Torturing Fianna Fail Canvassers

 Posted by on May 15, 2009  Add comments
May 152009
 

I know it’s evil. I know they’re only doing their job.

Or do I?

Wait a minute. They’re not doing a job. They’re not producing anything. They’re just a a crowd of self-interested cocksuckers trying to persuade us that we should vote for the party that crashed our country into a brick wall.

Well that’s all right then. It’s open season, isn’t it?

Pause. Guilty pause. Confession.

I’ve been torturing them long before I went through that logical exculpation.

It must be two or three weeks since the first naive pair of Fianna Fail canvassers arrived at my door, bowing and scraping. Smiling nervously.

Hi there.

What party?

Hi, we were just going to drop off a few leaflets.

What party?

We’ll just leave them here, ok?

What fucking party?

Nervous grin. Fianna, eh, Fa-fa-fa …

Fianna Fail?

Eh, yeah.

Get the fuck off my property before I set the fucking dog on ya, thieving crooked shower of cunts get the fuck outa here now or I’ll kick the fuckin teeth outa yer fuckin face shower of crooked thievin cunts fuckoff!!!

Incredibly, one of them was still approaching me, wearing a horrible, ingratiating Mormon grin and holding out a leaflet.

Where the fuck are you going?

Our policies —

Your policy you thieving crooked cunt fuck off where the fuck is my fuckin dog come here now Satan and tear the bollocks offa this fuckin fucker get the fuck outa here now or I’ll kick the fuckin teeth outa yer fuckin face fuck off and die ya crowd of crooked thievin cunts fuck you and all belongin to ya cunts fucker fucks fuck off that means you ya stupid fucker do you want to fuckin die????

I think they got the message.

  9 Responses to “Torturing Fianna Fail Canvassers”

Comments (9)
  1.  

    My sentiments are mirrored in this post.

  2.  

    I am deeply lazy.

    Really.

    Do you think you could do an MP3 of that tirade for me to use whenever they come around, thereby maintaining my streak of laziness, but clearly getting the message across about my feelings towards them?

  3.  

    I find by placing a large piece of Polythene down and asking them to stand on it while they pontificate does the trick.Just tell them you’Dont want to ruin me drive’…and like that..their gone…Like a rat out of an aqueduct.

  4.  

    Its a scary time in the life of a FF canvasser indeed, and rightly so!
    Complete shower of robbing corrupt immorally useless bastards

  5.  

    I prefer to invite them in for a cup of urinal tea and a long chat, which really just consists of me showering them in expletives, happy in the knowledge that I’ve kept the bastards off the streets for at least a little while and sated their thirsts.

  6.  

    You’re getting soft, Bock. Only TWO foam-flecked tirades? I expect more from you, like tying them to the bumper of your car and dragging them behind you to a deserted country lane and letting them walk home, bare-foot and bollock-naked.

  7.  

    To rant and rave at them is the primary gut reaction I would have too, if I were there to be able to rant and rave. Unfortunately they aren’t coming canvassing at my door here in Brussels yet.

    But, there was a very interesting article in the Examiner today which suggests that you ask them challanging questions about various topics. See here: http://www.examiner.ie/opinion/editorial/questions-for-candidates–harness-your-anger-to-get-answers-91765.html

  8.  

    To rant and rave at them is the primary gut reaction I would have too, if I were there to be able to rant and rave. Unfortunately they aren’t coming canvassing at my door here in Brussels yet.

    But, there was a very interesting article in the Examiner today which suggests that you ask them challanging questions about various topics. See here: http://www.examiner.ie/opinion/editorial/questions-for-candidates–harness-your-anger-to-get-answers-91765.html

  9.  

    They never bother to canvass in person where I live, I can hardly see the Fianna Fail logo on any of the posters. Gone are the times when that was pasted on top of their election literature.

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