The New Breed of Fianna Fáil Canvasser

Following on from the Chief’s post about terrorising canvassers, has anyone actually managed to do it?

English Pat was telling me during the week about his efforts to harass some.

I want to have it out with them, he said.

I knew what that meant.  They somehow managed to evade him, despite  serious homicidal effort and planning on his behalf.  Twice he  heard the clank in the letterbox but both times they were gone in the two seconds it took him to run down the stairs.

There was a time when the fuckers were just beer-bellied, Guinness-swigging gobshites.  They’d make SOME effort to convince you to vote for Paddy Joe.

He paused to settle his pounding heart and swallow a blood-pressure pill.

But not anymore.  Christ no.  Now we have fucking Ninja canvassers….

The new Breed, the Ninja Canvasser.
The new Breed, the Ninja Canvasser.
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By The Geek

Absolutely fabulous wizardry including brilliant and amazing administration of this glorious site of the great BOCKSTER.

7 replies on “The New Breed of Fianna Fáil Canvasser”

They’ve been on weekend crash-canvass-training courses in secret FF canvass-training-camp in the hinterlands.
They wasn’t however any test on completion so there will be opportunities when those canvassers who didn’t pay attention in class arrive on the streets.

I have my shillelagh at the ready; just inside the front door.

some ungodly time before 8 o’clock on Saturday morning, not in the best of health after Fridays match and the drunken session which inevitably followed, I hear the clatter at the letterbox.

“fucksake, not those dumbfuck conmen with the fake third world aid labels trying to extract old clothes to flog in Bratislava Market again”

…..No, a sheaf of leaflets with the smiling face of that little poxed bollix WillyO’Day who isn’t even standing for election awaits me in the hallway. Out of curiosity I got to the gate – I live on a long enough avenue to see how far they were – just in time to see the FF’ers actually RUNNING between houses to deliver the messages of hope to the masses.

No sign of the Minister, not that my dog would have any chance of catching that scuttering cunt anyway.

Reminder: Must get a rabid greyhound in time for General Election .

You do know they get paid to canvass right? Don’t know about FG – maybe it’s the same for them. But FF canvassers are paid.

Must be protection money, Mark. Can’t see anyone doing it voluntarily, bet they have to sign disclaimers as well before being sent out.

Wonder does Little Corporal Willie supply them with Army surplus combat helmets and snake venom serum for their forays into battle?

@ Mark: Unfortunately not paid, Mark. Leaflet droppers are sometimes paid – they get distributed with papers or Domino’s special offers. But canvassers aren’t paid (unless they are canvassing for SERIOUSLY unpopular candidates!)

I had a poor bastard at the door today. Now I was not very rude to him I listened to his “spiel” about what a wonderful councillor F.F. “x” had been for the last ten years and agreed with him . Then the hit. I said “were She Independent or a member of any other Party She could be sure of my No.1” the response? “ Will you think about her anyway”. NO! Sad I know but I enjoyed it.

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