The World Cup

Greatest show on Earth? Not on your vuvuzela!

What.The.Fuck sports fans!
The greatest show on earth?
More like the greatest shambles. The highlight so far has been the Slovenian goal celebration which must be the gayest celebration since … well, I can’t remember one. It looked like ring a ring a rosy for central European men who really should know better.
Where are the great players Bill, where is the passion and give it a lash attitude?
The Algerian goalkeeper whose hair is funnier than the goal he let in
Messi earned me nul points in fantasy football where I now bottom feed at 2998th. I’ve asked for transfers from those who know better, replacements for Buffon, Cannavaro and Sneider. I asked and they told me yes, you’re still omnipotent in fantasy football, sign Caesar and some other South American bozos who earned me more nul points – thanks 10 and 13 year old expert sons. Call of Duty – Modern Warfare II continues to reign supreme over FIFA 2010.
There is Argentina of course, Germany maybe and last night the Brazilians showed some touches but Jesus H, the world cup, this is the fucking world cup.
So all my eggs now into Alonso and Xabi’s basket for today’s clash against the disciplined Swiss, bankers and bloody horologists, who surely cannot hold the best midfield ever. Their definite shape and form against the Spanish creativity which must have a better chance than Limerick against Cork this coming weekend.
I passed the Algerian goalkeeper and his peroxide blond bowel head on his sulkie last weekend – on the Dublin road. There was something homo erotic yet Limerick scumbaggish about the Algerian team with their preening and pouting and too tight shirts and high-lighted number ones.
The Dutch, well what can you say except that there are no rumours of discontent in the camp and the coach is still there, so far, but scorpion-like they cannot deny themselves. Watch this space sports fans.
I’m saying nothing about Engerland cept they had the best ever ever world cup song for Italia 90 with New Order and Johnny Barnes.  I know David Cameron apologised yesterday and that this should help me in my efforts getting over the 700 years of oppression, but NO, that’s still the big NO and I will continue to support Outer Mongolia or Northern Korea if they play them. Fucking crying Gazza eyes and Bobby bloody Moore (one of the best though).
Brazil – the abandonment – the babes – the thongs  – the luxury of expression – the poverty escape that the beautiful game is in Rio – Ronnie’s not there though, but the kid who thought he signed for Manchester United is and so is the naughtily named Kaka .  Banana kicks and chachachas and my heart and soul.
Maradona is there too, smirking at Capello and waiting in the long grass. Recently the Engerlanders voted his goal, the one directly after the hand of god, as the best world cup moment of 100 best moments. Masochists are us, really. Enjoy his liposuctioned, rehabbed and substance-free body  doing keepy uppy on the side lines and better than any other save strangely his cult figure nemesis ,  li’l Lionel, who hopefully will set the tournament alight and rob him of his legendary status .
That bastard Henri.
That’s all.

45 thoughts on “The World Cup

  1. Did anyone notice Henry appealing for a handball against U-are-gay? He got a lot of flak for that. God only knows why. Surely this is a man that knows a handball when he sees it. He’s some neck. Only warming up at the moment Mr Sniffle. England have yet to provide hope, followed by defeat, bitter recriminations and at least five people being handed a P-45 on foot of a penalty shoot out exit. Anyone fancy Germany? Football is a simple game said Franz Beckenbauer – two teams play for 90 minutes and then the Germans win.

  2. The reign of Spain plainly on the wane – haha – if I had you in front of me .

    24 shots to 8 with 65 % possession – Spain had .

    A win against the run of play but an improvement in quality .

    Fucking horologists .

    Fucking work though, getting in the way of important stuff.

    Warming up okay Mr Out – but we’re used to a goal fest a bit of class before the clam up for the play offs.

    Fucking work .

  3. Soccer is the most boring game on earth.. I read a group of Dutch girls were kicked out of the stadium for wearing orange mini skirts. That’s sexist. About the most exciting thing to happen so far though.

  4. They were kicked out of the stadium for advertising a Dutch beer, but I agree with you. I’m all in favour of attractive young ladies in mini-skirts.

  5. @ Seconds Out: Not being pedantic (well, maybe a little) the comment was actually made by Gary Lineker after Germany knocked England out in the semi-final after penalties in 1990:
    “Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win.”

    A prophesy for 2010?

    Some of the comments quoted there are well worth reading, even if one of the best recent ones is missing. It’s from the great intellectual of German football, Lukas Podolski:
    “Football is like chess, only without dice …”

  6. One comment really – and if you believe that (smiley there ) – one comment for the moment though, ultimately, football is the most important social experiment on the planet since its inception. Anyone who detracts from this or disses the beautiful game needs a hug but deserves a dig.

    Today it started to get good.

    Happy days.

  7. ‘most important social experiment on the planet since its inception’.. what would that be. that men can play with balls and prance around like fairies. fascinating. I’d happily take a dig than watch it..

  8. As a German Jew living in Ireland it is a strange experience to visit Germany during this flag waving and anthem singing World Cup euphoria. However, I have to say that the Germans do have a young, talented and determent team of footballers – Schweinsteiger, Podalski, Klose, Ozil, Mueller, Lahm and Cacau, who pulled off a “veni, vidi, vici”.

    Will Germany win the World Cup? Who knows? Despite their World Cup bonafides, some of the German players have had a pretty miserable Bundesliga seasons, especially Podolski and Klose. Then again, past performances not necessarily predict an accurate outcome. Everything is possible as we witnessed with Switzerland’s 1-0 victory over European champions and World Cup favourites Spain.

    Obviously Australia is not going to be the ultimate benchmark for the German team as they will encounter much more difficult opponents, but the game was a good warm up.

    Nonetheless, it was one of the only games that didn’t actually put viewers to sleep in this otherwise boring and uneventful first week of the World Cup.

    I read that British bookmakers cut the odds on Germany winning their fourth World Cup to 9-1 from 12-1 immediately after the match.

  9. I reckon North Korea will win it out. As reported by the Pyongyang Times – byline Dear Leader – they rammed home four goals without reply, one an 85 yard volley which found the net off the underside of the bar, against the decadent boys from Brazil. The goal scorer, Zing Zang Zing Moriarty, said after the game that they had a long “fright” to SA with only “flied lice” for sustenance, adding he was inspired by Dear Leader, who taught him how to strike a ball on the volley from an early age. “Dear Leader volley home long time”, he was quoted as saying by Reuters.

  10. North Korea? I know you know your sports and I know you have your passions, but I don’t think an Asian coutry will win World Cup, not this time around. But they do have cute female fans, don’t they?

  11. On the ball Seconds.. I reckon N.Korea could win it too. They didn’t do too badly against the Brazilians.. they could have even won the game if they scored two more goalies.. Mr. Zing Zang Zing Zang Moriarty will be loved very long time back home.

  12. @ idf soldiergirl – sage views – but what’s an honest broker doing here on THIS site ? – hahaha . Funny how that’s always seems true about German teams in any tournament . Showing my ignorance ( why stop now? ) but ,” Cacau, who pulled off a “veni, vidi, vici””, what was that about? Spain I hope, cause I love happy endings, stay in. They play such a clever and skillful game which for the most part, and in my head, lacks cynicism ( not saying it’s not present ) and brave too .

    FME – I think the lady doth protest too much and that you can been seen above in Cals or the Boro on freezing November Sunday morning, playing left mid-field gracefully.

    Mr. Out, surreal and how come no one has mentioned dogs in any of these profound Korean insights.

    I will not trouble any of you, anymore, with my fantasy football hell.

  13. What Sniffle.. Leave my Leaba after only getting home mostly like at about 5am to go watch a bunch of fairies prance around a ball in the pissin rain.. I dothn’t be thinking so. I suppose I should support the youngest bro.. he plays for Limerick I think or is it Fairview.. not sure.. he’s played for both.. I hear when he scores some goalies and I do the obligitory congrats.

    Veni, vidi, vici would mean he came, saw and conquered.. in other words he kicked a ball. :)

  14. Viva la Mexico! Break out the Tequila. The Boys in Green beat the cheating Frogs tonight and it looks like they (Frogs) will be going home, not in disgrace, but in total disgrace. One of the Mexican goals was marginally offside also to put the icing on the cake. Happy days.

    There are no dogs in Korea Mr Sniffle, except on the menu.

  15. Got a text during the match – ( which i then had to google )

    Henri le cunt.

    Spanish English
    La cucaracha, la cucaracha, The cockroach, the cockroach,
    ya no puede caminar can’t walk anymore
    porque no tiene, porque le falta because it doesn’t have, because it’s lacking
    las dos patitas de atrás. its two back feet.

  16. I’m sure you’re aware, Mr Sniffle, that Cucaracha has other connotations which we need not go into here.

  17. actually not until you mentioned it Bock – must do some research.

    Anyway context is everything and Thierry is most definetly a flying home type of petit cockroach cunt.

  18. England, a consistent source of World Cup amusement since that black day at Wembley in 66,
    have upgraded their abject capitulation to Germany from, Humiliation, to Shame, to, National Catastrophe, Humiliation and Shame – and the search for adjectives to describe the sheer awfulness of their performances in South Africa is continuing according to The Sun, who told Cappello to “Clear Off and Take That Shower With You” on their front page, Cappello was fondly called “Cap” before the tournament. He’s now called “that Italian” – ominous. Meanwhile, it gets even better for the cheating French. The team and manager, Raymond Domenech, were hauled up in front of the French government yesterday to explain their shameful exit from the WC.The hearing went ahead despite threats from FiFa that they would ban the cheese eaters from competition if there was political interference in football in the country. According to reports, Domenech, a Spaniard and a right bastard, was questioned for four hours but only gave long and rambling answers and avoided any specifics – is he related to Bertie Ahern? One French minister described the French team as, “rotten,spoiled brats”, while sports daily L’Equipe printed some of the exchanges between Nicholas Anelka and Domeneach during the WC, exchanges which led to the Chelsea strike being sent home. According to L’Equipe, Anelka told Domenech to “go fuck himself” adding that he was “the son of a whore”. Fair enough, and as World Cup rants go, not bad.However, our own Roy Keane still tops the rant charts since that fateful day he (walked out/was sent home) from the 2002 WC following his frothing at the gob tirade at Irish boss Mick McCarthy.

    “Mick, you’re a liar…you’re a fucking wanker. I didn’t rate you as a player, I don’t rate you as a manager, and I don’t rate you as a person. You’re a fucking wanker and you can stick your World Cup up your arse. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country and you’re not even Irish you English cunt! You can stick it up your bollocks,” Keano famously fumed.

    Now that’s what you call a proper rant, although you’d never hear the Leinster rugby crowd using language like that, not since the Pikey’s started following them anyway.

  19. You know Mr Out, just put John Martin on for the first time in a long time, “ It really don’t matter Angeline……..

    I want Brazil to win , not this team, I want Jair and Pele and Carlos Alberto back in gold and colour for the very 1st time .

    I want the south American dictator, heavily moustachioed, Rivalano doing banana kicks and Tostao smoking 20 gaspers… beating all comers.

    My pal told me his da gotta a colour TV for the 1st time ever in the house, for that tournament – Imagine that team being the 1st experience of colour TV.

    Bless that weather Mr Out .

    The Esso souvenir petrol coins of English players which my own Da picked up with his salmon pink Ford Anglia , Frannie Lee, Bobby Moore and the best ever ever save by a goalkeeper when Banksie deprived Pele.

    But I’d settle for a Spanish or Brazilian victory or saving that, the death metal chaos of Maradonna’s madness and beauty.

    I adore the vuvuvzelas

    I’m doing my intercert all over again.

    Kaka I loves you babeee

  20. Oooops Mr Sniffle. The Samba boys have crashed out. Only three sides left, U-are-gay, Germany and Argentina, that have won the tropy now and either Germany or Argentina will go out tomorrow. Will there be a new name on the trophy?

  21. Heart rendering stuff for Ghana, missed a penalty in extra time, last kick of the game. Lost out on penalties.

  22. Went for food tonight – subway (classy i is ) – thought yer man looked Brazilian – tried to empathize – he was from Pakistan.

    The fooking man conspired against me watching the samba kids being beat by the, miraculously still together, Dutch.

    I’m praying at a church gable wall in Mayo that Maradonna’s death metal chaos kids put the Teutonic Germans away.

    There’s gotta be some romance left in Joburg.

    Uruguay would never have won if Essien was playing.

    Brazil gone home – I’m not allowed say Kaka out loud anymore.

    At least the British boy lost at Wimbledon.

    Bitter ? Me ?

    Oh yeah, someone’s gotta do a new post here – you know who you are Mr. Out.

  23. I think Germany will beat Argentina this afternoon (and I reject any suggestions that this belief has anything to do with the fact that I live in Germany :-)).

    When I reflect on it, this belief works on a sort of religious foundation. It has to do with GOF (the God of Football), who is a jealous, irritable and often unreliable deity, but who has in the course of this tournament shown that he hates those who win as a result of hand-balls and other irregularities and punishes them even unto their children and their childrens’ children (or something like that, anyway).

    First there was France and their proud striker, Thierry Henry. GOF has punished them and shown them that he visits his justice on them, yea even in their pride at the fruits of their iniquity.

    Then there was England. Here did GOF show that his memory is long and his justice certain, even if long delayed and thus did he confound them in seemly like for their pride in a particular illicitly claimed goal in Wembley in the reign of Ramsey and Ball, Moore and Hurst.

    And now, this very afternoon, the blasphemous Maradonna, who once impiously claimed to be the very hand of GOF, sends his minions against the Germans, who were shown to be GOF’s instruments against the English. GOF will speak his justice once more that the world may see that he, GOF, is the true GOF …

    (Really, I’ve been feeling much better since I stopped taking the medication …)

  24. Maybe football should copy rugby and start awarding “goals” as in penalty tries.

    Following yesterday’s dramatic penalty shoot out between Uruguay and Ghana, Luis Suarez is seen by millions as the villain that denied the African continent a place in the last four of the WC for the very first time.

    Dominic Adiyiah’s 119+ minute header was destined for the back of the net, until Suarez, on noticing that his fairly eccentric (aren’t they all) looking keeper had gone on a safari around the six yard box, quite literally took matters into his own hands and handled the ball on the line.

    The handball prevented a 2-1 win for Ghana as there was only seconds remaining.

    The ref, unlike the wretched whistle blower in Paris last year, noticed the offence, and produced a red card – and pointed to the spot.

    However, the ref in last night’s game had only these two options. Surely it would be fairer in situations like this to award a goal and send the player off.

    Suarez took one for the team then. However, his handball was not the same as Henry’s handball I reckon – he’s not French for a start.

    Suarez, who could now be handed a two-match ban, said, – the grin on his face betraying his lack of remorse – : “This was the end of the World Cup. I had no choice.”

    I have no doubt he is a hero back in Uruguay.

    Meantime, Asamoah Gyan, who lined up the resulting penalty, will have to live with his miss for the rest of his life. An entire continent held its breath – remember O’Leary in 1990 – but he clipped the crossbar with the last kick off the game.

    However, if FiFa, I know, I know, started awarding goals in situations like that then he would never have been put in that position. All the witch doctors, God’s and vuvuzela’s in Africa couldn’t suck the ball under the bar.

    If Gyan wasn’t leaning back when he took the kick it might have helped also. God helps those that help themselves.

    “We’re Ghana do it”, read the African Times yesterday. Sadly it wasn’t to be – no offence to Uruguay. The Africans played with a certain amount of charm – and tactical naiveté. There’s a few romantics in the Uruguay side also.

    Diego Forlan, whose spectacular free kick restored parity during play said: “I thought we were out.

    “I was convinced we were going home. When I saw the ball go into the stand it was unbelievable – Suarez saved us.”

    Hard to escape the conclusion that justice wasn’t served last night.

    Luis Suarez. A hero or a villain?

    Meantime, I’m backing Germany to do the buisness today – but it will be Klose.

    He’s winning his 100th cap today I believe.

  25. It’s very unfair. Suarez prevented a certain goal, but Ghana were penalised by being forced to try again, instead of simply having a penalty goal awarded as would happen in rugby.

  26. Agreed. He’ll get a two match ban I reckon – no consolation to Ghana – which will see him miss Uruguay’s final two games in the WC. Heart breaking for Ghana.

    Meanwhile, I notice that Maradonna has implied that the match officals for the England and Germany game in South Africa are related to Andrea Bocelli..

    What about the match officals for the 86 game between Argentina and England Diego, relatives of Ray Charles no doubt?

  27. Thanks Seconds out for the Roy Keane reminder, proves he was a world class player, more balls than Henry anyway.
    Germany look to have more cohesiveness and desire than the rest. I hope they win.

  28. I’ll go for a repeat of the 1974 final between Germany and Holland in Germany. That final, which Germany won, was delayed at the start for a few minutes because the Germans, of all people, forgot to put corner flags on the pitch. It’s a scandal that Mueller will miss the semi-final v Spain after receiving a yellow card for a fairly innocuous looking handball, especially when Dutch midfielder Van Bommell was creasing Brazilians from the opening whistle up in their last eight clash. Van Bommell should have been sent off at least three times.He’s an assassin, people are in Mountjoy for less. That’s what you get when you hand big matches to referees without experience of officiating at that level, thanks again FiFa. I expect Germany to appeal the Mueller suspension.

  29. Today, I’ll be mostly nailing my colours to the mast of a Spanish Armada.

  30. Limerick lost in the Munster final again today, beaten by a shower of baboons from Kerry. Lims losing sequence now stretches back to 1896, one hundred and fourteen years, spanning three centuries. Consistency in a world gone mad.

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