The Carpenters
May 25th, 2009 | By Bock | Category: Bock rant, MusicI’m watching a TV programme about the Carpenters and I’m surprised at my reaction.
The Carpenters, for me, were always the Anti-Music. The blandest, vilest, most boring wallpaper you could possibly listen to.
And they were.
The Carpenters were shit. The Carpenters were the sort of musicians that appealed to bishops and accountants, even though Richard was whacked out of his head on Quaaludes most of the time, but maybe bishops are usually smashed as well.
But paradoxically, at the same time, I can also say that Richard Carpenter is a fine musician and I can say that Karen Carpenter had a wonderful voice. That was never the problem. It’s what they did with those gifts that pissed me off. They entertained a slice of society that I absolutely did not want to belong to. The cardigan people. The Smuggorati.
Yuck.
And yet, here I am, listening to Richard Carpenter talking about the bullshit they had to endure from agents and promoters, and about his sister’s anorexia, and I find myself liking him. I find myself believing that he’s a genuine guy, even if he did happen to produce some of the worst schmaltzy, anodyne pap the music world ever had to endure.
On a personal level he seems like an honest and decent man. His detestation is palpable, for the phoneys he met during his career, and the bullshitter doctor who claimed he could cure Karen of her ultimately fatal disorder. He isn’t the kind of guy I’d go for a drink with, but he’s not the empty-headed drone I thought he was.
Now, this isn’t to say that I’ve suddenly become converted to the Carpenters. Jesus Christ, no. The Carpenters epitomised the very worst of popular culture. They were the shallowest, smuggest, most unthinking purveyors of ersatz dross you could imagine. They were the sort of people who would have gone down well at a Fianna Fáil convention with leathery old women who should have been shot to make handbags and smelly unwashed old men with red noses and stripy suits, all dancing embarrassingly.
Christ Almighty.
Bock, you’re way too harsh on their music. Was it the shalalalas or the woouwooos that pissed you off? I actually think their music was one of the best schmaltzy music, surely not the worse.
Just look at the number of comments here compared to the comments on the Eurovision post. Perhaps you should have suggested Richard was gay.
The were a sort of middle of the road b(l)and, pity they weren’t in the middle of the Ennis Road -during fucking rush hour.
If you can cut through the awful bland syrupy arrangements Karen’s voice was amazing. Unique really. I don’t possess any of there albums but occasionly when you here it on radio, in a shop or whatever it stands out as special.
Karen Carpenter singing Desperado. two wrongs make a right.
I have to admit it,… Its been gnawing away at me for years,…..I had The Carpenters greatest hits album in my collection! There!, I’ve said it!.. I feel better!
Mind you, I had it nicely hidden at the back of the shelf behind Zappa, Neil Young, Bowie, etc, and it was only taken out and given a spin after dark when I was sure everyone was asleep.
I liked them a lot back in the 70’s. Close to you… Too perfect harmonies. Squeaky goody-goody. Where’s Richard now? Not that I care so much.
Anorexia is scary stuff – see some YT videos about it. The women don’t think they’re thin – they think they should be even THINNER!
Don’t mean to use this for chatting, but – Ofer – see my comment #118 at Israeli Settlements (which is about to be closed).
Horrible fucking band. But they weren’t as bad as ABBA…
ABBA? Perfect pop!
What are you saying?
No, most of the bands they influenced today are godawful boy bands and girl groups.
i know this comment is a bit late in the day but, if what you saw was the BBC 4 carpenters night special some months ago you will remember Richards vaudeville[ almost Jimmy Durantyesque] turn of Close To You.. wonderfull… Also,there london [ palladium, i think ] gig was televised the same night, if you can beg, steal or borrow a copy then i sugest you do.. it will entertain and impress in equal measure…