Spartacus
By Bock Mar 7th, 2010 | | Category: Film
Put yourself in that position.
Here comes the American centurion and he wants to know which one is Spartacus so that Laurence Olivier can drill holes in his teeth.
Where’s Spartacus? Does he live, or where’s his corpse?
Tony Curtis, the idiot, jumps up and says I’m Spartacus.
Why?
What kind of a fool is Tony Curtis? There are thousands of dead guys all over the field, and he could point to any one of them. That’s Spartacus.
The English Romans would be happy and they’d all go home.
But no.
I’m Spartacus, says Tony.
Why?
It puts the other Viking in a tough position. No. I’m fucking Spartacus.
And that drags the rest of the lads into it.
I’m Spartacus.
I’m Spartacus.
I’m Spartacus.
I’m Spartacus.
Right, says the Romans, we’ll crucify the whole fucking lot of ya.
What’s going on with these guys? Haven’t they got family to look after? Kids? Mothers? Aunties?
What’s this I’m Spartacus shit?
If I was down there in the heel of Italy, with Doctor Mengele on a horse threatening to drill holes in my teeth and an American centurion hammering a cross together, I’d be pointing at dead guys: That’s Spartacus. He’s dead.
And if that didn’t work, I’d be pointing at the two Vikings.
He’s fucking Spartacus. Now let me alone.
Excellent point I’d say “I’m Maximus Decimus Meridius and they all look like Spartacus to me, up the Romans!”
“Your father was a Woman?”
It’s funnier when you read it.
Haven’t seen the movie..so stupid question but what the hell did Spartacus do at all that they wanted to drill holes in his teeth..
@Old Knudsen: LOL! thank you. fucking brilliant.
That scene always reminds me of the crucifix scene in Life Of Brian: “I’m Spartacus, and so’s my wife!”
Romanes Eunt Domus!