesus

Every Good Friday, I try to do a little meditation on the meaning of the day, and this year is no exception. We’ll try to keep the tone reasonably high, as usual.

Now, let me just reflect on the background to this for a moment, if I may, and I’ll try not to detain you long, unless you choose to remain with us to the end. I hope you will.

When I was a child growing up, there were many churches, just as there are in America or Britain or anywhere else in the world, but this was a particularly benighted country, much as America still is, or Saudi Arabia, though we didn’t stone women to death in this country. Instead, we shoved them into nun-run laundries as slaves and kept them there until they died, friendless and without family.

We were much more civilised than those unwashed foreigners.

My Auntie was a devoted believer in Catholic superstition and used to drag me by the hand to all the churches in town. My favourite was St Michael’s where a statue of the Archangel stands on top of the spire. He’s killing a serpent with his spear and he’s saying in Latin Take that motherfucker!

Marvellous stuff.

Of course, that’s not what I started to talk about, but it is related.

I used to know a priest who had coeliac disease. He applied to his local bishop for a special exemption to use gluten-free bread when turning Jesus into a biscuit, but he was refused permission.

I found that hard to understand. The Catholic doctrine is that the biscuit becomes the body and blood of Jesus Christ, which of course I find fascinating, having a considerable interest in scientific matters. I was always interested to know how bread could actually be flesh, and not just in a symbolic way.

Oddly enough, most Catholics are unaware of this central doctrine of their church, that the consecrated host is not simply symbolic, but actually IS Jesus.

So. Gluten-free bread was not acceptable to the bishops, and I wondered about that. I wondered what logic they applied to their refusal. Did they decide that a gluten-free biscuit would lead to a gluten-free Jesus? Did they decide that a coeliac-friendly Christ was not the future of Christianity? I’d love to know which chemist-bishop figured this out.

Do you know what I also wondered?

When the priest does the hubba-hubba-hubba turning the biscuit into Jesus, what are the health and safety precautions? For example, if I staggered into the church after a night on the piss, and maybe I had a half-eaten kebab in my pocket, or an old ham sandwich, would the sparks from the priest’s fingertips accidentally turn my kebab into Jesus? Or if the kebab was wrapped in aluminium foil, would that be enough to deflect the holy radiation? What about if my pocket was full of forgotten digestive biscuit crumbs? Could I end up with Jesus-in-da-pocket syndrome? Could I sue the Catholic church? Oh wait, hang on, the taxpayer would cover it like they did with the child-abuse claims. What was I thinking?

Take it a step further. Since the bishops were so worried about gluten-free biscuits, what exactly is necessary to create a fully-functioning Jesus? Is it the glutens? Are they essential or would it be possible to convert a bag of chips into a Saviour, or would the saturated fats get in the way? So many questions.

There was a tank outside the Dominican church, and that’s where my Auntie used to get a little bottle of holy water.

Now there’s a thought.

Holy water.

What exactly is holy water? Are the molecules of holy water in some way different from ordinary water? Like heavy water. I don’t know, but I do know that my Auntie used to collect this water and then we’d have to dab the stuff out of a little sponge-thing in the hall and go nub nub nub Jesus num nub nub Mary Joseph fucking Jesus before leaving the house.

I have no idea why, but I have to confess that this holy water notion got to me. What the hell is this, I asked in my childish error.

It came to a head when a Dominican called to our school to lecture us on utterly insane Catholic shit that none of us could possibly believe because we were reasonably intelligent children.

Even though he was a Dominican, I didn’t ask him about the auto da fé, because I was only seven and had never heard of the auto da fé, but I did ask him about the holy water tank outside his church that my Auntie used to fill a little bottle from once a week.

Does a priest come out every day and zap it to make it holy? That’s all I wanted to know.

No, it turned out. A priest didn’t come out every day to zap it. In fact, a priest didn’t even come out once a year to zap it.

A priest, in truth, didn’t come out to zap it, at all. Ever!


Science. That’s why. This kindly torturing Inquisitor explained that there was a two-inch gap below the tap on the holy-water tank. Ullage. And there was a float-valve inside the tank, much like your average toilet cistern. The logic was very simple. There was always a little holy water left below the level of the tap, which the new water mixed with, making the whole lot holy.

Holy homeopathy Batman!

Brownian blessings.

And that’s what started my little childish brain wondering. If a tiny drop of water at the bottom of a tank can continue to sanctify endless inpouring of mains water, without clerical rezapping, then perhaps holy molecules are indeed massively powerful.

I know. All right? I know how many molecules are in a micro-minimum tiny metric fuckfull of Avogadroness. I know! It’s ludicrous how many molecules there are in the tiniest sparrow-spit. I know this. It only adds strength to my conjecture, which is this: if an inch of holy water at the bottom of a tank is enough to turn every drop of incoming water into mega-powerful-strength-watery-stuff, then what happens when this amazing substance gets into the watercourses or evaporates and falls as rain?

What happens then? Eh? What?

What happens when it gets into the ocean?

Are all the oceans of the world holy water or does the salt neutralise it?

It’s all about science really, isn’t it, this religion stuff? All very logical.

And this is why, on Good Friday, we need to contemplate the wonderful miracle of the resurrection. The zombie Jesus.

To be more specific, We need to contemplate the various body-parts Jesus left behind him, including, but not confined to, his foreskin. Dandruff. Toe-nail clippings. Hawking and spitting from chest infections. Other nameless stuff.

Where did all those blessed molecules go?

Didn’t they simply get broken down by microbes and enter the food chain? Didn’t they become dispersed and part of the living chain? Of course. And some of them ended up as single molecules in a fly or a mosquito trapped in amber, but others must have clustered.

Out there somewhere is a fish with more Jesus-molecules than all the rest.

I fear that fish.

(With thanks to Achilles for the pics)


Also on Bock:

Saint Bock’s Gospel

Battlestar Catholactica

The Mobile Consecrator Rises Again

90 thoughts on “Christian Science and the Zombie Jesus

  1. Your lack of faith disturbs me.

    A Roman Catholic Priest can turn his own excrement into the body of Christ.

    He also has the power to forgive you of the sin of not believing in his power.

  2. i wasn’t raised in a catholic family so when i got a bit older and realised that this is the kinda stuff catholics are asked to believe in it really disturbed me – still does. now when i ask catholics of my own age if they believe in transubstantiation a lot of them think i’m making it up. catholics are weird. no more or less weird than any other organised religion i suppose – just weird.

  3. Yeah,

    And if a Roman Catholic priest can turn his shyte into the body of Christ. Imagine what a Pope could do.

    Oh, he did it already. He can turn it into Gold. Ambrosia Bank. Remember that?

    The Medici? They can even, for a fee, buy your sins from you. Pope Leo X

    Just Like Brian Lenihan.

    Christ, what a bucket of shit.

    What’s Christ going to do about it?

    Nothing. He is dead. He was a man. Not the Son of God. None of us are.

  4. and I wonder if you added it to whiskey would it make it more properly into “uisce beatha”, the water of life?

    @Abbot, I think that stuff is still going on, only more subtle – isn’t that what the passing around of the money bowls is about? peer pressure and indoctrination forces old dearies to put parts of their weekly income into it, just so the poor priest doesn’t run out of diesel in his merc.

  5. The catholic church are leeches. Collection bowls at every mass while they sit on vast reserves of wealth and property. 3 – 4 priests in O’Connell Ave. in a house well in excess of €1m. Vow of poverty my arse.

  6. For a “host” to be used as communion it must be bread.

    The church dictates that the host must contain gluten in order for the host to be defined as “bread”.

    “Gluten Free” hosts are available and have been available within the church for years.

    Any product can contain a tiny amount of gluten (less than 200 parts per million – now changing to less than 20 parts per million) and be labelled and considered as Gluten Free.

    So a Gluten Free host can contain a small amount of Gluten, can be considered Gluten Free and meet the churchs required standard.

    That said, some Coeliacs who are hyper sensitive – can react to the smallest amount of Gluten in a product.

  7. The church takes the view that there must be Gluten in the host.

    I also should have said that if your friend (the priest) was in the US then the “Gluten Free” host is referred to as a “Low Gluten” host – as there is a different standard used to define “Gluten Free” in the US i.e. In the US – Gluten Free means NO Gluten at all.

  8. I think the churchs way of thinking is that Jesus converted bread to body. Therefore only bread should be used.

    The next question is – what is bread?

    From the churchs point of view, for bread to be bread it must contain gluten.

    I think they adapt the attitude that if they change this – then they will open the door for smarties to be used.

    It appears that the doctrine is that bread and only bread can be changed in body.

    A question did arise several years ago as to whether a host could contain a molecule of gluten and then be used. In the US this would still be a low gluten host rather than a gluten free host.

  9. If you can get people to believe this shite then you can get them to believe anything. Like, you should do what the priest says, have faith in your politicians, believe in the value of your paper money etc.
    It’s just a system of conditioning. Bend your knee, bow your head, and get fucking used to it.

    Interesting point about the holy water going into the ocean. I think that’s probably what’s causing the polar ice caps to melt.

  10. To be fair though not everything about religion is rubbish. My girlfriend was brought up a devout Catholic and has the principles of Jesus Christ deeply instilled in her life.

    When I ejaculate on one side of her face, she turns the other cheek.

  11. A child I know has severe Coeliac disease. She has been hospitalised several times with it. She was to make her First Communion last year. Her mother (very respectfully) explained the situation to the priest. He REFUSED to allow the use of any host other that the “proper host”. The mother explained that her child would be in severe pain throughout her First Communion day and for 3-4 days afterwards if she ate anything containing gluten. He didn’t give a damn! He said that he would give her the wine instead! A little 8 year old child on her First Holy Communion day!! In 2008 mind you, not 1808!
    It was resolved by the child’s teacher sourcing and buying the gluten-free hosts, tackiling the priest (not easy when he technically employs her!!), and telling him in no uncertain terms that he was to use these breads for this child EVERY TIME she came to the alter rail!!! He crumbled, like any bully.

  12. Your post on this subject really brought me back to a nearly forgotten incident when I was a child.
    My parents had what was termed a “mixed marriage” way back when protestants/catholics were viewed as seperate species, My Mother being the catholic had bonded with this convent and was always doing things for them, however she was, for some strange reason storing box’s of “host bread” in the house, I had no idea what they were and being about 6 my curiousity overcame me and I had to investigate what was in these box’s that i had been told “don’t touch” .
    I was discovered in the company of our 3 dogs with the precious box’s, sitting there feeding them to the dog’s and myself, total chaos ensued, my Mother screaming about all manner of transgressions and dire punishments, the poor dog’s, their mouths glued from the rotten stuff and my Father, who had by then rejected all manner of religious creed and paraphanalia defending me and being accused of devilish behaviour….yeah those were the day’s.
    I actually recall opening the door once to a priest who asked “is the black protestant at home” Looking back, I was lucky growing up with such chaos, I had no religious leanings.
    Fox; are you incurring the “wrath of meabh” ?

  13. “The Life of Brian” the most honest review of the whole Jesus cult, should be on the school curriculum. Will this ever happen?

  14. [Mod Edit: Fox, that comment about Medbh was out of order and has been deleted. Please refer to the comments policy.]

  15. Haha and they have the balls to call you a misogynist Bock.

    Fair play Bock, fair play. Anyway in sticking with the sentiments at the end of my deleted comment, have a good weekend everyone.

  16. I never read it either Morgor.

    I miss the old days, you know last week, when he was oppressing women and stuff.

  17. Mairead, stories like that keep my bitter anti-Catholic church heart acidic:)
    For me the odd thing is that the major thing that seperates Catholicism from let’s say Presbyterianism is transubstantiation. Most of us Irish Catholics born after 1960 or so do see it all as symbolic like our Protestant brethren. But my choice to attend a Protestant church here (because there was less hocus pocus and more emphasis on good works) was nearly the death of my parents.
    Our separation of politics from religion is still a work in progress I think among us Irish. all I keep thinking of is “slurping the soup” the Kilnaskully episode.
    Different note: Bock, did your Auntie on All Soul’s Day say prayers inside and outside the Church? Apparently everytime you visit a church on All Souls someone is released from purgatory. I remember as a child people hopping in and out the door about a hundred times saying the rosary as they went. Now there’s no purgatory right? So what was all that about?

  18. 20 years ago the Church wouldn’t allow alcoholic priests who were in recovery (AA) to use non-alcoholic wine for the Mass. And if I remember correctly, didn’t they have to say one Mass a day? How perverse is that? I don’t know the situation these days. But Jesus’s blood had to be alcoholic, apparently.

  19. BIG AND CLEVER: Making fun of religion.

    NOT AT ALL LIKE: Shooting fish in a barrel.

    There’s still about 90% of the world who believe in religion though so obviously the ridiculousness of it all hasn’t permeated society enough.

  20. I welcome religiosity in all its forms. There’s nought wrong with hedging your bets, keeping everybody (Jesus, Allah, Buddah, Vishnu, Tom Cruise) sweet to maximise your chances of skulking into an afterlife.

    Then again, in the words of Freddie Mercury, who wants to live forever? (apparently not Freddie, for starters).

  21. @Irishbegrudger

    I think there’re a number of fundamental problems with that.

    I think that whatever gods are out there (hah!) would be more angry at you for worshipping the /wrong/ god than for not being sure of any gods’ existence.

    in the case where you are worshipping a single god, there is a 1 in (number of gods + 1) chance that you’re worshipping the wrong one. the +1 is because even if there is a god, there is no way to be certain which of the hundreds of religions got it right – there is a chance they’re all wrong, hence +1.

    in the case you worship more than 1 god, you are /certainly/ worshipping at least one false god and are doomed to an eternity of botty-prodding with a big hot fork.

    safer to go the atheist route…

  22. There are miracles and there are miracles. Jesus performed many during his time on this planet, changing water into wine still striking a cord with us Gaels, given our predisposition.

    However, his greatest miracle is not recorded in the bible. His greatest miracle – keeping the Irish out of the pubs on the day he was born and on the day he died – still strikes wonder into the heart of the faithful worldwide.

    Have we reflected on the fact that the only two days of the year when us Gaels cannot retreat to our traditional watering holes are set aside to commemorate the birth of, and the death of a Jew.

    Mohammed and Buddha might have some good points, while our Pagans and atheists set aside days to worship blue bottles eye lashes and rodents rectums. But can they convince the Irish to stay out of public houses? I doubt it.

    Fall on your knees and accept Jesus into your hearts those of you who are struggling with your faith. For any man that can close an Irish pub two days a year musy truly be the son of God.

  23. Kae
    That type of think leads to programming, and god does not approve of server side scripts.
    They are an abomination unto his eyes, as are the whorings of Flash.
    Only the faithful of the pure and true HTML shall be saved come the time of the Great Update.


  24. Abdul I will drink to that Sir. Slainte Currently starting on my first case of beer, NO you lot can not have any. There are mine all MINE and you don’t know where I live. The Wife is away thank Zeus. Odin, Thor, Bast, and all the God’s

  25. Gary, enjoy, never bought any myself……
    was never one for thinking strategically, spelling is gone to fuck also these days. Is there a God called Bast? Would he have anything to do with Bass, the favourite tipple
    of Bertie’s before it all went horribly wrong.

  26. does anyone know why in cathlic churches only the priest gets to drink the wine? do “ordinary people” only get it on special occasions or sumtink???

    and i always thought that the “bread” of biblical times was a hard flat affair made with lentils and spelt and dried by the sun – not a white wafer catholic style or indeed white sliced pan proddie style?

  27. I am afraid that SHE was a nasty piece of work , but had a good side

    Herodotus describes the ‘Festival of Bast’ where thousands of men and women travelled on boats, partying like crazy. They had music, singing, clapping and dancing. When they passed towns, the women would call out dirty jokes to the shore-bound, often flashing the townsfolk by lifting up their skirts over their heads! When they reached Bubastis, they made their sacrificies of various animals, and drank as much wine as they could stomach. No wonder it was such a popular festival!!

    However on the dark side. New born children were slid into a furnace in Her image. An early form of population control?

  28. Jesus, Gary, sounds like the goings on after a Tipperary versus Clare hurling match. Art, I think we can request wine – the blood of Christ to you heathens – if we desire. Don’t know, the last time I was in Gods house cracks started appearing on the floor and the priest started brandishing a crucifix at me and blessing himself repeatedly.

  29. “New born children were slid into a furnace in Her image.”

    All of them???

    I dunno what ye’re all talking about. I came in late and saw “botty prodding” and “Freddy Mercury” and I’m very confused.

  30. I refuse to accept that I will piss off some 2000 year old Jewish zombie if I have a quick wank while watching Cum For Cover 2.

  31. Nora check Bast cat Goddess , for botty prodding may I recommend Dante’s Inferno a tad depressing I admit but perhaps worth the read? Freddy Mercury as I understand was a Zoroastrian check this out as well if you choose. Or there again perhaps not. with respect it might be an idea to read a few posts? Not to worry I am away.

  32. And then there is the lurking potential for evil inside ourselves that you talked about last week, (which some were not ready to admit), and the guilt we face when we make insanely foolish mistakes, and there is a faith that addresses the need for forgiveness and moving on with some hope of a new day, …ideas which not much else in the world of ideas addresses. (ignore the stupid superstitions….they’ve been attached to Every kind of belief system through the length of time.)

  33. I regret to say that the whole notion of religion and the afterlife has, as I have gotten older, grown as diluted as the holy water at the church you went to when you were younger.

    There are a host of reasons for this and if you allow me, I would like to express them to you and your contributors.

    There is nothing to suggest that there is a God.

    I have many feelings and suggestions that could easily result in a thome so I will do my best and please bear with me if I seem to flitter but the fact is, I get so bloody annoyed with anything to do with religion that what I have to say comes to me so quickly there may be a sense of uncohesiveness amonst them.

    The bibles were written by men, not God or a God. They weren’t written by Jesus or the Messiah. The teachings of Jesus was interpreted by men and converted to form rules and thus rules to live by – a religion.
    The thoughts I am having here could be interpreted by others and those interpretations could be used to form a judgement of me and what I am about. Those interpretations and the resulting opinions may be so obscure that if I were in a line-up I may never be found.

    The catholic church is a supremely wealthy organisation and any organisation will do what it needs to do to remain in its present form.

    The Pope condemns the use of condoms even in Africa where AIDS is rife. How can this be condoned?

    The Magdalene Sisters.

    I ate a full Irish breakfast today and have just polished off my last can of Guinness. If this is blasphemy and a certain route to hell then I applaud God for his rigidness. The thousands of murders that happen every week in the world must be a triumph for him. My car being stolen. My parents house broken into, kids stabbing each other? My uncles house targetted and the falt screen tv, his only solace due to immobility, stolen by horrible bastards who watched him for weeks. Where was God there? why did he not allow a Garda to be inquisitve that noght and have a look into my Uncle’s front room as he drove past? Well you tell me.

    We need a new religion and it will be called cop on. Jesus said, as I am reminded by my girlfriend when I engage in talk of religion, love each other, do unto others as you would like to be treated yourself. This is the religion we should be aspiring to and not some fat maggots feeding from the poor and feeble of mind.

    Did anyone notice how quiet the clergy are in the western world these days? They are busy targeting Africa.

    Northern Ireland isn’t about religion, it’s about land. Just as religion is about land. “We want your land, we are going to fight you to get it and when we have beaten you, our church will set roots and demand money from you every week. BTW if you don’t go to church we will see you as some knid of fringe, someone to be wary of and we will suggest as much to our followers, if they hate you well we will forgive them for their sins”.

    The catholic church is a mish mash of other religions…

    I could go on forever but it is tiring me and no doubt it is tiring you.

    Catholic Church = fear, depravity, greed, omnipotence and general distane for the ordinary person.

  34. As a young Man, many years ago, I KNEW everything . No doubts ,no questions ,all that I knew was irrefutable fact. The opinions of others were rubbish of no consequence ,unimportance beyond credibility or belief . As I age I have come to the conclusion that I know nothing. With perhaps the exception that waking up in the morning is good and the first cup of tea is essential .

  35. Feck BOCK, what a dilemma! To have spent all this time living and not realised what’s going on. Baffling.

    I’ll explain. Born and raised a catholic like yourself. Did the alter boy shit with my brothers and even gave serious consideration to joining the bastards full time! What a fuck-up that would have been.

    All these years later I’m your typical lapsed catholic; country’s full of us apparently, but faith in Jesus I retain in spades. Absolutely.

    More to the point, I believe the Blessed Trinity is simply God the Father, God the Son and God the Mother.

    The catholic church will never admit to that but; the Bible tells us we (plural) are made in His image. The original text probably was Their image. Obviously censored since.

    The family is the image. That’s what’s here all around us. Life on earth is based on the family model which is what the Trinity is, only most people can’t see it. It’s too fucking simple.

    Think about it for two seconds. Shouldn’t take longer to see it.

    The catholic church’s insistence that it’s a mystery was probably the earliest use of ‘spin’ by a vested interest group and boy was it swallowed; hook, line, and sinker!

  36. Why the focus on the catholic church or holy water or bread changing? In “forgiveness” and “resurrection”, there has been hope and inspiration for people down through the centuries…a core not easily erased by all the superstitious trappings or by semi educated critics. The bathwater is different from the baby. It’s like the critics moves on Bock last week…he was not misogynistic. His accusers jumped on a soap box and didn’t read what he said. Read the center, not the periphery.

  37. At the risk of offending all. There again why not? The Message that the Man Jesus seem to have tried to put across was lost. When the Roman Empire took it on as acceptable , the fancy robes, incense etc. The idea of kicking over the Money lenders tables (Bankers?) was sanitised . No more of that sort of thing thank you. I know of a certain Church in Dublin that has as it’s high alter Caligula’s alter which he had made when he decided that he was Zeus.

  38. We need Lu Cifer here to challenge the white hats! I knew I recognised Abdul’s after shave. Sulphur.

  39. i’m still having a difficult time understanding how not going to good friday services and the stations of the cross isn’t a sin anymore, sugar. when did that happen? oh yeah, not to mention the fact that miss daisy wears trousers and not a dress to mass now! and what happened to wearing a hat or chapel veil? xoxxoo


  40. There is solace in religion. Someone waving away all your naughtiness with a half-dozen words and a sign of the cross. Promises of eternal happiness. But it’s all a con. A con for money, power and control. Death is flicking off the light switch.

    Religion was invented by primitive people who were afraid of death and worshipped the sun and the moon and the thunder, and tried to placate these “gods” with various sacrifices, whether it be for good weather, or good crops, or fertility in themselves.

    I stepped out of Catholicism at age 15. It felt a bit like stepping into a chasm. Insecure. I knew what I was leaving, I knew I didn’t want it anymore, but I had no idea where I was going. Now I know where I am, and I’m quite happy that my own conscience is my moral compass.

    I don’t need telling what’s right and wrong. My guts are only too aware when I’ve stepped out of line. As for forgiveness, what’s vital is forgiving oneself. That’s the really hard part. And you can’t get that from any priest.

  41. For anyone who really believes in transubstantiation, Catholicism is cannibalism.

    “James Yada Yada” said, “The catholic church is a mish mash of other religions…”

    Yep. There are/were about six (?) other religions where the god is ‘born of a virgin’.

  42. Funny is it not? After two thousand years or so ,we are all getting so animated? Just a thought.
    Morgor I try to read the posts myself . Just a suggestion. I doubt the Vatican would approve of any. I may very well be wrong.

  43. is jesus really the son of god? because i’m pretty sure the bible says a holy spirit did the deed with mary. this may explain the whole creation of the trinity to paper over any questions of jesus’s parentage.

  44. Ahh…”a drunken catholic” …makes me feel part of the crowd. I did not mention belief or non belief, but was suggesting the discussion here has little to do with Good Friday themes and everything to do with aberrant catholic superstitions which people seem steeped in and are thus reacting to. So steeped in this cultural overlay that the thought of forgiveness immediately seems to require a priest!

  45. “James Yada Yada” said, “The catholic church is a mish mash of other religions…”

    …..and Father Ted said ” That’s the great thing about Catholicism,it’s so vague that nobody really knows what it’s all about”…… I always thought that was one of the best lines in the series.

  46. Very Happy Easter everyone!

    Since Christianity hijacked the Spring Equinox

    I thought you might like this:

    “Spring equinox is a time for fertility … In medieval societies in Europe, the March hare was viewed as a major fertility symbol — this is a species of rabbit that is nocturnal most of the year, but in March when mating season begins, there are bunnies everywhere all day long. The female of the species is superfecund and can conceive a second litter while still pregnant with a first. As if that wasn’t enough, the males tend to get frustrated when rebuffed by their mates, and bounce around erratically when discouraged.”


  47. Nora I am of course open to correction on this point as indeed I am on everything. However I was of the opinion that male Hares fight one another for the attention of the Females. They become so obsessed that they may be approached and killed for the pot. The term “Gobshite” also refers to the March Hare as their excrement is in the form of pellets or gobs . There behaviour during mating season speaks for itself.

    Happy Easter.

  48. “The rabbit has a pretty face but his private life is a disgrace”, someone once wrote. Ah, if only we could go back to the Spring Equinox and worship discarded cider cans and the head gaskets off combine harvesters with the odd human sacrifice thrown in for effect.Those were the days, alas, alas.

  49. C’est,

    Thinking of Easter and Nails.

    You hit the nail on the head with that choice.

  50. Jehovah’s love this time of the year, they can’t get enough of it. Their not to fond of Haloween however as they have issues with people coming round knocking at their doors.

  51. Over here, in New Jersey, on August 15th, a bishop shows up and consecrates the entire Atlantic. It’s called the “Wedding of the Sea”, an Italian custom, but I’ve never been clear on the ‘wedding’ part.
    Anyway, after the blessing, all the little Catholics run thundering into the surf with buckets and jugs, and in the unfortunate event that anyone gets dragged under by the weight of their holy water containers and drowns, they are deemed washed clean of sin, and get to ride the Express Boat to heaven. No questions asked.
    As an island nation of Catholics, you should surely be able to get in on this.

  52. In my house Easter Sunday was always about fear. We were thought to dread the bug-eyed Easter bunny: a creature of such violence and malevolence that the devil himself cast it out of hell, tired as he was, of getting bitten on the arse every feeding time.

    “Do your homework or the Easter Bunny will eat your brains.” That was a common threat in our house. I only found out we were getting screwed out of chocolate eggs a decade later.

    My authoritarian parents evoked similar bastardisations of the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, both of whom I understood to have fangs and be chainsaw-wielding.

  53. Irish Begrudger-I feel your pain.There’s a huge rabbit in Donnie Darko too,and the fucker wasn’t delivering Easter eggs.
    Evil bastard that Easter Bunny.He cost me Forty Quid this year.

  54. The one about the natural history museum.
    A bullshit, made to fit, education. Much like my history class. When I think about the number of times I got in trouble for daring to pose a question on the almighty and infallable knowledge of Folens publishers.
    But sure Abbott, you know that as well as me ;)

  55. C’est,

    Here’s one for Easter. It’ll bring a tear to your eye.

    It makes me weep.

    Here is some one who believes in Christianity not Religion.

    He was assassinated.

    I have posted this in reply to a girl on a previous.

    So, I’ll say this. If Christ was Christ he was a Nigger and he didn’t need some cunt Romans making him into a biscuit.

  56. @abbot – creation link
    This would blow your mind. The scary thing is that it sounds so familiar.

    @abbot – King link
    The case for the prosecution rests. This also sounds so familiar and with such contemporary relevance.

    Make you wonder whether there is such a thing as human progress or just different coloured treadmills.

  57. On your post:

    Well stated sir. I, however, will refrain from further comment in order to sit and contemplate the fine turn of a phrase you employ in your description of the biggest leech in our somewhat dubious history.

    Well done, I say. Well done.

  58. I enjoy the shite you usually spout, but you’ve let us down this time by nicking the premise of this post.. I’ve read it before somewhere else. Hang your head Bock.

  59. Oh come on Mr B,
    Put yer hand up and save me from looking for the link and making you look silly.
    I do enjoy your ramblings, I visit you most days, just thought you could do better.

  60. Pants,

    “let us down this time by nicking the premise of this post”

    I’m a bit slow but how do you “nick” a premise.

    It is simply a proposition in a logical context. It begs a conclusion.

    In this case the conclusion was open to any commentator (including you). You choose not to offer a conclusion but attempt to undermine the proposition.


    From the time Constantine I established the Roman Catholic Church the proposition has been extant. How could you “nick” a proposition that old? Its common currency. Next you’ll accuse someone of being a grave robber.

  61. If Pants saw a post about transubstantiation, dandruff and the saline neutralisation of holy water, somebody stole it from me and I’ll be interested to know who.

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