The phone rang.
It was my lawyer, Gonad, howling in agony.
Gonad, I said. What the hell is wrong with you?
I’m in pain, he groaned.
Indeed, I said. What’s wrong?
I caught one of those new mutant STDs, he grunted. Spectroclap. Jesus it hurts. Oh God it fucking hurts. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!
I heard about them, I told him. There’s the purple gonborrhea, and the green herpes.
Yes, he gasped. I went to an office party last week, and you know how it goes. Drink. Photocopier room. Oh God!
You sound like you’re in serious pain, Gonad.
I am, he said. I’m screaming with the white syphilis.
More from Gonad.