In my three years of doing this thing, I’ve seen quite a few standard disparaging comments that have nothing to do with the topic of the post. They range from the feeble (this post is pathetic) to the downright threatening (I’ll fuckin kill you).
Sometimes I respond to them and sometimes I don’t, depending on my mood, but I’ve always thought there must be a better way to deal with them, because they tend to be pretty standard. So I was thinking, why not draw up a numbering system for insults and replies, and we could save a lot of time.
It might look something like this:
|Standard Disparaging Comment (SDC)||No|
|You fucking knuckle-dragger||1|
|I know what you meant when you said …||2|
|You’re a racist||3|
|You’re a sexist||4|
|This is disgusti||5|
|This post is pathetic||6|
|I bet you have no life||7|
|I bet you have no girlfriend||8|
|You have too much time on your hands||9|
|You think you’re smart||11|
|Get a job||12|
|You wouldn’t last five minutes in the media||13|
and so on and so on and so on.
And then I was thinking, what about some standard time-saving replies they might look thus:
|Standard Time-saving Reply (STR)||No|
|Can you read?||1|
|Where did you notice me saying that?||2|
|I’ll write more slowly for you in future||3|
|Are you twelve?||5|
|Come back when you’re sober||6|
|You must be reading a different post to me||7|
|You mustn’t have got the memo on that||8|
|I only let you comment here because of equality law||9|
|No. You made that up.||11|
|You earn the right to free speech here. Get to work.||12|
|Read the comments policy and behave yourself||13|
|You said nothing in that comment.||15|
If I can build up a comprehensive list of stupid comments and suitable replies, it will save a lot of time.
Next time somebody says Fuck you and your stupid little blog, I’ll reply SDC:27 & 31. STR:4
I’ll make it available to all. We can standardise the abuse exchange system if we work together on this. Maybe we can set up a steering committee with equal representation from bloggers and stupid commenters. Of course, the problem there is that some bloggers also like to leave stupid comments on other people’s sites. Hmm. Research required.
If we can work out the details, it could be a real time-saver.