Leinster Supporters Special Offer

I received this email today.  I don’t know who wrote it, but I thought I’d share it with you.

I wish I’d written this, but I didn’t.

Enjoy.

______________________________

Dear Leinster Supporter:

Can I bring to your attention a new service that is on offer to you to
co-incide with the Heineken Cup semi-final in Croke Park between Munster and Leinster on May 2 2009.

We understand that the lofty levels of the competition at this stage can be bewildering to Leinster supporters hoping to attend the match given their paucity of experience at this, the business end of the competition, compounding this is the fact that the match will be held in our great pantheon of the GAA, Croke Park, otherwise known as Headquarters by us, your provincial brethren from the non metropolitan parts of this great island of ours. We understand that crossing that gaping physical and metaphysical divide of your Metropolis known as the Liffey is an epic journey from the leafy suburbs that you are more familiar with.

We can empathise with you. We can hope that you can learn from our great odyssey to secure our holy grail.  In the spirit of the great grand slam and in preparation for our unity behind the Green Lions Tour we can help you.

*** Hire a Munster Buddy for the day!! ***

Our Munster supporter will meet with you at a prearranged venue on the Southside of the Liffey of your choice.

He will advise you on the best departure times and pitstop venues between your rendezvous point and Headquarters that will ensure that you make your seat between the end of the minor match and before the kickoff. ( Have no fear that your Buddy will be better acquainted with this part of the city than he is of the back of his hand.) Note: How well can you see the back of your hand when drinking pints)

He will ensure safe passage to (and possibly from, depending on result) the Stadium.

He will cover the costs of all the drink you can consume between rendezvous time and kick off (Our volunteers have been informed to expect that this will involve a maximum of 4 pints. At this point you will probably collapse and your buddy has been instructed to carry you to your seat)

Your Buddy can regale you with stories of our epic campaigns in 2006 and 2008, revisit the debate on Cardiff roof open roof closed and outline the treatment we had envisaged for Paddy Wallace had Stephen Jones’s kick gone over or outline the finer details of what is required of a Lions Captain. A huge menu of subjects many of which have nothing to do with rugby are available for discussion which your buddy will have an opinion on. (Warning:  these opinions are unlikely to be informed or based on any established fact and may not bear any relevance to reality)

Your Buddy will make the ultimate sacrifice and not wear red at the match to conform to the daft e-mail circulated by your Provincial Branch. ( However the Buddy is not obligated to remain silent or refrain from abusing the referee, any officials other Leinster supports, RTE, Leicester, random punters they encounter at any stage during the day or singing songs from provinces that are still playing Rugby with round balls during training)

This premium service can be secured at a value for money recession price of a SPARE TICKET. This unique offer will enable you to gain maximum value from your Buddy by choosing to have them seated beside you throughout the game or for as long as you are still attending.

Don’t miss this incredible offer. When is the next time you will be in a
semi-final!!

Contact the Leinster Munster Buddy Service by return e-mail if you wish to avail of this offer.

*** Early bird bonus ***

For any Leinster supporters who avail of this service there is a winners
bonus. In the unlikely and unforeseeable event of Leinster winning the
Semi-final, your Munster Buddy will have available to purchase at face value a ticket to the Heineken final in Edinburgh on May 23 2009. In fact many will be able to offer you full travel packages at rock bottom prices and will be able to source at least 20 other tickets should you wish to bring your fellow Leinster supporters to Murrayfield.

But lets not contemplate that horror story

7 thoughts on “Leinster Supporters Special Offer

  1. We should make a concentrated effort to call this tournament what it is, the European Cup, not the Heineken Cup. Heineken are the sponsors that is all. We have a contradiction here. If Paul O’Connell was to show up on match day, rat faced from Heineken and tried to explain to the coach that he was merely endorsing the sponsors product, would he make the first team. No. He would be dropped and fined because consuming alcohol is not compatible with professional sport. Likewise with Guinness and hurling – and hurling’s vastly inferior first cousin, bog ball -. Incidently, The European Cup is referred to as the H-Cup in France because of restrictions on alcohol advertising. After Munster retain the trophy in Edinburgh on May 23 European rugby chiefs should inform the sponsors that while they are delighted with their present arrangement that the tournament is called the European Cup.

  2. Abdul how long would the sponsorship last if the tournament is not advertising their product??

  3. King’s Bard, – I don’t think that the European Cup needs to go cap in hand to the sponsors anymore. Given it’s popularity – tv figures and sell out gates, plus spin offs in video sales, replica shorts etc etc – the rugby people should be dictating the terms. By all means give the sponsors exposure – but not on the trophy itself.

  4. “In fact many will be able to offer you full travel packages at rock bottom prices and will be able to source at least 20 other tickets should you wish to bring your fellow Leinster supporters to Murrayfield.”

    Thanks, I’m looking forward to it! Just let me know where to apply.

  5. I’ll be your buddy.

    Fuck it, if we’re going to hand it out, we have to take it.

    Best of luck. The last thing we want is fucking Leicester winning.

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