If Iris Robinson Was in Fianna Fáil …

If I were Thee and Thee were me …

If Iris Robinson was a Fianna Fáil politician, how would she handle her  current problems?

Well, I suppose the first thing she’d have to do is  beat up her husband.

Then she’d probably appoint Iris’s pupil to some meaningless administrative position, paid for out of public funds, whether or not he had any qualifications for the job.  Obviously, if Iris had to travel anywhere exotic, the Boy would have to go along too.

If anyone asked about irregular financial transactions, Iris would have to accuse them of smearing her good name, of being anti-democratic and of trying to distract attention from the real issues.

If the government set up an inquiry, Iris should accuse that inquiry of being biased and of having an anti-Iris agenda.

If, for some reason, the money questions began to bite too hard, and people really insisted on knowing where the cash came from, Iris should claim to have won it at Bingo.

If that didn’t work, she should probably go on TV and give an interview in which she cries salt tears and tells the nation how badly this whole witch-hunt was affecting her and her family.

At some convenient point, she should break up with the Boy, but remain close friends and business associates.

And finally, when the clamour dies down, she should consider writing an  autobiography.

42 thoughts on “If Iris Robinson Was in Fianna Fáil …

  1. There are a lot of pubs where that young fella would never have to buy his own drink for the rest of his life.

    Spot-on Bock with the FF similarity, I had noticed it but you put it well. I wonder which irks Peter the most – knowing that Iris opened her knees for a young gaffer, or knowing that Iris has the political integrity and ethics of a Fianna Fail taoiseach?

    Backhander – I disagree about Iris for the Arus and I think the incumbent is doing fine.

    Nuts

  2. If Iris was in Fianna Fail, would she follow you around all night in Templebar ask you to come back to her hotel and ‘make love’ lol to her, tell you she’s 10 years younger than she is and divorced when she’s not, call you the following morning starting at 9.30am and proceed to leave four voice mails.. and a couple text messages… that’d be a a FF TD would be ugly ole fat Iris.

  3. just saying ‘If’ like.. about Iris.. ya know. :) Just wondering too, isn’t defamation when something is not true? :)

  4. SIngle, unmistakeable meaning Audrey: please respect the comments policy and do not make actionable statements about people on this site. Discussion ended.

  5. What person did I make actionable statements about again? Or am I too deliberately stupid to remember? Iris right? Ah Iris won’t mind I’m sure..

  6. She might break her leg on the ice, and gain extra sympathy.
    She might be interviewed by otherwise feisty journalists and have a cosy chat.
    If Iris were in FF, she might be a great woman altogether for getting things done.
    She might be a popular local heroine, a woman of the people.
    She would probably top the poll no bother.
    She would have to serve an apprenticeship in FF, but after a few decades if Iris were in FF she might lead us all.
    We’d vote for her no matter what she did, if Iris were in FF.

  7. Iris would always have a standby up her sleeve, Bock, like any good FFer.

    Audrey, read the post again.
    Iris could be the best FFer of them all, if she were in FF.

  8. Oh I see why it’s needs to be ended now Mairead .. Iris might not be too ‘stupid’ and can read between the lines and might not have a sense of humour about it at all.

  9. Audrey — Are you going to respect the policy of this site or not? It’s up to you.

    I will not explain this to you any further. Yes or no.

  10. If Iris were in FF she would use her sense of humour to laugh at the rest of us for voting for her.
    We’d still vote for her though.

  11. correct me if I am wrong and I know from your previous comments that you cannot post anything defamatory but is your blog on Iris not a juxtaposition for Bertie.

    Seriously I don’t get it the beat up your husband bit.

    regards

  12. Cathal – It’s a speculation on an impossible parallel universe where Iris Robinson is a member of Fianna Fáil. However you choose to interpret it is entirely up to you. I have no control over your thoughts or feelings.

  13. I don’t know what all the fuss is about I would’nt give her one with yours Bock…….
    Unless she was FF of course!!

  14. If Iris was in FF she would take the Gov jet to Paris, a chauffer to the Elysee, Have green tea with Sarkozy, jot down his recent bill criminalising shouting, nagging and being taken for granted in marriage or co habiting, rush back to Dublin and rush it through the Dail as an emergency before anyone defrosts , for the sake of stability of course.

  15. Dear President Iris.
    When you are elected I wish to open a riverside cafe in the Pheonix Park, usual arrangements? . We could call it the Repentant President.

  16. I heard a rumor that [deleted]
    This woman and her DUP mates belong with Ian Paisley ( In the pages of history) with all the other bigots
    that used to unlawfully control this small country for their own greed and benefit.

  17. Here’s something that isn’t a rumour. Posting defamatory statements on this site will get you banned for good.

  18. As Iris was a former party whip and (HEALTH) advisor for the DUP I find it more than suspicious that Iris retired due to ill health???
    If you leave due to ill health you get better financial severance pay and pension compared to leaving your job due to just being any old slapper…..
    If anyone does not know about her previous position I suggest you look it up on the internet along with the fact that Peter is a qualified estate agent.
    They have made a bucket load of money over the years for, to be honest not a great deal of work as stormont was suspended for years and years in the early days of their involvment in politics.
    Also as a member of DUP their mandate pretty much was NO/NEVER.
    Does this really warrant the vast sums as we the tax payers are forced to pay through our hard worked wages Catholic or Protestant? What do you think? Lets kick out all the Bigots in Northern/North of Ireland once and for all.
    I am going to start a Political Party and all my earnings are going on cross community projects who,s with me!

  19. Thats a bit strange Bock?
    Quite a lot of Tabloid newspapers have made more than a fair few quid on “rumors” some of which are true.
    Now I dont Know If the rumour in which I mentioned is indeed true I do Know that this rumour came from a reliable source from the widley regarded slanted RUC.
    Now even the most bigoted of people cannot deny that the RUC showed favourtisim to one section of the community over the other.
    This is not the incoherrant ramblings of a madman speaking but someone who is just mentioning the facts.

  20. Anyone is free to set up their own website, and I won’t try to tell them what to write there.

    However, if in my opinion, something defamatory is posted here, it will be removed immediately, regardless of how reliable its source might be. That’s the way it is and I ask all commenters to respect the policy.

  21. I do respect your policy.
    The trouble is that I never seen your policy before you mentioned it.
    Please dont reply that you can read it somewhere and it is in small print because if one thing annoys me more than Iris Robinson is small print LOL.

  22. If there’s one thing that annoys me it’s people saying LOL.

    The comments policy is at the top of the front page, in the About section. It’s in the same size font as everything else on the site.

    However, that’s irrelevant, since you now know that potentially defamatory statements should not be posted on this site and will be removed.

  23. Something my sister in law mentioned over dinner… ” what do Iris Robinson and IKEA have in common?”….. ” one dodgey screw and the whole cabinet collapses….

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