Green Lite

 Posted by on October 11, 2009  Add comments
Oct 112009
 

Our badgers, mink and stags are safe.

Thank God.

The Greens are staying in government, having hammered out a series of concessions on things that were going to happen anyway, things that might happen if there was any money, things that are completely irrelevant and things that can’t happen.

The feared super-tax on kaftan-weaving won’t now happen and the yoga levy is to be scrapped.

All around our coasts, the Ego Worriers are going to build a vast array of wave-powered dreamcatchers to harvest our most valuable natural resource: self-delusion. To operate this mighty complex of machinery, workers who lost their jobs in the downturn will be intensively reskilled in Transcendental Meditation.

Once this vital infrastructure is in place, Ireland will be in a position to deliver on the key Green commitment: to make everything a lot better very quickly.

This will be achieved by magic thinking and circular breathing.

The Greens have promised to provide 100% broadband by 2012,  starting from today when we only have fraudband.

There’s a firm commitment that someone from IT will take our Minister for Communications aside and explain to him the difference between real broadband and mobile broadband, and also if there’s time, to explain to him what the internet is.

Third level fees won’t be reintroduced, which is possibly the one thing that was most feared by pensioners and poor people, but registration fees will quietly double instead.

The Greens also promise that there will be 6,000 more electric vehicles on the streets over the next three years, thus ensuring that exhaust fumes are removed from Dublin and shifted down the country where the power stations are located  and where there are no real people —  just actors to make the place look authentic when the Green party visit their sustainable holiday homes.

Almost everything will be Smart in the new Green Ireland.  We’ll have a Smart Economy, Smart Food, Smart Forestry, Smart Fish, Smart Tourism and Smart Money.  There will be Smart Dogs and Smart Cats.

Smart Mountains, Smart Rivers.  Smart Scenery.

This will be an extraordinary transformation from the current stupidity, and all achieved by unleashing the limitless powers of magic thinking.

Smarties will be the new unit of currency.

We won’t have Smart Clothes though, because they’re made by child slave labour in Burma.

Public transport, which is mainly for people in Dublin, will be revolutionised.  There will be fewer trains and buses but you’ll have a better idea of how badly the system is working.  By 2011, all towns and cities will have RTPI systems in place.  This stands for Real-time Passenger Information, which is a way of letting you know that your bus is late, cancelled or gone too early.  The RTPI will be beamed directly to your brain by a dedicated team of reskilled psychics.

A new nuclear energy detector will be installed at the interconnector with Britain to make sure they don’t send us any of that filthy atomic electricity because we’re Irish, and our Greens are even greener than the German Greens, who think nuclear power is good.

Tarot-card printing and hair-braiding have been identified as core industries to be promoted, but most vitally for the nation’s survival, the Greens have negotiated a cast-iron commitment from Fianna Fáil to perhaps at least consider looking at the possibility of maybe turning Dublin’s GPO into a theatre at some stage if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.

And of course, there’s NAMA, but that’s a small price to pay now that the badgers are safe.

_________________

Programme for Government

  32 Responses to “Green Lite”

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  1.  

    What’s annoying is that I would have been outraged by this insulting post back when I was voting Green (i.e. before they got into power and took that extended power nap).

    Now it seems disarmingly accurate. They appear to have happily volunteered for some kind of chemical castration procedure. So who are we supposed to look to now? (BTW: Are you considering my suggestion of running for office as a write-in?)

    ::

  2.  

    Why the hell not?

  3.  

    The fools, by trying to survive they have guaranteed their destruction, and ours. Your Bullet had better knuckle down for I fear that it will be twenty-five years before this works itself out.

  4.  

    Bock with all the Smart Technology is it any wonder the Green minister for communications is such a smug fucking Smartarse.

  5.  

    “our most valuable natural resource: self-delusion”

    That BOCK, says it in a nutshell.

    Best post you’ve put up in a while. Thank fuck I can laugh given the reality behind all this. Well done you.

  6.  

    a member of the greens was on the Last word on friday (im not sure of his name, but like palin i can check it out later). he was talking about the party meeting at the weekend and NAMA. it seems he had gathered significant support amongst party members for nama, provided fur farming was made illegal. seems the greens are prepared to fleece your children and grand children so long as nobody hurts the little fuzzy wuzzy mink. what a shower of pricks

  7.  

    Smart jobs are not what we need.

    *screams loudly……… people stare*

    What is that you say?

    SMART JOBS ARE NOT WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS.

    We need Joe-soap, common or garden jobs, 500,000 of them and soonish.

    Whilst that false god, that Celtic tiger bitch purred and devoured all around inflating the price of everything, well Ireland lost its international competitiveness and hundreds of thousands of Joe-soap jobs in the process. We couldn’t pay ourselves anymore cause it was too dammed expensive to live here and pay a mortgage. The current Dell debacle brings is part of the end game.

    20 Years back; there was a vibrant manufacturing industry here. World class organisations and people. Ireland was tried and trusted, a safe pair of hands for any company who needed to manufacture a quality product. We were among the best at this.

    This is gone, almost entirely.

    The strategy has to be to get half a million people back to work.

    Not 500 or 1000 smart jobs.

    I despair.

  8.  

    500 extra teachers over the next THREE years?
    I could cry with hysteria!
    Approximately 2,500 newly qualified teachers graduate each year. Why? We need them, that’s why. Teachers retire and need to be replaced. The population is growing at a very significant rate, so we have more and more children entering primary school. Special needs pupils are attending mainstream schools more and more and more, so we need more learning-support and resource teachers to teach them.
    Instead we can have 500 over three years?
    T’wont work, lads.

    The Greens have secured the services of 20-30 more educational psychologists, and say that special needs pupils are now sorted.
    Emm, nooooo!
    Psychologists are needed, but definitely not before teachers, and 20=30 are a pittance.
    The psychologists assess pupils suspected of having a learning disability, and recommend x, y and z for them.
    Problem is that we don’t have x, y OR z in our schools.
    Psychologists recommend speech and language therapy, occupational therapy, physiotherapy etc…
    Yep, you’re right – we can’t gain access to these therapies in our school. Why? They don’t exist in schools. we have to get the children on the public list that thousands of others linger on – an average of TWO YEARS of lingering and waiting.
    Ah but, once they got to the top of the list, our special needs children are looked after then aren’t they?
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!
    Nope.
    Unless you call 1-6 sessions until another 2-3 years “being looked after”??

    This Govt, and the last, and the last (all FF led) have lied and lied about Education.
    We can’t give money to schools, because we have prioritised special needs children.
    Special needs children are treated very badly.
    The most that any child can get from FF is 5 hours specialist teaching A WEEK!!
    These are the children with very, very special needs.
    5 hours a week is prioritising them?
    Remember everyone that children with dyslexia get nothing at all, since Dempsey pulled the plug on their support. He did the same to children with low intelligence. These children used to get half an hour a day, and FF slashed it.
    Mary White was spouting yesterday that special needs children are now looked after by the Greens squeezing so much out of FF…….. Oh Mary! Either you don’t know what you’re saying, or you have been “turned” by the FF monster. Mary claims that the teacher’s union INTO are happy. Well, Mary, as a member of INTO let me tell you that you couldn’t be more WRONG there, girl.

    The non-return of College fees is another joke. We DO have fees, they’re just called something else. I think it’s dishonest to say that we don’t have college fees though with such huge “registration” fees. That’s not the end of it either. There are plenty of other fees also. To put things into perspective – there are fees in e.g. Scotland, but those fees are LESS THAN our registration fees!

    Wise up everyone!

  9.  

    for the past decade or more, this government where quite happy to let the number of manufacturing jobs decline. little was done to ensure a vibrant and diverse manufacturing sector. we harp on about all the advantages/skills we have to offer to companies and send teams out to encourage them to locate here. what i can’t understand is why we need these companies? why are we not setting up our own companies? why are we still making eyes at multinationals if we already have so many advantages/skills? the country was awash with money, highly trained and educated. yet we have very little to show in way of a strong exporting manufacturing industry. why so few large irish companies? does anyone know after dell closed in limerick, why an irish man did not take it over? a large highly skilled workforce available, plenty premises about. you’d imagine that instead of sending ministers to texas cap in hand, that this government would be looking for irish people to take it over. encouraging it even. if multinationals want to fuck off, fine. we still retain the skilled workers, why not compete against the former employers? especially in cases where the company was profitable.
    during the boom though the real agenda for the fianna failures was to encourage a property bubble and milk it for all it was worth. why worry about joe- soap jobs when the property pyramid scam was bringing more money in than they knew what to do with? the only job creating idea floating around was developing a world class service industry. how exactly would this work? we can’t even provide a decent broadband service to the people in this country. fiancial services would be out of the question. who’d trust us with their money? what kind of services would we provide to the world? call centres? india is way ahead of us in that area. operators watch local tv from the countries they are dealing with so they can talk about the main stories in the soaps, they can speak the language of the caller, even the clocks in their office is set to the time zone of the caller. everything is geared to give the illusion that the caller is talking to some one local. nice in theory, but as we know in practise not always perfect. despite this, it is light years ahead of us.
    the fact that we hear very little about this service industry now, suggests that even the fianna failures realise its a crap idea. we allowed the very assets that started the boom years ago slip away. Intel said they had several reasons for basing here. there was around 14 reasons, of those reasons only 2 now remain. one of them is the low tax rate.
    the decision to focus on a service industry, and ignore the nuts and bolts of a manufacturing industry, was made under the leadership of the same man who wanted us to move from a pencil to an e-voting machine. we’d be a laughing stock with our little pencils he said. what an arrogant little upstart.
    shame he lost that that old mac,. his new coat came with too many airs of grandeur for my liking.

  10.  

    I think Joe Coleman should join the Green Party.

    They have a shared affinity for talking shite and inspiring hysteria in their followers.

  11.  

    Net Present Value For Dummies – By Limerick Escapee & Language Teecher.

    NPV of NAMA to Green Party Leaders: Zero.

    NPV of NAMA to Taxpayers: €38 billion in lost interest
    (assuming ‘break-even’ from forced house-price-inflation causing homelessness).

    NPV of Mr Gormley’s Pension – Oct 2009: Not bad.
    Escape from Ringsend’s lousy bicycle paths and incinerator. Free at last.

    NPV of Mr Gormley’s Pension – Oct 2012: Excellent.
    Retirement in Bali. Lucrative directorships in the Green Friends-of-EPA Industry.

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qdRqFPGZw2o/SqQNPClC5aI/AAAAAAAABzo/pEKy_UccBJc/s1600-h/thegormley-5.gif

  12.  

    Unreal; surely!

  13.  

    The Greens are a spinless shower just like every other politician in this country. There is no one with any balls to stand up and call a spade-a-spade. this is a major coup for FF. The Greens are the ones bringing in carbon tax, reducing pension tax relief, water charges etc. Like all politicians, they are a greedy. We are paying enough tax in this country – we just don’t spend it efficiently. The question is how we can rid the system of these guys and start anew if that is even possible……. Jobs are gone because we are too expensive (and this is true for Eurpoe in general – just look at the texttile & electronics trade). We need multinationals in this country and the only way is to have cheap labour. Everybody in the country is effectively paid by multinationls or foreign investor as we don’t have any natural resources to flog to the rest of the world. “Smart economy” is a load of rubbish – we are 4m people. India produce 200k engineers/IT grads every year. We cannot compete with this…and wait till chinese get a smell of freedom/democracy………

  14.  

    Far from being spinless as you suggest, this decision indicates that the Greens are all spin and no substance.

  15.  

    The Greens got nothing extra from Fianna Fail, the 500 teachers over 3 years is nothing short of a joke, these will be found among the numbers of temporary teachers already working within the system covering maternity leave, career breaks and sick leave etc, so fuck all expense incurred.

    The Greens now have absolutely no moral mandate and the voting public will hold them to account at the next election, they will be decimated the same as all smaller parties that linked up with FF have been.

    A few fucking bicycles in Dublin, attack on Mink farming and a ban on Light Bulbs?, is a graet legacy considering they have supported and facilitated the worst Government this country has ever experienced.
    FF will walk away after the budget and will blame the Greens for the introduction of water charges and carbon taxes etc, saying the were required to pay for the non existant Education concessions. College Registration Fees will double on the QT and FF will spin this to blame the greens aswell.

    NAMA will bankrupt the country, so we can all thank the GREENS for this aswell – Spineless, greedy, self serving fuckers, they are now more FF that FF themselves, the CUNTS.

  16.  

    Will someone please think of the Mink! Where will they go?

    I think they should all be given as pets to Green Party members. The loveably furry little things have an unjustified reputation for viciousness. The talk of their killing lambs and sheep is just a rural myth. The decimation of our native wild fowl and freshwater fish is nothing to do with the poor misunderstood minkiepoos. They just want to be wuhved and cuddled and live happily ever after with Eamon Ryan, or John Gormley, or Ciaran Cuffe.

  17.  

    Also, please let us not put all of the blame on the greenies when we are short 20-40 billion in a couple of years! There is only one poitical party to blame for the mess we are in now. I say bring in the IMF and clear them all out. And lets chauffeur them (in a limo of course) all to a one way Ryanair flight out of this country!

    Anyway the greens cut their own throats when they went into power with FF so they can get another 2 years of lavish expenses and limos!

    As for the mink – the over population of foxes will need food when suburbia has emigrated and mink should do nicely after they gnaw through those turkeys in Kildare st.

  18.  

    The Greens are an easy target… Everyone just likes to knock them because they are too afraid to have to deal with the reality that FF are never going to get wiped out. So the easiest way to vent is to attack the Greens.

    I would agree that some of the Green mandate is a bit wishy washy, but if they started pushing things through that were going to cost a fortune and achieve nothing more than a collective pat on the back for making the world a better place, one pair of hemp pants at a time, then I might actually get angry…

    I cannot blame the Greens for propping up the government.

    If they pull out now, they are sure to be annihilated. If they hold on, they have a slightly better chance.

    As for NAMA, what option do we have? At least the Greens have promised (lets see if that means anything) to bring some accountability and transparency to the process. So at this point, I would rather have the Greens involved, than have FF running the show like a Jim Henson production

  19.  

    The other options have been debated here at length in many posts, and you know something? If I have to choose between the opinion of Brian Lenihan and that of Joseph Stiglitz, I know where I’m going.

    NAMA is a banana-republic-style scam.

  20.  

    Fine post Bock. love the “smarties”
    ‘they’ll be eating out of the Palm Of Our Hands” bray the leprechauns.

  21.  

    Third level fees wont be re introduced???????? Of course not. Because while the registration fee was e900 3 years ago it is now 1600e, but of course that’s not ‘fees’, that’s the cost of registering. Who knew typing in a name would cost so much.

  22.  

    Did anyone see Brian Cowen’s reaction to the question of whether a Green party member could stand as Ceann Comhairle?

    Smugness factor 10!

    “Speaking on RTÉ’s Drivetime, Mr Sargent said he was approached to see if he was interested in the job.

    However, speaking this evening Taoiseach Brian Cowen said his support for Trevor Sargent’s candidacy for position of Ceann Comhairle was not part of any deal worked out at the weekend in the Programme for Government with the Green Party.

    He said Minister for the Environment John Gormely has indicated that Trevor Sargeant is interested in becoming the next Ceann Comhairle.

    But Mr Cowen said there are a number of eminently suitable candidates in his own party for the position.

    The Taoiseach said that issue will be decided tomorrow. “

  23.  

    Uniquely in the Dáil, Trevor Sargent is actually capable of pronouncing Ceann Comhairle.

  24.  

    “If I have to choose between the opinion of Brian Lenihan and that of Joseph Stiglitz, I know where I’m going.”

    It’s an easier choice than Daddy or Chips ..

    I’m no longer going to blame FF for everything, after all we know they are CUNTS, they have displayed nothing else since the foundation of the state. I am now going to blame the greedy self serving cunts that keep them in power, the greens and those whores of independants who are only interested in their own little pathetic agendas.

    IT’S ALL THE FAULT OF THE GREENS, GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD & GET USED TO HEARING IT BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT FIANNA FAIL WILL SAY COME THE NEXT ELECTION & THE FUNNY THING IS A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE THEM.

  25.  

    Please go easy on the caps. Thanks.

  26.  

    Apologies, I’ve had my horlicks and am calm again, I think the Ceann Comhairle job will be the most sought after in FF / the Greens ever as it will be the only way to guarantee a seat in the next dail for any of them.

  27.  

    Functional,productive but “dirty” places such as Inchicore Railway Works and Spa Road Bus Building Plant were deliberately run into the ground in order that lunatics such as Bertie Aherne,Noel Dempsey,Brian Cowen and the cast of “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” could tell visiting forreners that we had a digital hub at the Back o` the pipes……Mark my words…the Tricolour will be coming down off the GPO yet !!

  28.  

    I was watching a TV program on Monday night on RTE, Eamon Ryan, Green TD and member of the current Government said this; we need a ‘smart’ green economy!
    Even he doesn’t know what’s meant by that.

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