Apr 042009
 

None of the following forms of humour are approved by the Central Committee for Deciding What is Funny.  You will not make jokes about any of these subjects without first obtaining clearance from the PC Police.

Islam.  You can’t laugh at Islam or somebody will threaten to kill you.  Oops, I’m a dead man: Imagine being a dead Muslim.

Black people.  Unless you’re a black person yourself, in which case you can not only joke about black people, but you can even call them niggers and nobody minds: Chris Rock – Black People.

Mother Teresa.  The living saint, who is now dead, was a thieving old hypocrite, but you can’t say that either.  Oops again: Mother Teresa, the crook

Feminism.  It’s just not funny.  You will not laugh at the feminism.  You will not!! This is not permitted.  You will not inflict your patriarchal sense of oppressive entitlement on the sisterhood.  Understood?  Am I In Trouble With The Metaphor Police?

The Pope.  Jokes about the spiritual leader of Catholicism are in bad taste and will not be tolerated. Das Papahund

Tinkers. These ancient indigenous people of Ireland have a rich and noble tradition of burning PVC cable insulation, holding bareknuckle fights for money and having huge brawls with slash-hooks.  You must never, ever slag the travelling community, who are never, ever, ever wrong.  It’s not only a crime, but a sin.  Oops: Christmas Toys

Princess Diana (well, Mother Teresa again, actually).  Di and Dodi Done Down in Dastardly Deed

Catholicism.  Goddamit anyway.  Talk about asking for trouble.  Battlestar Catholactica

Jesus. Saint Bock’s Gospel

Vegans. Vegans, Jehovah Witnesses, Transubstantiation and Other Lunatic beliefs

Murder victims. Manson Family Murders

Padre Pio.  Piss this guy off and he’ll surround you. Padre Pio The Silicon Saint

Naming Cities.  We mustn’t use our names for foreign cities. Instead, we must use the same names as the locals.  Placenames and the Thought Police

Prophets.  I’ve probably pissed off Jews, Christians and Muslims with this one: Sorry, Moses?

Saints.  Mind you, this guy deserves it: Saint Paul’s Letters

So just be careful now, that you don’t go around offending someone, somewhere,some time, or you’ll have the PC Police after you like a speeding ton of bricks up a drainpipe.

There are a few more sacred cows I haven’t had a go at yet.  Israel is one, and of course there’s always the real sacred cows, which are also sacred cows, I suppose.

  26 Responses to “Things You’re Not Allowed To Joke About”

Comments (26)
  1.  

    Islam is one of the world’s fastest growing religions so it might not be good to insult so many people, it is popular in the Middle East and a report recently stated that it has been exploding (literally) across the west mainly in the UK and America.

    Feminism is fine as a hobby but it will never get you a husband.

    I draw the line at blacks, though, they should be out of limits. Racism is against the law and only black people break the law.

    Tinkers, Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, vegans, murder victims and Padre Pio are all good material but leave Jesus alone, especially at this time of year, that was a terrible way to spend Easter.

  2.  

    to my mind, sugar, there is only one response to the pc police:

    fuck you and the fucking horse you rode in on!

    now, in saying that, i want to be very clear in my meaning. polite discourse and sensitivity to others has been usurped by an acceptance of censorship of speech and a total lack of critical thinking. why have we lost the ability to analyze, discuss and share opinions and thoughts? why has it become impossible to agree to disagree? conversation, people, is an art that requires listening and thought. humor is subjective, i know, but, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, what’s left? *sigh*

  3.  

    Not using the word “nigger” is not a PC issue. It is despicable. I have been in the company of people who use it at home and in the USA. It makes my skin crawl. Rock is very funny but that does not make it ok. Racism is the greatest aberration of mankind. “Nigger” is more than just a word.

  4.  

    Indeed. And yet, so many black people use it. What’s that about?

  5.  

    Self hatred maybe. Dont know!

  6.  

    Do Chris Rock and Samuel Jackson suffer from self hatred? What about Dave Chapelle?

  7.  

    john wayne is spot on~ the “n” word is way more than a word. its’ origin goes back to late 1700’s, w/early african slave trade, when n/american anglo slave traders coined it, and passed it on to slave owners, etc.. in the u.s., when an african american uses the “n” word to another african american, it is most often in jest and is acceptable amongst close friends. however, under no condition is the “n” word acceptable if used by an anglo to another anglo or to an american of african descent. reason is: this word came from old anglo “slang” and was meant to describe anglo acceptance of the despicable treatment of african people who were brought to these shores against their will, sold as slaves, then subjected to generations of unspeakable physical and mental abuse. when an anglo uses this word, they are saying they agree with the (original) meaning. when an african american uses this word, they are “calling the word back home” thus claiming it as “their own word” and deflating its power. when an anglo uses the “n” word, they are instantly “typecasting” themselves to be the ignorant, white trash assholes that they are, regardless of their “social standing.” chris rock is “goofing on” the word, for his stage act, and he has inherited the right to do this.

  8.  

    If it’s that serious, wouldn’t it be better to let the word fall into disuse?

    By the way, what’s an anglo? Would an Irish person be anglo?

  9.  

    Nigger is a word that any black man can say with no fear because for a black man it has many meanings. I do remember a comedy sketch from way back saying that the difference between a black man and a nigger was that a man takes care of his family a nigger boasts about it.
    That can apply to any nigga.
    As for Islam, fuck them I have muslim mates and they are fucked up. Islam in the USA is a nonsense compared with Islam in Pakistan. A bunch of idiots preaching about Islam being the saving grace for the black man when in fact it was the muslim arabs that were the original slave traders for the cotton feilds.
    Pakistan is a very different scenario they are a bunch of men that have outlived their usefulness in the sack and project their lack of libido on the female of the species.
    Once again FUCK THEM

  10.  

    It was Eddie Rock who said that in the linked Youtube sketch. That’s why I mentioned it.

  11.  

    Chris Rock! ok still, fuck muslim intolerance and maeve, seriously N0

  12.  

    yes, bock~ it would be far better to let the word fall into disuse, and perhaps one day it will, when the word plays out its “power to
    deeply offend.”

    when a yank (u.s. citizen) says “anglo” we are usually referring to white people of european descent. “anglo” is just a description and has no “charge” to it.
    when you ask me if an irish person would be an anglo~ i need to tell you first off~ i’ve never traveled to europe, so i’m not certain if there are black irish and white irish or just white irish. i plead real ignorance to this question and would love some education from the other side of the pond on what it means (ethnically) to be an irish person.

  13.  

    I think a lot of Irish people would object to being called Anglo. It’s a historical thing. The Irish experience of colonisation by England was not a happy one. Ironically, when you say that Anglo is just a description that has no charge to it, many Irish peple would disagree and might reply that in the same way as you think Anglo has no hidden significance, “nigger” is simply a variant of “negro”, meaning black. It’s worth comparing the two situations. I don’t mean to imply that Anglo is a term of abuse, but I also don’t think too many irish people would like to be characterised as being of English origin, which is what the word means.

  14.  

    am really lacking education on matters of heritage! was born in orphanage (1942) when
    birth parent records were permanantly sealed by court systems in u.s., so i’ve never known my own biological origins, but this is NO excuse for not being aware that anglo carries negative weight with the citizens of ireland and for this i sincerely apologise, and with gratitude for big lesson here!
    when u.s. citizen’s family has lived here 3+
    generations their heritage is often of many different nationalities, so anglo is often also used here to describe an immigrant american who is white.
    it is interesting for me to know that the “n”
    word can be used in ireland without offense,
    because ireland carries no history behind the word, but in u.s., when any white person uses the “n” word they are instantly typecasting themselves as bigoted racists. when white person calls black person “n” and there are witnesses, they can be arrested for it. i’m certain the people of ireland would understand why, with the history we have in this country for enslaving, persicuting, tormenting and degrading generations of african americans.

    am still wondering if there are black irish and white irish?

    the one thing none of us has a whit of choice over, is the country where we are born, and yet instead of being fascinated by the wealth of differences in every culture on the planet, our “alligence” to our own country seems to pre-empt our same devoted respect for another geographical location. this is worth

  15.  

    There is certainly racism in Ireland, and increasingly a diversity of racial origins. However I think it’s dangerous to be afraid of a word, and jailing someone for using a word makes little sense to me. After all, what matters is the intention behind the word.

  16.  

    Allah willing, we will impose public morality on you infidels.

    Praise be to Muhammed – and smokin Joe Frazier – and her brother for holding her down).

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7984958.stm

  17.  

    I find the tone of that BBC report to be Islamaphobic, Eurocentric and, eh, lets see what else, oh yeah, racist too.

  18.  

    bock~ no one in u.s. goes to jail for using a word, but can be arrested for using certain words in public.
    in the last year, probably 2 are arrested and ticketed for using the “n” word. i don’t think it’s a question of being “afraid of a word” here, but of having enough human decency to pass the word up, and just not use it.

    until we are able to openly discuss the racial disparity here in the u.s., and for openers by
    the simple act of white americans
    offering up an apology for 200+ years of blatent mis-treatment of one human being to another, until then, the word will still carry fire.
    and also, until then no healing can begin…
    believe me, the “n” word is but a tiny tip of a very large berg.

  19.  

    Yes. That’s what I was saying. Words are only symptoms of what lies beneath.

  20.  

    A person can be politically correct and racially sensitive and still get in trouble with the law. Ireland, like most other Western countries, has now reached the point where Caucasians have to tip-toe around most minorities. I’m using the term “Caucasian” as a synonym for “white” to avoid being politically incorrect or racist.

    An Irish friend of mine was falsely accused of a racial slur against a person of a minority group. What started out as a mere argument between two people was tuned into a racial accusation. Thankfully, friends and other witnesses confirmed that the confrontation was not at all racially motivated and that no racial insults were exchanged. My friend was distressed of being branded a racist until cleared by the police of this fabricated, yet serious allegation.

    Moral of the story: Make sure potential witnesses are around while engaging in conversations and/or arguments with members of minority groups. Ironically, this racist slur allegation would have been unfounded considering the use of words and had the quarrel been with just another “Caucasian” Irish person.

  21.  

    What minority group was that?

  22.  

    I’ve been involved in an incident similar to what eirejew has described.

    I am a member of a certain society in a certain third level institution. In it, we like to stage debates. In our many speeches about Barack Obama in recent times, he was often referred to as being ‘black’. One member saw this term as being offensive and sought to ban it’s use by the society. This girl believes ‘African’ or ‘African-American’ is the correct nomenclature. I tried to tell her that even Martin Luther King used the word ‘negro’. It caused a huge ruckus, and now everybody has to tip-toe carefully when talking about a coloured human being. This girl even complained to some professors, despite the fact that the society is a student-driven one and prides itself on it’s independence. She refuses to listen to reason – that the word was never used in an ofensive manner and it happens to be used by the Harvard Law Review, Yale Law Review, etc.

    The person in question is just one of those people who sees racism everywhere and wants to blame it for all her problems, and was probably looking for attention.

  23.  

    thesystem,

    Two certainties in one sentence.

    You are a very certain woman.

    Obama is not black, he’s just strangely brown.

    Your girlfriends need to get over it, and see the man for what he is.

    “….ban it’s use by the society….”

    You need to find yourself another society.

    “This girl believes ‘African’ or ‘African-American’ is the correct nomenclature”

    I’d recommend that you don’t join a society that uses words like “nomenclature”, its bad for your health.

    Here’s a little bit of Martin Luther King you might want to share with your current girlfriends (the humans you socialise with).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b80Bsw0UG-U&feature=player_embedded

    Let me know what your girlfriends think.

    Oh, bye the bye Martin Luther King was a black man.

    If your girlfriends think he was white maybe they’re colour blind.

  24.  

    thesystem,

    I forgot to mention.

    Martin Luther King was one hell of a nigger.

    Just a pity we don’t have one hell of a nigger like that in Ireland.

  25.  

    Maybe I’m just not 100% accustomed to Ionian humour yet, but I really don’t understand a lot of what you just said.

  26.  

    Neither do I.

    I was away for a couple of days and I didn’t get a chance to reply to this comment.

    Abbot, given that the word “nigger” doesn’t just offend people, which is permitted on this site, but actually hurts many, what point exactly are you trying to make?

    I have no problem with people using any word here, and I’m certainly not going to censor what you have said, but this discussion is far from over, and it seems to me that you are attempting to pre-empt the outcome.

    You are well aware that a debate is going on here regarding when and where the word nigger is acceptable. Why are you using this word on this site outside a discussion on its acceptable uses?

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