Eating Over-Priced Dog-Turds in Paddy Cullen’s

Dublin pub serves crap food at top prices.

Here’s why our country is in such a state.  It’s full of  money-grabbers, who are quite happy to fling any old shit at you across the counter and expect you to be impressed by their abysmally low standards of catering and service.

I was in Dublin during the week, with a friend of mine (no, it wasn’t for the annual bog-ball competition) and we were a bit peckish, although in truth, we probably had more interest in getting a pint of Guinness than grub.

Look here, said my companion, let’s get a bit in Paddy Cullen’s fine establishment.

Ah, I said.  You mean the ale-house owned by the eponymous Dublin bog-ball goalkeeper?

I certainly do, he said.

And so we entered Paddy Cullen’s magnificent establishment.


I’m not that hungry, said my companion.

Me neither, I replied. What’ll we have?

Why don’t we just a get a basket of sausages and chips like those girls over there are having?  We can eat a proper meal later.

Splendid idea, I told him. Bartender, we would like two pints of Guinness and two baskets of sausages and chips, please.

And so, in due course, the pints arrived: a pair of creamy new friends which went down very well, but which were followed by two baskets of limp, soggy, tired chips and some dark brown, greasy dog-turds pretending to be sausages.

What the hell.  We were hungry and we forced back the shit we’d been offered.

Come on, said my companion.  We’d better get a move on.

Right, I replied.  Let me get this.  Excuse me?  I’d like to pay please.

That will be twenty-six euros forty please, said the bored Polish bar-woman.


Twenty-six euros and forty cents.

How much are the sausages?

Eight euros forty, replied the bored barwoman without a blink.

Get that now.  Eight euros forty for a basket of rotten chips and a few sausages.

This, to me, sums up why our country is in such shit.

Crap handed up to you as if it was edible with a price tag that makes you wince.

I have no idea if Paddy Cullen is still involved with the pub or if it’s run by an accountant, but is it any wonder the country is in the shit with businessmen prepared to serve you such rubbish and expecting you to pay such ludicrous money for something you’d hesitate to offer your dog.

No, seriously now.

It’s worse than  poor value.  It illustrates what a shit standards exist, particularly in Dublin, where places like Paddy Cullen’s think they’re doing you a favour by serving you over-priced crap.  It shows low business standards and low personal standards.

Has Paddy Cullen no pride at all, or is he just a muck savage who thinks sausages and chips are the height of haute cuisine, and fully worth the insane prices he demands for them?  Maybe this is Paddy’s idea of a top-class meal.  Maybe this is what he and Jimmy Keaveney used to love, along with a feed of porter after a match, but that’s thick gobshites for you.  In most people’s world, sausages are something you eat when you’re in a hurry and you don’t want to waste too much money.

We were served shit for big money, and if you think we were fools to pay for it, you’re probably right, but I wouldn’t be such a fool a second time.

I won’t go back to Paddy Cullen’s and I’d advise you never to go in there either.

They’ll rip you off and they’ll laugh at you  because they think you, the customer, are also a piece of shit, just like most Irish businesses.

How do I know?

Eight euros forty for a basket of soggy chips, that’s how.

As Kieran Fitzgerald once famously said — admitedly in a different sort of football game, but still relevant — Paddy, where’s your fucking pride?


From the Bock archives:  Paddy Cullen’s pub was at the centre of the fighting policemen farce a few years back.

73 thoughts on “Eating Over-Priced Dog-Turds in Paddy Cullen’s

  1. What? No black pudding?

    I always think it’s mark of a classy establishment when you can buy a basket of deep-fried black pudding to go with the gargle. Perhaps this omission is what’s damning Paddy Cullens. Yes.

  2. Bock, my offer to come to Dublin and cook a lasagne or even better an elk stew, you may ask what is an elk stew?. Well first we have to shoot it in the forest. I,m concerned abot your horrible food encounters. There was the dog vomit attack in the south which you so vividly described to such a degree that I had difficulty in passing the dogs in my area for fear of the same. But this is more serious as it happened in your own town. Bock we really have to get that food guide out with warning text in red, a sort of anti Mitthelin guide. Will you survive another attack, my concern is real.

  3. At least it’s good to know that this kind of thing isn’t isolated to the ol’ USA. Like over your way it’s not every restaurant, diner or pub that does this, just enough of them to piss you off.

    Of course we have my little “City” in the Northeast Kingdom where the only decent restaurant within 50 miles that served good food at more than reasonable prices closed down (insurance company now lives where I used to eat breakfast on Sundays and fish and chips on Fridays) and now all we have left is two “high end” establishments that serve mediocre food at exorbitantly high prices.

  4. No 8 — Still expensive for lunch. And probably a bit filling. There’s an excellent little place in this town called Chocolat that serves a three-course meal for 15.50. I must do a report on it, with pictures.

    Sweary — The black pudding would certainly make it worth the 8.40.

    Gerryo — That’s Dubland for you. It still believes it’s something more than the backwater capital of a tiny bankrupt country.

    Vincent — And the vested interests, like Paddy Cullen, instructed their elected puppets to vote him down.

    Charles — I have the good fortune not to live in Dublin. Come to Limerick and cook that elk stew.

    Kirk — Trust me. American service is in a different universe to service over here.

  5. Bock, Saw an elk this morning and thought of you. Was in Ardara in donegal and ate at Charleys West End Cafe and they do a breakfast worthy of a Bulgarian wrestler. Their lunch was wortthy of a Russian wrestler and not pricey. If these attacks continiue I,m afraid we have to send you there for rehab.

  6. Limerick ? not Dublin?. Ah Jaysus Bock! ( am getting quite good at using Irish adjectives) I thought I was communicating with a metropolitan type instead I have a bogman on the line. Bock give me some time to get over this and no elk.

  7. I suspect the same and my concerns for you are genuine. Could be part of a covet action to silence Bock. After all your writings can not have gone unnoticed amongst the elite.” Let,s give Bock bad food and make hom pay for it” is their strategy. A demonic conspiracy. Still can,t get over the Limerick bit. I have a feeling that Limerick is something of an Irish outpost and there you are holding the flag of sanity raised high in an otherwise house of madness.

  8. Bock this is fun! I mean the thread .However Dublin does not think itself above the World just some kips that charge prices at ridicules rates that foolish people shall pay. If you wish to be ripped off big time try Temple Bar!

  9. Bock, I’ve been to Chocolat, very decent food at very decent prices. Roly’s is an annual treat when in the Smoke for a rugby match.

    Charles, you’re far too clever for me. If you know what a bogman is as opposed to a metropolitan type, then I suspect you know what bog ball is.

  10. Bock, what is your problem? Did you not check the prices before you ordered? If the food was sub-standard, send it back. Instead, like all Irish people, you scoff the lot and moan afterwards. There are loads of great places to eat all over the country, including Dublin, with great value to be had. If you had a bad experience, take it up with the pub in question there and then and try to get it resolved instead of scurrying back to your blog with the usual boring refrain of “This is why the country is in shit”.

  11. Charles Bog Ball is an insulting term for Gaelic Football.

    No. 8 Good to see on at this time of Day. I thought you would be busy sacking people.

    El Cuno A Pub owner or Café owner perhaps?

    Bock “if in doubt check it out” there are kips all over the World. If we do not use them they will close. Let the Buyer beware.

  12. el Cuno — My problem? I’m too trusting, that’s my problem. I trust that a gobshite publican will provide me with good value, because I’m probably not as suspicious-minded as you.

  13. “No. 8 Good to see on at this time of Day. I thought you would be busy sacking people”

    Only union members Gary. Seems like Paddy Cullens chips aren’t a patch on yours.

  14. Damien Molly — Your comment for some reason was caught in the spam queue. Where did you notice me saying I didn’t complain in Cullen’s?

    Incidentally, your IP address is a very interesting one. Would you like to come clean and confirm that you have been posting under a different name up to now?

  15. No.8 Now that you have “outed” yourself. We all know where you are coming from. May you live long and prosper. Until Internal Audit find you are playing on the Internet. Instead of working.. Crap food and service should be pointed out to the Management and to the World. “Can do better” . If more people complained and sent crap back we might, just might, get a better service. I beg to disagree about American food I found it to be idiocy huge amounts of same o‘l same o’l and a hundred and fifty dressings that the staff felt compelled to offer. Just my opinion.

  16. No 8 side stepped my question but Gary saved the day.and deliverd the answer. Bog-ball, honestly never heard it before and am so happy to aquire a new word to insult my fellow human beings with. It ranks up there with the others like gobshite, gombeen, amadan, cultchie, jackeen, priest.. No 8 assumes I must know having a nome de guerre as O’Rourke. Despite having an intense like for Ireland and some genetic hertitage that sadly is not the case. So no 8 never assume that a person asking you a question knows the answer. You may be forgiven if you show remorse by giving me a nice insulting word in class with the above mentioned.

  17. Charles — I’ll be writing a piece on the history of Gaelic football shortly. It’s a sort of compromise between soccer and rugby, combining the worst elements of both.

  18. Gary I love bog-ball I mean the word and it,s derogatry earthy tweedy gombeen sound. Must be lovely to throw it into a crowd of red necked boggish people in a pub after a final match which they have lost preferably in Dublin.

  19. Point of clarification: Dubliners are boggers too. They just pretend to talk like Americans and Brits.

    We’re all boggers.

  20. Can,t wait for it appearing Bock, must admit I dont, like GAA, mostly for what it stands for. That is to say the narrow minded nationalism, The mere sight of that fecker ( a newly aquired word) the bishop throwing in the ball to those bogmen put me off for good. Now rugby is a different kettle of fish. No fecking ( a newly aquired word) bishop throwing in anything.

  21. Pubs in Dublin generally overcharge; all visitors to that shitty-city get to know this quickly. For a service industry the vitners of Dublin are a bunch of crap-artists.

  22. Gary, I paddle my own canoe. Judge and jury, no need to fear Internal Audit.

    Charles, I didin’t assume anything. I just couldn’t be bothered answering your question. Gabhal is a Limerick insult, as in “You’re some gabhal” “What gabhal did that?” Comes from the Irish meaning fork. As in road. Hence fork in legs, esp female.

    I agreed with you on the GAA. Along with the Catholic Church and FF they have retarded the development of Ireland.

  23. @Bock

    Oh, Bocky bocky bocky. You know IP addresses are meaningless really.

    Maybe you did’t say that you didn’t complain in Cullens. But sure as shinola makes poo shiny – you would have announced it to the world if you did.

    I’ll bet you paid up for your soggy chips and toddled along happy to moan to all and sundry about the state of it all.

    Basic rule of thumb – if you get shite service / product – complain when you’re there.

  24. No. 8 a “Human Resources Consultant” ? Jesus H Christ !(that’s one for you Charles) you might also like Wanker and tosser . Both refering to whacking.
    Bock you are right to point out crap where you find it. Keep up the good work.

  25. Ah christ on a crutch.

    I just got back from a meal with an old friend (we live in Portland, Oregon). OK, it was happy hour – but here’s what we got:

    5 pints of beer – 2 for him, 3 for me. He was driving.
    A plate of fries (they were yam, not potato – this is PORTLAND, remember? They were great – never had them before). 4 vegetable rolls with peanut sauce – also excellent – very filling.

    $27 – 18 euro, if math serves.

    The Rip-off Republic will outlast the Sun.

  26. Gary judging from your posting times, you’re either an insomniac or you work shift and are posting on the bosses time. No wonder you’re concerned about “workers rights”. What about your employers rights? Or don’t they count?

  27. No. 8 We share very few thing in common However I too am “freelance“ .Unlike you I have not turned to the dark side. Live long and prosper for as long as it lasts . I fear your and your ilk’s days are numbered.

  28. As an after thought. A gift to Charles “Lanager” a cork term for prick. Perhaps one may relate this to some of our Posters? Or perhaps not. Crap wherever it appears should be “outed” whether it be food, service or bullshite.

  29. Damien Molly — This site has a very reasonable comments policy. Rule Number One: don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

  30. Gary ,thanks for” Lanager “,”Wanker” and” Tosser ” your generosity moved me. No 8 thanks for “Gabhal” you are redeemded. Was dissapointed that we are in agreement on three areas, The feckin GAA, Fianna Fail, and the feckin Catholic Church. Be nice to Gary now.

  31. Här kommer en Svensk svordom, “Din jälva skitstövel”. Translation- Here is a Swedish term of abuse deliverd as you are thrown out of a house party.” You devilish shit boot”. My favourite is “Vilken jävla STOLPSKOTT” meaning ” you devilsh lousy footoll player who only hits the goal post with your kick. Then there is the” Rövslickare” which describes the behaviour of a person who by applying his tounge to the rear end of another fot the purpose of gaining anvantages in politics, or at work or becoming a” Kelgris” translation “Tickle Pig”. ” Tickel Pigs” are a quite common breed and seem to flock near parliments. Our Swedish terms of abuse are lame compared to the Finns, their verbal abuse is said to even make a hardended policeman cringe. But there is nothing here to match “Gombeen. Now if we were to cross a Swedish and an Irish term of abuse, say after me No 8 ” You Gombeen Tickle Pig”. There all yours Bock.

  32. Charles, “You Gombeen Tickle Pig”

    Lacks Anglo Saxon crassness and vulgarity, but insulting none the less.

    Gary who?

  33. Charles Róvslickare would translate as “Arselicker” another good one would be “Arsehole” . Now who does that remind me of I wonder?

  34. Bock, you may have the monopoly on ” Tickle Pig” and use it at random. I dedicate it to you . No I mean to no 8 whom Gary and I seem to have in our crosshairs. I have used it on Danes, Swedes, Norwegians and the odd Icelander and all seem to be perfectly happy by my abuse. I f I call them pigs that will not do but Tickle Pig makes them smile and their rural genes come alive. No 8 you may use “You Gombeen Tickle Pig” at will once you have permission from Bock who now has the ownership of the insult.

  35. No 8, all is forgiven, “An Muc Cigil” Jaysus it,s lovely. The sheer taste of it in me mouth is already having a remedial effect. The” Tickle Piglet” is an insult used to describe the piglet that is smallest and weakest in a litter. The farmers wife would take it in to the house to give it the bottle. The children became attached to the “MUC CIIGIl” and it of course saw the benifits of being a Muc of the house. Time passed and the siblings (The mucs siblings) were dispatched to the oven and frying pan but the Muc hided behind the children and escaped that fate. Meanwhile it got fatter and fatter and could not be removed out of the house without pulling down the walls. The winner “THE MUC CIGIIL” Now translated in to economic terms it was a huge loss for the farmer who should have let the swine die. Bit like the banks and Nama.

  36. Charles we refer to such an animal as the ”runt” of the litter. Point well made on NAMA and the Banks.

  37. Usually go to lunch on a monday with my two brothers,it can take us anywhere really,but on monday we decided the kilmurry lodge will take our custom,the food was perfect,the staff for the main part were very pleasant,if your beef curry is as good as the one i had there i will be a happy chappie tonight,only downside about the lunch was when we looked for a jug of water our waitress rolled her eyes to heaven.she got pulled on it straight away though in a nice way.

  38. My brother and I had a long day out in D4 showing a grumpy alsation the benefits of local pubs. On this particular afternoon, dog on board, the bro chose to park right outside PC’s as we were still thirsty. In process, The Bro scraped a brand new English reg Range Rover with a beat up ex garda mazda 323 while the driver was still on board. This small English chap was quick to dismount his motor and raise the issue with The Bro. I got out of car, then the Bro. I am 6ft and The Bro who went threw a windscreen years ago and would shit godzilla got out and stood 6’4 scarefaced. He apologised and handed wee English gent a tenner and wee English man drove off happy with his tenner. I estimate damage was about € 1800. What a nice English Chappy! Funny as fuck though.

  39. Not a bit funny. You’re an arrogant prick and so is your brother. Your brother is also a thief. You intimidated that man out of what was rightfully his.

    Why do you think that an adult would find your childish story funny?

    I notice you’ve only started to leave comments here tonight. Are you a complete knacker?

  40. Yes we were arrogant. Many years ago, but we have learned since. and bye the way Mr Perfect, if you think this is the first night I have left comments then you are either blind or too full of yourself to notice. got your attention though didnt it?…and this did…now piss off you wanna be half assed wish I was a proper journalist prick

  41. Dear Blog Host.
    We are instructed by our client to request that you immediately delete all material contributed by way of comments or otherwise from this website, posted under the identity of Fastbreak. Please be advised that cyber attacks may be tracked and criminal damage charges may be brought to bear. We thank you for your cooperation.


  42. I had a wonderful 3 course meal, wine included, with my girlfriend and some friends of her’s. For four people it came to €71. We were away from the tourist traps
    Living here I’m getting fatter by the day :-)
    The only thing I missed afterwards was a properly priced and tasty Guinness

  43. Great grub in Mountrath of all places. The last garage/filling station on the right as you leave M for Dublin. Yesterday, a choice of Bacon & Cabbage, Tandoori Chicken, Chicken & Ham, Lamb Shank with wild mushroom sauce, all with potatoes and veg or rice …….. €7.99. Not gourmet, just great.

  44. I kinda agree with Charles O’Rourke about Charley’s West End Cafe, but if you go further over the street in Ardara in Donegal to a wee place called “Whatchamccollums”, (yeah I know the name is corny), but that place has the best Fish and Chips I have ever had and at a very reasonable price.

  45. Thanks Dermot, and visit the Nessbits pub by the Graveyard in Ardara. Great pint and lovely atmosphere. They serve pints through a hole in the wall. Not sure what it is called . Cement floor so the farmers could bring in their dogs.

  46. “Has Paddy Cullen no pride at all, or is he just a muck savage who thinks sausages and chips are the height of haute cuisine”..haha. He’s no fucking shame either by the sounds of things.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.