Ireland in Sunny Weather Shock

 Posted by on June 4, 2009  Add comments
Jun 042009
 

I was standing with Parkenstein gazing up at the fiery ball in the sky that other people call the Sun, but which Irish people refer to as What the Fuck is That?

Isn’t it nice? said Parkenstein.

‘Tis,  I assured him.I was out in the countryside today on a secret mission.  It was gorgeous.

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This is the way it’ll be the whole time when we’re in Croatia.

That’s right, I agreed.  It’ll be nice to get away.

Twill, he nodded.

How many are going now? I wondered.

Dunno.  About thirty, I think.

Jesus, I said.  that’s a good crowd.

Dunno about that, he frowned.  A big crowd, yes, but a good crowd   ?

0072Do you know what, I said.  I have a good mind to invite a gang of misfits, layabouts and ne’er-do-wells for a barbecue at the weekend.  

You mean you’ll invite your friends.

That’s harsh, I said, in a small, hurt voice.

Harsh but true.

True but harsh.  This hot weather depresses me.


How so?  I thought sunlight gave you a lift.

Well it did, I said, until I noticed that big fuck-off funfair that arrived in town.

Funderland, said Parkenstein.

 

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Knacker Central, I replied.  I never saw so many scrunchies, beer-bellies, tattoos, muffin-tops, moustaches and hoop ear-rings all in one place.  Jesus if only I had a small domestic nuclear weapon.

Funny you should mention that, said Parkenstein.  I just happened to purchase a small tactical nuclear device on eBay.  You can have it on one condition.

 

Anything, I said.  What?

Would you kindly shut the fuck up for five minutes and let me enjoy the sunshine?

 

__________________

Previously:

Doorways of Istria


 



  7 Responses to “Ireland in Sunny Weather Shock”

Comments (7)
  1.  

    The farmers are going out about the drought you know, already, what the cattle drying up on the parched brown land. It’s not a good sign Bock, Leaving certs in doolally land and then mixed up English papers.
    We’re not able for the weather Bock, we’re just not used to enjoying ourselves.

  2.  

    I have a much better place for the deployment of the tactical nuclear weapon. However perhaps we should not go there.

  3.  

    The rear gunner Oscar Wilde, who was allegedly rogering gaggles of teenage rent boys…….., said that when people start talking about the weather they have nothing better to be talking about.But the sunny spell is supposed to break this weekend. Foreboding clouds and Siberian winds are gathering pace off our coasts and soon we’ll be sniveling rain lashed Gaels again.Meantime, according to antiquity, whatever, the Greeks, when faced with the prospect of bad weather, used fuck some wretch from their metrological office off a cliff to appease the weather Gods.Did these human sacrifices work? Well, thousands of years later they have consistent sunny spells – we rest our case.Likewise with us Gaels, lob a few politicians or bankers off the Cliffs of Moher of a bank holiday weekend and it could be like Havana over here. Within a generation we’d have reasonable looking tans when we took to the beach instead of looking like a flock of sea gulls.

  4.  

    Holy faither… I thought I’d stumbled into one of those elegant reading rooms just off the main drag in Auld Reekie. Forget the sun shining, just look at the dazzling decor in Bock-land.

    Very nice sir.. very nice indeed.

  5.  

    Thank you Mr Bastard. You’re very kind.

  6.  

    Techno advice, when loading images right click and find the image properties – you can then insert a description of the image, i.e. “me being carted off to the quare place” which will arise when us, the great
    unwashed, run our rodent across the face of the pic on the site. The other half showed me this, while I was letting on that I knew it all along, that I was puter literate, going forward.

  7.  

    “Going Forward” I would appreciate it if anyone using that phrase could stick it as far up their arse as it will go. What happened to in the future?Biffo seems to have coined the phrase

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