Mar 102010
 

Drink and sport. On the one hand both are incompatible, but by proxy they go hand in in hand.

For instance if Paul O’Connell or Brian O’Driscoll were to arrive back at the team hotel in the am’s before a European Cup final bug eyed from Heineken offering the excuse that they was merely out endorsing the sponsors product, they’d be dropped.

Paul and Brian are allowed to talk about the Heineken Cup, dream about the Heineken Cup, give high falutin interviews in which they get all misty eyed about the exploits of Heineken Cup teams past, but they are not allowed drink from the Heineken Cup, until they win it, by which stage their alcohol tolerance is so low it’s all over after one pint and they’re carted out into the Paddy Wagon feet first.

In Mexico City they refer to the Paddy Wagon as a mother’s heart – cos  there’s always room for one more.

Meantime, note the sheer genius of the marketing men at Heineken.They spotted years back that the vast majority of the population are woeful at all sports. We’re beyond useless, as bad as that full back that used ply his trade in the lower echelons of the Football League.

Said defender, a man responsible for three heart attacks and a general sense of unease and foreboding in the ground every time his name appeared on the starting eleven on the match programme, was so harebrained that when the ball would arrive at his feet thousands of anxious fans would scream one word in unison – “concentrate”.

The marketing geniuses at Heineken correctly identified that there are tens of thousands out there, millions even, that are good at drinking and pontificating about sport but absolutely hideous at playing it.

They also correctly identified that a tiny minority, freaks, are actually good at this sport lark, but useless at drinking. It was a no brainer. They used the latter as the vehicle to get the former on board and correctly anticipated that we’d do the drinking for them, whilst they provided the backdrop to our nights out courtesy of winning and training, discussing tactics and other such distractions.

But clever and all as the clever marketing men at Heineken are (and only men can combine drink and sport in such harmony) they didn’t factor Jesus Christ being done in by the Romans and the Irish judiciary into their equation.

Likewise, Limerick’s publicans may be left with no option but to prostrate themselves in front of M’lud and our learned friends in the hope of arriving at a Good Friday Agreement.

Publicans in the Treaty City are up in arms because rugby chiefs, (Celtic League arseholes I believe) in cahoots with TV, rescheduled the upcoming Munster v Leinster Magners League fixture for Good Friday (April 2) – the day the bars are closed.

One Limerick publican said that he was very incensed, while a second bar owner said he was more than very incensed. A third said that while he was incensed that he wouldn’t go as far as to say that he was more incensed than someone that was very incensed.  Nevertheless, he confirmed that he was incensed and would remain incensed, going forward.

Cllr Gerry McLoughlin, taking a sabbatical from exchanging pleasantries with match officials, stressed that he was the first to become incensed, adding that staging the game on Good Friday was a disgrace.

In further reaction from Limerick’s elected representatives, Mayor Kevin Kiely said – to tell you the truth I can’t remember what he said. No one ever can.

But why would anyone endorse a fixture that would deny a local economy millions?

We saw this recently when the FAI were offered a home game against Brazil but took the game to London, denying fans the opportunity to see their country at home, fancy that, and the local economy in Dublin millions.

Now rugby chiefs, and surely the IRFU have some say in this matter, are denying the local economy in Limerick an estimated 5m.

Then again, the IRFU is an organization that had no problem selling 80,000 tickets for their games at Croke Park but went away and built a virtual new Stadium at Lansdowne Road with a capacity for just 50,000. This takes quite a bit of forward planning and concentration.

Anyway, an RTE report suggests that some sort of special licence could be granted to the pubs in Limerick so rugby fans can get rodent pouted on the night of the match. Pubs in the rest of the country will be closed – unless they can arrange a rugby game?

So there you have it. An arsehole reschedules one of the key matches on the domestic calendar for the one other day of the year (along with Christmas Day) when the pubs are not allowed to open and watering holes in Limerick may now have to wait on the discretion of a judge to be allowed trade off the 26,000 thousands fans who will attend a game that was originally fixed for Saturday April 3rd – until above arsehole got involved and changed it back to April 2nd.

If the judge is a Catholic, and this decision could come down to one person and his emotional attachment to a Christian deity who was executed by the Romans a few thousand years ago, then Limerick’s publicans could end up losing millions in the teeth of a recession, and all because we have not fully separated Church and State in this country.

The Romans are also to blame for killing Jesus. What did the Romans ever do for us by the way?

The law banning the selling of alcohol on Good Friday and Christmas Day was first introduced in 1927, back in the days when the crozier hovered over the land, back in the days before the clever marketing men at Heineken spotted an opening in the market.

But hold on, I have a solution. Why doesn’t the arsehole that rearranged this fixture pull it back another 24 hours to April 1st, a date that would be entirely appropiate given the almighty fuck up they’ve caused by interfering with the original date in the first place.

Another solution would be to drop all of this Good Friday lark and start behaving like a liberal European democracy. But that would be just mad in a 21st century society, wouldn’t it Ted?

Incidentally , drink will be on sale inside Thomond Park on the night of the match but not outside the ground. Try explaining that to Johnny Foreigner.

Meanwhile, from a sporting perspective, what fuckwit pencilled in this fixture – face it, if Munster and Leinster meet in tag rugby game at this stage they’ll be trying to murder each other – a week before both provinces are involved in crucial European Cup games?

Did above fuckwit imagine that Munster, who’ve qualified for the knockout stages of the European Cup for the last two thousand years, and defending European champions Leinster, would not reach the business end of the blue riband tournament of European club rugby?

Only in Ireland.

  16 Responses to “Munster’s Good Friday Rugby Game”

Comments (15) Pingbacks (1)
  1.  

    Will priests still be able to have a swig of the vino at mass before staggering out to the match? A great read Mr.Seconds.

  2.  

    Forget about Johnny Foreigner, will someone try explaining it to me!

    ::

  3.  

    The selling of alcohol on Good Friday and Christmas Day was first introduced in 1927.. 1927 FFS.. have we not progressed since then? – No Dougal, you live in Ireland.

  4.  

    Mr. Darwin, Buy us drink and we will explain – send, more, paramedics.

    Mr. Mule taker, is church wine non alcohol. etc etc?

    If Mr Sniffle is out there, ye better do the business for me tonight at OT. I’ve 20 on Utd at 8/11 to win,
    the price of 2.97 pints back.

  5.  

    On top of the pomposity that goes with sporting politics here we have this to contend with : http://www.limerickleader.ie/news/Watching-rugby-on-Good-Friday.6139819.jp.
    . So, not only are we cunts for wanting a tall frosty one to enjoy the game we are also doomed to hell for wanting to watch the game in the first place

  6.  

    Jesus Ronwan, if Jesus was alive he’d be out at the game, obviously singing the Fields.

  7.  

    I see those Franciscan maniacs think we’re all damned for going to the match

  8.  

    It’s my ball and I’m not playing!

  9.  

    It certainly wasn’t non alcoholic when I were a lad.Maybe it’s real blood these days.

  10.  

    You’re right seconds this anachronism should be done away with. What do people on do on Good Friday now? Have a fucking party!

    Oh, and I’m surprised the vintners haven’t threatened to boycott Bulmers / Magners / whatever the fuck it’s called as a result of this. That would get things changed.

    BTW which Celtic league fuckwit is responsible for this crap scheduling?

  11.  

    Oh Mr Out, how very dare you suggest that the Eton game by the wall could and should be played in Redemptorist limerick on the commemorative day of a crucifixion? And to suggest the Holy Thursday as a make weight where religion might be concede home advantage through the Agony in Gethsemane, well Mr. Out, your sedality credits are no longer.

    Folks, it’s science, it’s fact, it’s real, as real as the truth on the net, players fumble more balls on holy days, miss more tackles and generally fuck up more things than on normal non-religious days. Case in point is that bollix Michael Jones, the cunt refused to play on his Sabbath cause he knew this too, and deprived the all blacks many more days success.

    And if you needed another, well I was forced to play badly on Sundays in junior matches and what happened to me? No international honors. ( It’s all about me )

    People , listen please, rugby is not meant to be played on Good Fridays, too much bad karma and wissibidoes flying around causing unforced errors and Tracy Piggott to wobble more.
    Nothing should happen on Good Fridays, absolutely nothing. If you’re bored, stare at the sun and have a holy hallucination. Thirsty? Drink cold tea. Hungry? Two, only, collations (check it) and if you should be lucky and wake on a horn, well deny yourself this Christmas luxury in Easter, cause you got nothing to play with from Santa.

    Mr. Out, Wayne now heads the ball like Mick Jagger used to sing Satisfaction, with elegance, purpose and much sexual desire. Wayne Rooney should never head the ball on Good Friday, we would all go to hell.

  12.  

    And the article was excellent

  13.  

    Brilliantyly put as always Mr Sniffle, and I noticed that a lot of the fans at OT were wearing green and yellow scarfs tonight in recognition of Newton Heath and in protest at the Glaciers. They won me the price of a few also, God bless them.

    I’m not 100% who was responsible for this Mark – 90% sure it was the Celtic League crowd – but Good Friday is nonsense in above regard. Everyone goes to work on that day anyway, but no one can have a drink in a bar. Madness.

  14.  

    So the immediate issue is the ban on the sale of alcohol.

    Quick. Someone run off a 100,000 ‘coupon’ books. Pre-pay for your pints before the day itself. If there’s no actual money involved it can’t be a sale.

    Not ideal I know but until the constitution (and a few bishops for good measure) are put to the flame it’ll have to do.

  15.  

    Coupons…Good idea HQ.

    Incidentally, I was reminded last night that when JP2 visited Limerick back in 1979, the pubs were allowed to stay open throughout the night, yep, no bother then serving drink around the clock and beyond dawn once we had the hierarchys top brass with sequins calling in for a prayer session.

    Wonder would the Monks of Monaster-Moyross have picketed the saloons back then?

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