IT Development Bishop Guys’, Like, Memo?

 Posted by on December 11, 2009  Add comments
Dec 112009
 

Parallel universes.

What if the Catholic hierarchy were in IT?

I asked Kae Verens to put himself there, and this internal memo is what he came up with.

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Hi guys,

sorry about those glitches recently reported in the XIAN engine! I’m afraid we’ve only just managed to work the bugs out of the systems and these should /hopefully/ not happen again.

Basically, what was happening is that we would receive some processes from
local systems (the parent systems were not up to the job or didn’t have the
resources, etc), and before these new child processes had been fully initialised, they were being forced to fork. And even if the forking wasn’tsuccessful, their internal states were getting a little screwed up because of the misuse.

Obviously, this meant that when those processes were later used in external systems, there were some problems with their stability.

These glitches had not been fixed before because “the boys upstairs”, although aware of them, were more interested in the system market-share than in quality control.

This has all gone public, though, so we’ve been ordered to take care of it and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

If you read their emails earlier, you’ll see that they’re blaming us for this snafu… see particularly the line that reads “we, as managers apologise for the behaviour of our admins”, LOL!!

Anyway – we’re distributing a new framework called POPE 2.0 beta (“Push
Our Policies on Everyone” 2.0 – which should be used from now on. This has some fairlystandard algorithms which check for misuse of system resources, which/really/ should have been put in place ages ago. But hey, bottom dollar!

So guys, let’s get this framework in place, and ask our users to forget about the problems with the systems that we’ve had – we promise that there are no bugs in the process now! (rotfl!)

If anyone outside asks about it, just say that those problems were withthe /old/ system which ran under a legacy system, BISHOP  3.7 – a bad policy, maybe, but it was fun while it lasted), and that the new system is much better and they should really upgrade…

thanks,
dev-dept

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Murphy Report Part 1

Murphy Report Part 2

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All Bock posts on the Murphy Report

  10 Responses to “IT Development Bishop Guys’, Like, Memo?”

Comments (10)
  1.  

    Thank you for this timely upgrade.

    We have been experiencing issues, particularly in our back-end processing where we experienced considerable processor overflow. We trust this issue has been resolved?

    Can you also confirm that this upgrade will also put a stop to the data leakage?

    Yrs etc.

  2.  

    Given the monopoly that the XIAN system has, it’s not surprising that it’s fairly low standard – after all, no-one else has the same marketing budget, so why bother!
    Atheism 2.6, created by a commie hippie from Finland, while obviously superior in every way, simply doesn’t have the same history of sheep-like followers that XIAN has, and has never had any real money behind it.

  3.  

    I must confess that I have tried Atheism 2.6, and find that it does have distinct advantages. There are far fewer legacy hang-ups and the conscience memory is completely cleared after each process. Is there any chance this feature could be included in POPE 2.1?

  4.  

    Unfortunately not – the base systems are not compatible. If you’d like something which has the benefits of both, then I’d recommend looking at Buddhism Pro – its basically the logical base of Atheism 2.x with parts of a XIAN-like support structure bolted on top.

  5.  

    And it’s open source.

  6.  

    I did try ISLAM 4.8.7 but I found it had an unnerving habit of self destructing without warning. I shall indeed try Buddhism Pro [I wonder if they do an evaluation version?].

    Many thanks for all your help.

  7.  

    Ì can get you a cracked version.

  8.  

    I don’t know if I would be happy running illegitimate Buddhism but thanks for the offer.

  9.  

    I blame it all on Version II, bring back the COBOL mass!

  10.  

    Just hold off until XIAN.2 launches next week. It overrides all local logics. Promises to be infallibly bugfree. Once again Prelate Software puts the solution in your hand!

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