I was standing at the check-out tonight waiting to pay for my meagre provisions and the woman ahead of me was putting away some groceries. But she wasn’t doing what most people do in the same circumstances. She wasn’t handing the check-out person a card or money so that he could get on with ringing up the payment while she put the rest of her things in the bags.
As we all stood there watching, she put the groceries one by one into her shopping bags, carefully, and then, only when they were all put away, did it strike her that perhaps she might have to pay.
So she opened her handbag, took out a purse, and counted the money, penny by penny, as we all watched, and then she put the change and the receipt back into her fucking purse, and put the bastard purse back in her motherfucking handbag and closed the scumsucking motherfucker of a bastard fucking handbag then slowly picked up the whole lot and wandered off while the rest of us were having a stroke.
Multitasking? Fuck, no.
This happens to me all the time.
I’m walking down the street and I decide to get some money from the ATM, but just as I approach it, a highly-trained cash-denial unit steps from behind a parked car with four different cards, checks the balance on every fucking one before withdrawing notes and then puts them all back in for more money just when I think it’s my turn.
Yes. I confess. I am the ATM killer and I’ll go quietly, officer. It was worth it to see the bastard’s face as I pushed his feet through the money-slot.
I think there are thousands of them out there, all waiting to screw up my day.
When I’m in a hurry on the road, some 93-year-old lunatic with a hat drives out in front of me in a Morris Minor at four miles an hour, and he’s well briefed on my journey. He has a GPS programmed with my travel plans and he takes every turn I’m going to. The later I am, the more he gets paid.
If I’m getting on a bus, some fool ahead of me is astounded that he has to pay and spends ten minutes looking for money, while the rest of us have been holding the exact sweaty change for the last ten minutes, to save fucking time! He gets a bonus if he delays the bus so long it’s overtaken by the next one.
There’s a vast, subversive, time-thieving conspiracy out there, run by an evil, cat-stroking, fat, well-spoken, evil genius.
I don’t know why he does it, but that’s evil genii for you.
It drives me crazy.
I won’t even begin to talk about the shit you have to go through on the phone listening to fucking Greensleeves when you want to complain that a TV ad ate your dog (and not in a good way).
If they’re not making you wait, they’re getting in your way.
I’m sick of it. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take any more.
How do you feel about it? Am I the only one they do this shit to?