When Boy Hates Girl

It isn’t easy to stay quiet when your friend is shagging a guy who detests you

A good friend of mine has recently acquired a new boyfriend. She is happy, that’s great. He looks nothing like her last one, but there is one thing in common. This one hates me too.

For some strange reason, the boyfriends of my girlfirends have at different times, not taken a shine to me. By not taken a shine I mean, they really didn’t like me.

I would get a finger pointed at me (indirectly, through my female friend).

Over time I’ve done some deciphering into the art of what it really means when someone doesn’t like you, in this way. Because it is awkward, your friend wants you to get on, but not too much.

Of course, to tell your girlfriend that you don’t like their boyfriend is a minefield. You may as well jump out of a plane flying over an erupting volcano. Been there, done that, didn’t work out. As Jack Nicholson said in Mars Attacks “Can’t we all just get along?”

Here’s what I figure, some things mean

Girlfriend says: He thinks you hate him

Means: He hates you

Girlfriend says: He thinks you’re full of yourself

Means: He loves himself and hates it that I haven’t noticed his hair/chest/car

Girlfriend says: He thinks you’ve no sense of humour

Means: He hates it that your jokes are funnier than his and that you undermine him, even in your sleep

Girlfriend says: He thinks you’re a lesbian

Means: He hates that you don’t fancy him and secretly wants to bone you, actually thinking of you while he’s with her

I had a painfully long dislike affair with the now ex of the aforementioned friend. I did my best to like him but some things just never worked.

First was his painfully fake Dablin accent, the long drawn out drawl of each vowel as if there were marbles rolling around in his mouth. Secondly he didn’t like me and lodged all of the above complaints at head office. Thirdly, he was stingy. If there’s one unattractive lack of quality in a person it’s stinginess. He once turned up empty handed to a birthday party and proceeded to help himself from the fridge while harping on about property prices. We were all transfixed by his three-quarter length pants and painfully white legs clad in carefully chosen sports socks.  The ones that barely come up to the top of your runners.  Some people, mainly women, can wear these. When a man does it, it’s a deal breaker.

My girlfriend was sharing my house with me at the time, so this person that I liked so little was often in my house. Ouch, that was a hard time. One night I got home late and the lights were out so I made my way upstairs.  It was a carpeted stairs so the sound was little. Then I heard it: muffly noises coming from their bedroom.  Muffly noises and squeaks of furniture, but low ones. They were at it.

I couldn’t resist, so I sat on the floor outside their room, intrigued by the fact that my friend and this man managed to copulate.

Slap.

Small moan

Slap

Small, bored, moan

Slap

Uuuhh

The sound was slightly miserable. Like a bored nun rhythmically, but slowly hitting a sardine off a damp plate.

I sniggered, snorted a bit maybe

Slap

Uuhhh

I went off to bed, laughing to myself.

Some months of arguing and boredom later they broke up. I bought a new car to celebrate.

You didn’t like him did you? she said.   Why didn’t you say so?

____________

Val’s Kitchen

20 thoughts on “When Boy Hates Girl

  1. Most times when men say you’re full of yourself they just mean they think you’re full of yourself. luckily for me i like all my friends wives but even if i didn’t i’d fain an interest in them and get on with it, girls aren’t the only ones that can fake it. Partners come and go, and they nearly always go it’s just a matter of playing the waiting game, but true friendship stands the test of time.

  2. Nobody feels comfortable under scrutiny and judgement of girlfriend / boyfriend / partners ,, Maybe a bit more acceptance of friends choices could make life easier for everyone.
    ” I sat on the floor outside their room, intrigued by the fact that my friend and this man managed to copulate ”
    You might give that one up, Apart from the disrespect for your house sharing friends privacy, Thats just weird and creepy.

  3. @Norma, I agree with you that it’s creepy and weird. It was many years ago when I indulged in this pervy moment and never again. Sometimes sharing means telling ikky parts of our humanity that we’re not too proud of. Duly noted

  4. Val. Too true ! Plenty ikky part’s for all of us !
    With a fairly big family, I have had all manner of humanity come through our door, Some less human than others , I suppose with age and hopefully a gathering of a small degree of wisdom, I am now just observant as opposed to observing,
    Thanks though for the clarification.

  5. Nothin ikky about that Val.. thought it was kinda funny myself.
    It’s big business these days Norma.. those ” weird and creepy” things.. :)
    And I think a boyfriend has no business taking a dislike to any of his girlfriend’s friends..unless he’s a prick of course. He should just make the effort.. he should be worshipping the ground you walk on, and that of your friends.. :)

  6. All slap and no tickle, very interesting Val

    Is it a control thing?. How often in relationships do the new boy / girlfriend try to exclude the friends and confidants of their latest squeeze. Unfortunately I`ve seen this too often.
    However the most perverse I`ve ever seen was one close friend who “turned” his partner into a harridan. As it happened I`d known and liked this girl for years, I married her best friend. So I found it somewhat surprising to be told she didn`t like me or any of our friends. The pattern developed, invitations declined, Johnny wasn`t allowed to breathe without her permission. In the end we considered ourselves lucky to be invited to their wedding.

    Some years later at a wedding having not seen this couple for years ( always her fault ) I decided to to address this major human rights issue. I accused the girl in question , in front of witnesses including her husband, of being a battle-axe and a control freak. As I made these allegations I noticed my friend trying to slide under the table. As it transpired the whole control thing was a figment of my friends imagination and his wife was forever telling him to go for a pint with his old mates. Apparently Johnny`s mammy was a real battle-axe and he was trying to reinvent her.

  7. FME ‘he should be worshipping the ground you walk on’ what century are you living in? Fella’s don’t do that these days unless they get something in return and the pay off has to be much more then just sex, sure you can get that anywhere.

  8. Morning guys :) LL I reckon FME is being tongue in cheek with the “ground worshipping”, if not I don’t object to a bit of it every now and again.
    Though it does seem more commonplace these days to treat the person your dating with some sort of “you’re an inconvenience, but I’ll put up with it for a ride and I expect you to put up with my irritating habits too”.
    All this opening up of old “friends and their partners speak” reminds me of a more significant time when I lived in another country with a group of Irish mates. A very close friend hooked up with a girl, nice girl and all was well, he was besotted and getting regular sex for the first time, fair enough. Over time, things changed and the usual “let downs” began. Our friend got slagged for being “pussy whipped” and she got branded a beeatch. I figured it takes two to make a relationship. If one appears to be Yoko Ono in our eyes we have to consider the fact that our friend may be blissfully happy.
    We ended up having a complete falling out and didn’t speak for years. Imagine my surprise when, one day out of the blue, I get an e-mail to ask did I want to meet up. I was nervous, this was a significant person in my life. “You were right” he said “She was nuts”. I didn’t jump around or say “Yay, I’m right”. I could see he was in a lot of pain and with three kids to think about, being right was irrelevant.
    The great divide between friends and “partners” seems to be the ability to put things aside and start again. As friends we have less expectations, and therefore less disappoinments.
    If we could apply this model to our intimate relationships things might go smoother?

  9. I heard a wise man on doctor phil yesterday say fella’s don’t cheat on they’re friends so if you can form a friendship he won’t cheat on you, i know a bit off topic but a good observation i thought. Val anybody that breaks up with there partner nearly always thinks they’re crazy after the break up. I think you’re right about having to put things aside for the sake of friendship. But like i already said luckily for me my friends wives and myself are all friendly, they come everywhere they’re husbands and never get irritating, i honestly have genuine love for them. I still haven’t figured how that happened.

  10. .. ‘he should be worshipping the ground you walk on’. ‘Why’? Because he just should. Strange huh? :)
    It was tongue in cheek, but what’s wrong with it. All it means is to love and admire someone very much.. do nice things for them.. etc. Could apply to both sexes equally.
    LL, nothing wrong with a little chivalry is there? Is that out dated, yeah?
    ‘if you can form a friendship he won’t cheat on you’.. yeah right, very wise. If he’s a dog, he’s a dog.. only a leash will work, not friendship. :)

  11. Nothing wrong with what you say at all fme but being a male i almost always take things literally, i don’t think someone who cheats is a dog i just think none of us were made for one partner for life not to say that it’s right to cheat. This is the problem as i see it why keep somebody on a ‘leash’ why would you want that stress they’ll only resent you in the end. Walk the town any day of the week and you’ll see the miserable bag carrying types who just don’t want to be there.

  12. Yeah, breaking the news that your mates new boyfriend is a prickarse can be ropey alright…

    I find it’s best to get it in at the start but also mention that of course you’re going to keep an open mind.

  13. Well Val Bites. This is an interesting post.
    I would unhesitatingly tell my friend to remove him or herself from my circle until they had got the idiot out of their system; how ever long it took to achieve that. I would expect no less from my friends should I be the panting one.
    To be a friend to someone is to love that someone. Simple shit. Nothing complicated about it. It’s probably why true friends are few in everyone’s life. There are exceptions of course and those who have lots of true friends are blessed, but always; friends do not dump shit on you. Consider that perhaps and review your friendships in earnest.

  14. This is a strange but interesting post, Mostly because we all encounter such situations and feelings toward the chosen boyfriends / girlfriends of friends, Essentially though its none of our businness who our friends choose to become intimate with.
    It seems to unleash all manner of feelings and opinions, Threats percieved, mannerisms dissected, behaviour criticised and then the dance of loyalty and openess which we normally give of freely, suppressed.
    The danger signs are usually detected via changes in behaviour of our friends when ” interloper ” is present, But rather than rush to the judgement, Maybe we should question why we believe we have the right to judge somebody elses choices in the first place.
    What works for other people isn’t our place to decide, Its real friendship that can sustain the processes and percieved failures of those we call friends.
    I also tend to make fairly literal interpretations of what people say, and i’m not male, I might be a bit hung up on words but I believe people should at least try to say exactly what they mean and not skirt around with useless use of language, Which is why I also think that ” worship ” ( albeit tongue in cheek ) has no place in human relationships, As it is unrealistic, unsustainable and immeasurable.
    It can be a very emotive process when we feel a friend has made a poor choice, It gets dangerous though for that friendship if we fail to honestly assess that part of the judgement we form on other people is based on our own experiences and interpretations and possibly completly unrelated to the needs, wants and desires of our friends.

  15. If worship was to be taken literally, what that would actually mean I wonder? Like S & M or something? I suppose I couldn’t object to that every now and then either.. :)
    ‘I sniggered, snorted a bit maybe’ ‘I went off to bed, laughing to myself.’… ha ha..
    Val you should have opened the door, getting some finger pointing revenge back.. point at him and scream whaaaaa haahaa and left!

  16. Is that what I think it is in the photograph?
    You should not concern yourself with the justifying the remarks passed on by former girlfriend as regards third party’s opinion of you. Say nothing. Buy her a deep tissue massager and a pack of Duracells. Nuff said!

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