May 162009
 

Ned O’Keeffe and his band of shuffling lickspittles were doing the rounds this morning, pressing the flesh and forcing themselves on law-abiding people. They even had the gall to invade my morning sanctuary, Nancy Blake’s, as I tried to read my paper in peace.

Ned, as you might be aware, is a bumbling waffler who represents Cork East in the Dáil. Now he’s running for the European Parliament as an official National Embarrassment. He’s a gobshite of the first rank who hasn’t two straight ideas to rub together. A cunning, self-interested pig farmer without principle or insight.

Why would we send such gobshites to Europe to represent us?

Have we nothing better than this shambling goon to send out there? What must people think of us when we put forward zombie politicians who can barely speak any language at all, and who know nothing about anything except how to pull strokes for their cronies.

Is it any wonder they look at Ireland askance when the best we can do is to send fools like Ned O’Keeffe to fly the flag in Brussels?

As Ned left the pub, he offered me a leaflet. I was so relieved to see him going that I forgot my manners and didn’t attack him with a full broadside of insults and accusations. The best I could manage was a quiet fuck off and shove your fucking leaflet you fucking crook.

For this, I am truly ashamed and apologise you. I’ll do better next time.

However, if I had my wits about me, I might have asked him my standard list of questions, the things I throw at ever Fianna Fáil person I meet.

I should have asked him the following questions.

– Since the public finances are so dire, could you please tell me the value of the gas in the Corrib Field?

Answer: €14 billion.

– Could you please tell me how much of that money goes back to the government from Shell E&P, the exploration company extracting the gas?

Answer: Nothing.

– How much was paid in bribes to secure this deal?

Answer: Peanuts for monkeys.

– Would you mind telling me how much money in compensation has been paid out as a result of sexual abuse by the clergy?

Answer: €1.2 billion

– Would you now tell me how much of that cost has been paid by the Catholic church?

Answer: Nothing.

– How much of that money has been paid by the taxpayer?

Answer: All of it.

– Who negotiated this deal for the clergy?

Answer: One of Bertie Ahern’s former employers, Sr Helena O’Donoghue.

– Why is our national broadband so bad?

Answer: Because Fianna Fáil gave our communications infrastructure to asset strippers.

– Why is the Fianna Fáil government adding €70 billion to the national debt to bail out the bankers?

Answer: Because the bankers own the property developers and the property developers own Fianna Fáil.

– Why did your government decide to put the national children’s hospital in the most inaccessible and cramped location, at the Mater hospital in North inner-city Dublin, even though they were offered a free greenfield site near the junction of two major motorways?

Answer: Because the Mater hospital belongs to Bertie Ahern’s former employers, the Mercy order of Nuns.

– Why did your party give tax breaks to property developers to build ghost housing estates all over the country at a time when the economy was already booming?

Answer: Because the builders bribed them to do it.

– When are you going to challenge the vested interests in medicine and the legal professions that have this country in a stranglehold of restrictive practices?

Answer: Never.

– Why did Bertie Ahern call us Luddites when we questioned the reliability of his stupid e-voting machines?

Answer: Because Fianna Fáil has no respect for democracy.

– How much did those machines cost?

Answer: €52 million.

– What would €52 million pay for?

Answer: 52 schools. A top-class cystic fibrosis unit. Special needs assistants for all children in need of them.

– What progress has your government made in developing wind power and wave power in ireland?

Answer: None.

And finally, Ned, a simple one.

– What is the internet?

__________________

Also on Bock: Torturing Fianna Fáil Canvassers

  29 Responses to “Questions For Fianna Fáil Election Candidates”

Comments (29)
  1.  

    I thought it was a couple of trillion worth of gas off the Mayo coast. 14 billion seems a lot smaller than i thought

  2.  

    That’s what the current field is valued at to the best of my knowledge. 13 or 14 billion.

    A billion here, a billion there. Before you know it, you’re talking real money.

  3.  

    I recently ruined a very happy family gathering because a close relation praised FF. I was ashamed of myself. However my anger at these bastards knows no limits. I honestly believe this country is finished.

  4.  

    As ever BOCK; spot on.

  5.  

    Good pub, did they not have the courtyard covered ages before the ban

  6.  

    It should be pointed out that not one Fianna Fail politician can come up with a believable reason why you would need a very powerful microscope to be able to see the FF logo on their posters.

    Michael Martin was asked about it on The Last word during the week and made some shit up about it being “a design issue” Pathetic..

    Are they ashamed to be in the party altogether?

  7.  

    was in the crescent shopping centre the other day, and saw some FF politicians canvassing…they were handing out flyers to people as they walked past…a well dressed woman was coming towards them, and the politican tried to give her a flyer..she told him ” You must be fucking joking” and kept walking…

  8.  

    i savaged them when they were in my area,best response was oh this is a global recession,i said jesus h christ the rest of the world must hate fianna fail too for fucking up their economies as well as our own,im nearly certain i was called a smart bollix as they went out my gate,it made my day.

  9.  

    Merci Bock!!, now all I have to do is print out that questionnaire and, for once, actually look forward to one of those fucks calling to my door.

  10.  

    Bock, you made my day which is already good even better. I have being researching Irelands oil and gas reserves and am amazed how little I know untill I realised that many Irish know less. The Nowegians know more and with every reason. Their National Oil Fund contains billions from Ireland and more is on its way. I noticed that Ireland is on the list for discussion to be held at “Bergen Oil Days” soon, along side Russia ( The Artic Prospects). Corrib is but one block and there are many within Irish Terrortorial Waters. Then there is The Atlantic Margin and the wealth there is to great to be allowed to fall into the hands of the Irish. Finaly there is The Rockall Basin and you loose your breath at the potential wealth there. I do not have figures as to the potential wealth in Irish waters which requires more dilligint research but you guys are sitting on a sea of gas and oil. That was a description by a Norwegian oil journalist writing for “Offshore” based in Norway. By the way I told my boss what I thought of him and boy does that feel good.

  11.  

    By the way Bock how come you Irish loose you vote in general elections when you emigrate?. I see that 130000 young people have emigrated since 2008 and would like to know if this is true. If true then it is to the advantage of people like that gobhite you met at Nancys ( is it a pub?). Here people living abroad have the right to “Poströsta” regardless where they live. Now these young people leaving are hardly voting for the same party who sent them off.

  12.  

    Not only that Charles but if they stay gone over two years they are almost non citizens when they return,not entitled to social welfare or anything.

  13.  

    William, Things that can not keep going usually do not. It is clear that political reform root and branch is vital . I have no idea how this will happen. I was in Tunisia recently and what struck me was a sense of hopelesness and despair. Ben Alis portrait hung in every shop and building. A taxi driver told me that there were too many guns and not eneough brains in the country. “They will make a misstake one day”.

  14.  

    William, should not the question of voting rights for the Irish diaspora be taken up in public arena?. As far as I know most if not all western countries allow there foreign based citizens that right. Certainly that is the case in Scandinavien countries and at election time we wait for their votes to be counted and it it first then the election is concluded. Certainly a democratic reform that is needed.

  15.  

    Charles O’Rourke January 18th, 2011 4:29 pm
    By the way Bock how come you Irish loose you vote in general elections when you emigrate?.

    Charles, not only that, but many citizens returning to the state are also denied a vote. The Register of Electors is published in November each year. To be eligible for inclusion in the register, you have to be ordinarily resident in the state on 1 September of the year before.

  16.  

    Well it should be Charles but one cannot really compare Ireland to the rest of Europe (sadly).Ireland only wants to be part of Europe when there is money being handed out.Otherwise its only lip service to European ideals.I dont hold out much hope for any long term change here,the only way you could incite a revolution here is if our leaders started talking with English accents.Anyhow regarding the election,one way or the other its only the front men that will change around,a real other source of the mess the top civil servants will not be affected.So in reality expect only superficial changes.

  17.  

    Why should emigrants have a vote at home? They no longer live in their country of birth for various reasons and are removed from the day to day trivia of living here. Charles mentions 130,000 people. Imagine if all that 130k elected for Biffo at the next GE and FF kept power, how enlightened would that be? Of more importance is our interpretation of citizenship. As a country we will gladly give passports to the 2nd / 3rd generation diaspora most of whom have no intention of ever living here, or contributing here. On the other hand parents of children born here have been rounded up and expelled from the country of a hundred thousand welcomes because their applications fail. They fail after years of waiting for an inept public service to reach a decision. Years in which they have had Irish children and are making a contribution to our country and culture. I do not intend that Ireland be a dumping ground for the worlds assylum seekers but I do advocate a fairer, more efficient system. I would rather my fellow citizens were making our society a better place to live in rather than have a pssport issued because Granpaw left a tigín a 100 years ago. I speak as a returned emigrant who had no vote here in Ireland when abroad and now has no vote in the country where I paid years of taxes. And rightly so.

  18.  

    Peter Power called to my door the other evening. My 13 year old answered. Power asked him if there was anything he could do for him. Power thought my son was the owner. If that is the level of cop on in the FF candidates then I can see a long time in the wings.

  19.  

    I disagree No. 8

    Take the current wave of people forced (by economic conditions) to leave the country, for instance. They will be disenfranchised and unable to have any input to the democratic process here, just as those who were forced to emigrate in the 1980s.

    Interesting reading here: http://www.idea.int/publications/voting_from_abroad/index.cfm

    For those seeking instant gratification, here’s a world map showing which countries allow ex-pats to vote. Note that Ireland is shown in yellow, which is not accurate. We should be shown in light beige – just take alook at the company we keep.

    http://www.idea.int/publications/voting_from_abroad/upload/Map_Voting_from_abroad_72dpi.pdf

  20.  

    “Take the current wave of people forced (by economic conditions) to leave the country, for instance. They will be disenfranchised and unable to have any input to the democratic process here, just as those who were forced to emigrate in the 1980s.”

    That’s exactly my point. People have chosen to leave, sometimes they feel that they have no choice, but they leave none the less. Why should they have a right to vote when living abroad? The right to vote is a privilage, a privilage that should be reserved for the qualified residents of a country. What if you are a citizen of several countries, through birth, parents and grandparents, should you have a vote in all the countries that you area citizen?

  21.  

    Indeed it’s a privilege to be an Irish voter. However, it’s a privilege conferred by citizenship, and artificially limited (for emigrants) by legislation. Most countries hold a far more enlightened view on this topic. Meanwhile, we find ourselves in the august company of Zimbabwe, beacon of democracy that it is.

  22.  

    Unfortunately every club has rules, and with privilage comes responsibility. You compare us to Zimbabwe yet in the same colour code are the UK, Australia and the worlds biggest democracy, India. Would you rather we were bracketed with the USA who are to gun control what Herrod was to child care?

  23.  

    No. 8

    I direct you to the (free) e-book that I linked earlier.

    The UK places a 15 year limit on ex-pat voting, Australia 6. India is in the same bracket as us (and Zimbabwe) – voting by non-resident citizens is only offered to certain state employees stationed abroad (diplomatic services and the military).

    I think that the US system is particularly enlightened.

    What does gun control have to do with electoral reform/procedures??

  24.  

    I know that unless you are a citizen of the U.S for example you are not entitled to vote in most elections. You are also not entitled to vote back home. That doesn’t seem fair to me.

    Unfortunately every club has rules. ha. Ireland being a beacon to the world in that regard.

  25.  

    Here’s an interesting view on the issue from Noreen Bowden, a US citizen born to Irish immigrants, and now living in Ireland.

    http://www.ean.ie/issues/emigrant-voting/

  26.  

    “What does gun control have to do with electoral reform/procedures??”

    A lot. Disgruntled voters get a chance to shoot their politicians with legally held fire arms, see last week in Arizona. The second amendment is a seriously outdated piece of legislation which is beyond mature debate and hence reform in the US.

    I did look at the (free) w book that you attached. Unfortuneately being colour blind maybe I mis read the colour key. My wife is a UK citizen and has never heard of a right to vote for expats regardless of limitations. Where could she learn more?

  27.  

    No. 8

    For your wife: http://www.aboutmyvote.co.uk/register_to_vote/british_citizens_living_abroad.aspx

    Since you bring that up, how about this little perversity? Your wife can vote here in all elections (with the exception of presidential elections). She is not, however, allowed a vote at referenda. She still retains her full democratic rights to vote in the UK as if she were resident.

    Let’s say for the purpose of discussion that you have a sister, and that she is living in the UK. She is granted full voting rights in that jurisdiction, but denied her voting rights in the country of her citizenship, Ireland.

    With respect, your argument about recent events in Arizona are spurious.

  28.  

    With respect they are not. Electoral reorm of the second amendment is nigh impossible and political suicide. Access to fire arms has been the cause of mutiple killings in the US on numerous occasions, as you know. How are these killings and the Arizona killings spurious? You make a comparison between Ireland and Zimbabwe on the grounds that both countries do not afford voting by expats. Spurious comparison, no?

    I was aware of Irish citizens voting rights in the UK, but not the UK rights for expats. Thanks.

    BTW my wife has received a polling card and has voted in every election in Ireland including Presedential.

    PS Just saw this http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2011/0118/breaking74.html

  29.  

    If your wife has voted in presidential elections (assuming that she has not taken up Irish citizenship) then that’s technically an abuse of the electoral system AIUI. Possibly an administrative error?

    I think you and I may have a different understanding of the term “electoral reform”.

    The gun control debate is far too emotive for my taste. Logical, pragmatic views appear to be unwelcome by the “ban all guns” zealots. I decided to keep my own counsel on that topic.

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