It says in the papers …

 Posted by on July 20, 2009  Add comments
Jul 202009
 

Jesus Christ, the papers are mad today.

Wrinkly Paddy very kindly put us up last night when we went to Dubland for the Leonard Cohen gig, and he even put a lovely greasy breakfast on the table this morning.  Get that inside ya, Bock.

I ate it on my own because daughter, you see, had fucked off to a party last night leaving Wrinkly Paddy and me to drink all the wine.  But WP is a truly great host, and not only slapped a big dirty fry-up in front of me, but also a copy of the newspaper.

What headline catches my hung-over eye?

Well, right there on the front page is a headline that says Archbishop warns against State control of education.

Does he now?  Would he prefer to leave it in the hands of the pervy fuckers who ran it for centuries and did such a great job of abusing our children and fucking with our heads?  I see.  What next?  the Archbishop gives his views on nuclear power?  Motorway design?  Phosphates in the watercourses?

Look.  I have only one piece of advice for the Archbishop.  He can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.  What the fuck do priests know about education or medicine?  Fuck-all, that’s what.  When Ratzo broke his wrist last week, did they send for a bishop to fix it?

And then I thumb through the paper and notice that the tribunal lawyers are taking a savage pay cut, due to the difficult times in which we live.  Yup.  A huge pay cut.  Their daily rate is being reduced by €200.

That’s right.  Their pay is cut by €200 per day.

Now, if that happened to most people it would mean that their pay was gone and they hadn’t a penny left, but luckily for the Tribunal lawyers, even though €200 per day is being taken off their pay, they still have €2,300 each and every day to struggle by on.

Not bad, is it? €2,300 a day?

Not bad at all, but here’s the nice bit.  They should originally have been on €2,250 a day, only some fucking gobshite sent out a letter with a typo in it offering them €2,500 and the government decided they couldn’t retract the offer, even though it wasn’t what they agreed.

Stop.

Who gets paid €2,250 a day and why?  Who is worth that?  Are they saving mankind?  Diverting a rogue asteroid?  Curing cancer?  Killing Daniel O’Donnell?

No.  They’re going into a fucking tribunal talking shite to other fuckers like themselves, chaired by another fucker just like them and getting fucking nowhere.

Why the fuck should lawyers get paid that much?  In fact, why the fuck should lawyers be in the tribunals at all?  They aren’t courts of law, which in themselves are a load of shite, operated for the enrichment of a small clique of idiot drunkards who just happen to speak the same jargon to the exclusion of those who pay their wages.

They should have hired people on the dole to run the Tribunals and they could have cut whatever the fuck they liked off the money. Or firemen or nurses or teachers. ‘Cause, you see, there’s no problem telling unemployed people, and old-age pensioners and firemen and nurses that they’re getting less, but you can’t tell that to barristers, even though it was only one letter and it was a mistake and that’s not what you agreed with them when you hired them.

No.  You can’t do that if you’re the Irish government.

What other shit was in the paper?

Swine flu.  Irish swine flu deaths “inevitable”.

Really?  Well I have news.  It’s the fucking flu.  It always kills people.  To read all this shit, you’d think it was the Black fucking Death.  Bubonic plague.

It isn’t.  It’s the fucking flu and the fucking flu fucking kills people all the time.  If  this particular flu didn’t have the word Swine associated with it, nobody would give a fuck.  It’s the flu, for fucksake!

Meanwhile some fucking bastard in England nearly won some golf shit and they’re all amazed because he’s 59.  So what?  I fucking hate golf.  It isn’t a sport.  It’s a disease.

Meanwhile again, Real Madrid are playing Shamrock Rovers for some reason.  I don’t care.  I fucking hate soccer.  A bunch of overpaid nancy-boys rolling around on the ground pretending they’re in agony.  I hope some ignorant Rovers mucker ploughs through Ronaldo and gives him an injury he can really moan about.

There’s fucking farmers on the streets.  Walter fucking Cronkite is dead.  And  that fucking eejit from the green party is gurning out at me.  What’s his name?  Dan Boyle, the fucking idiot.

Did you see the Greens’ latest policy? The country is fucking broke but they want to spend €3 billion building a fucking metro in North Dublin.  Isn’t that  great?  We’re broke.  They’re cutting the old-age pension, but the Greens want to build a metro for their kaftan-weaving gobshite right-on condescending brown-rice buddies.

They can fuck off too.  I’ve had enough of newspapers for one day.  And Greens.

Fuck that!

  8 Responses to “It says in the papers …”

Comments (8)
  1.  

    You missed the worst bit about the Metro (apart from there being a far more effective and inexpensive alternative using busses and the existing rail line from Heuston to Connolly) – they have to dig up Stephen’s Green to build the Metro terminal. The whole of Stephen’s Green.

  2.  

    No.

    The worst bit is that it has fuck-all to do with the majority of us who don’t live in Dublin but still have to pay for it.

    That’s the worst bit.

  3.  

    Page 104 Teletext at the moment

    The Catholic Archdiocese of Dublin had identified up to 450 victims of alleged and proven child sexual abusers ministering under its authority. etc etc

    http://www.rte.ie/aertel/104-01.html

    The rest of the world must be laughing at us.Imagine a tourist reading the newspaper.

    1 Page the archbishop is telling the government how to run the schools and the next page reminds us what happened when the Church ran the schools

  4.  

    Madrid won 1-0 you’ll be eager to know. At least when Limerick played them in Dublin we scored – and it was a competitive game also. Ronaldo, who is being forced to survive on about €300,000 a week, had the living fuck kicked out of him by Rovers defenders and was hauled off at half time.

    “I really enjoyed my stay here this week. The people were very friendly and the scenery is beautiful. We will definitely be coming back to Norway again in the future,” he told the cheering crowds after the game.

    And with that twinkle toes disappeared into the night, briefly pausing to take in the majestic urban sprawl of Tallaght.

    But at least Shamrock Rovers played the game in their own ground in front of their own fans, unlike the fucks that took Limerick’s first round, first leg European Cup tie with Madrid to Lansdowne Road in 1980.

    Eoin Hand, who was Limerick player manager at the time was on TV last night and said he never agreed with that decision. The game should have been played in Thomond Park he said.

    And so say all of us.

  5.  

    The Greens want to an increase in fuel prices as a condition for them to stay in government. I guess they can fuck off then. I seriously reckon that they are hell bent on losing every single seat in all tiers of government that they currently have.

    I can’t get a bus to college. Well I can but it would actually mean three seperate buses and a return trip of 7 and a half hours. I suppose I could cycle but that would mean cycling up and over the Comeragh Mountains twice a day with an 84 mile round trip.

    I cannot convey into words just how much I hate the self righteous green party pricks. Gah! I’m angry now. I promised I would never let them annoy me so much ever again..

  6.  

    Well stated all. Nothing wrong in this posting I reckon.

    It should anger people when they read about what is going on but it doesn’t does it? I mean if it did, a few of those lawyers would have been shot by now, not to mention the bishops, the Greens; the Government even!

    I wonder why.

  7.  

    all this noise about the flu really gets on my goat. now if it was killing several thousand every half hour i might take a bit of notice. you never hear how many people have died from a real disease, like malaria. you never hear how many people have died from a treatable disease, because the drugs were not more available and affordable. i’m afraid to think how the media would handle a real flu like the one of 1918.
    their coverage of the flu, is almost annoying as the coverage given to soldiers killed in afghanistan. close to 190 now. wow thats a savage figure. the media seems truley shocked by these numbers. they want a war were nobody dies, except the “bad guys”. and even their deaths are done very clinical and humane. as far as i’m concerned the soldiers death is an occupational hazard. sort of like a painter falling off a ladder.

  8.  

    Father Ted was dead right.

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