Making a tit of myself

Another aaaarrrggghh moment

I’ve been whizzing about town on my old bike lately, for a few days now and I love it. I got this rothar when I was just 13 years old and used it to go to and from school, and home for lunch like most of us did “in those days”, aaargh, middle youth moment there. It’s almost as if there are more hours in the day as, a dedicated walker, I get everywhere faster now. Hmm, genius I hear you say, get on with it.

Being unfit as I am, I’m also finding that there is more oxygen going around my brain so that when I got off my bike, I’m just a teeny bit light headed. I’m using the bike to just go around and do errands and stuff so I stopped off to book myself an appointment at the hairdressers.

Bike locked, in I walk all smiley, and, I imagine, windswept and interesting looking. To say that the woman behind the counter is a dolly bird is an understatment. But I’ve seen her lots of times before and I always tell her how great she looks and she’s a dote to boot so that’s all fine. She also has the torso of a pole dancer, if you get my drift, and if either gravity has passed her by or I need the name of her surgeon.

Her dress today was particularly revealing. Another understatement. With the perfect spray tan across her chest and the almost nipple-showing black number I said to myself “Jesus, don’t say anything, I know, say nice dress, ok, that’ll do”.

Hi love how are you?, she chirplily beams through perfect white teeth.

Breasts, I say.

Oh Jesus. Oh no, not again, I’ve done this before.

God, sorry. I blurt out. Ah, I mean your dress is nice. The girl behind her is stiffling a snort.

Ah sure it’s a compliment, she says sweetly. I want to die. She taps away on the keyboard. I want to leave.  Instead my mouth keeps on talking.

I’m not even a man, I slur. Of course you’d probably kill me if I was. Please let me go now. The girl behind her is nodding.  Stop it I say to myself.

Sure it’s double the compliment in that case.

I cringe, I’ve made myself want to throw up.

At least I manage to get the words out to ask her for a blow dry, and nothing else

10 thoughts on “Making a tit of myself

  1. haha Val.. that’s too funny.
    Definitely too much work for me to be a dolly bird. These girls must spend two hours getting ready in the morning. Do guys really like that look anyways.. I tell myself the natural look is in. :)
    About the gravity passing her by.. that’d be a wonder bra.

  2. I feel your pain Val.

    You know the way everybody in France does that double kiss on the cheek thing?
    Well they don’t, not everyone, and especially not the girls who work in the bank!

  3. Le craic are you saying that you tried to snog a girl working in the bank? Sacré Bleu! But was she wearing a bra?

  4. I finished opening my account, and as I had done with every other girl I had said hello or goodbye to since I came to France I went to do the kiss on the cheek. I didn’t know! I mean you arrive in the country and it kinda takes you back a bit at first, then you say Hey, not a bad custom this, and the next thing you know you’re being shouted at in the bank! They could put up signs or something…

  5. “At least I manage to get the words out to ask her for a blow dry”

    I would have gone wrong there Val .

    There’s a Polish hot chick works in that coffee place and she makes me go vovid all the time – American beauty moments.

  6. Its the weather, we had no summer for three years so now we can’t handle it. There is a visable skin overload, you need to get sunglasses and very baggy shorts.

  7. @ de fan, are you saying I’ve got a big arse? I am nit of the male persuasion so therefore can be turned on and not embarass myself too much with visible signs. Touching ones self in public can lead to problems though, one quick walk down Parnell street usually quells any feelings of desire

  8. It was only a quess?
    The baggy shorts are for comfort on the bike.
    I will now back out the door, before I get myself into more trouble.

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