It’s nice to get into town early on Saturday morning and have a quiet read of the paper with nobody around to annoy you, especially with all the news we have to put up with these days. You want somewhere quiet to fume and curse without frightening old ladies or strangling decrepit Christian Brothers.
Something like this, I had in mind, as I wandered past the gentle tones of not one, but two violinists.
Lovely, I thought. But what the fuck is this?
A boa constrictor. The very thing you might bring for a walk on a Saturday morning, and the kids seem to like it.
I like it myself, in a creepy, disturbed kind of way, and so do the other adults, it seems.
But enough is enough. I’d better tell this fella that his home town got promoted to the Championship. Did you know that his Dad used to be the Scunthorpe United team doctor?