Virgin Mary Goes on the Net

The apparition that keeps on giving.

I see Joe Coleman is back again, predicting apparitions of his favourite demi-god, the Virgin Mary, who was due to appear yesterday.

This time, however, the Knock Shrine people told him to get stuffed, so poor Joe had to kneel outside the church and grin at the sky with  his eyes closed.  Sensible old Joe.   Unlike the crowd of knackers he enticed to Mayo last time, Joe knows the sun blinds you.

He issued this appeal  to his followers, and not without good reason, considering the behaviour of the gang of pikeys he attracted the last time:

I would urge everyone who attends tomorrow to please show respect for the Knock Shrine and the people who run it. Not only in terms of the way people behave, including litter management, noise, and keeping safe at all times but I would also urge people to dress appropriately.

That, translated, means no boob-tubes, no mini-skirts, no stilettoes, no changing babies and throwing the shitty things on the ground, no getting drunk, no screaming your favourite Celine Dion songs in the church.  In fact, trying not to behave like the crowd of pikeys you are.

Joe says that he received yet another message from the virgin Mary, but if you want to see it, you’ll have to read it on his website.  I think this might be due to copyright issues with the BVM’s agents.  Apparently, IMRO have been calling on people who spoke the messages out loud, demanding royalties.

There you have it.  The virgin Mary has decided to abandon the old people and speak exclusively through the internet, probably because the young ‘uns have lost the faith.  There’s going to be a lot of stuff cooming down the line.  Already, the people at Apple have produced a BVM app for the iPhone.  iBelieve.

In addition, especially for Joe and his followers, there will be a number of other apps.  i’mAFuckingEejit.  iSwallowAnyOldShit and i’MBlind.

Joe’s grasp of theology is somewhat tenuous.  I don’t know if the Blessed Virgin actually designed his website or just provided consultancy, but even the most rabid Catholic Marian-cultist doesn’t claim that the BVM is divine.  Yet here we have on Joe’s celestial website, a section called Divine Messages.

Now look.  I’m not a believer, but I know a bit about Catholic teaching, and they do not say that Mary is a god.

What could this be?  Is it just a mistake, or is the BVM planning a takeover using Joe as a stalking horse?  Is that it?

Maybe the Virgin Mary isn’t so innocent after all.  It seems to me that the old girl has already started to think like the real boss:

I am sad for my priests at the Holy Shrine of Knock. You must inform my people to pray for them on Tuesday 11 May next. You must request that my Most Holy Rosary be said for all my priests at Knock.

Get that?  My priests?  My priests!

I think Joe is actually a Bond-movie henchman and I think this could make the best Bond movie of all time, as the Virgin Mary tries to take over the world and overthrow God.  From Galilee With Love.

If Bond isn’t interested, I’ll have to take on the fight myself.  I can’t wait to hear the Virgin Mary saying Very clever Mr Bock, but not clever enough, mwoohahaha, as she sits in a swivel chair stroking her pet.

______________

Previously

The rise of the idiot classes

Knock apparition

Virgin discovered in Rathkeale

Knock Virgin Mary Appparition

4 thoughts on “Virgin Mary Goes on the Net

  1. Damn it bock, sometimes the obvious must be said…

    …Very clever Mr Bock, but not clever enough, mwoohahaha, as she sits in a swivel chair stroking her pussy.

    It’s always a pussy, never a greyhound or a tortoise, has to be a pussy.

  2. You bastard BOCK.

    I was doing so well. ‘Till I got to the app;
    iBelieve.

    You caught me there.
    Bustin’ my fucking bollix laughing still.

    You iFuckin; bollix you.

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