I’d be willing to bet me wellies that this post is being opened by some irate Christy Moore fans. Well, rest easy. I don’t know Christy Moore and I haven’t listened to him since the first time I heard him and decided he were bloody pants. I have no reason to believe that he’s a prick but you’d have to admit that you are reading this post because of t’ title.
So why have I called this post as I did? It’s a lesson in marketing that was taught to me by the manager of a band I played in for a short time called The Black Scorpions. He were a pawky lad by the name of Scott Lieberman – (real name: Stanley Bardsley). He worked in the steel mills with me dad but, by eck, did he have a good head for marketing.
It was March ’74 and we were asked to play at Brammal Lane, the home of me beloved Blades.
The Black Scorpions had just scored a hit with Ride Me Like Your Mamma Did, Sister and we were all looking forward to playing in our home town again. Stanley had changed his name because he felt his real name was shit and he asked if he could become band’s manager. I laughed and then I saw a press photographer so I headbutted Scott. The lad understood why I did it and that convinced me that this lad could be up to the job.
The first thing he did was sit us down and ask us what we intended to call our second album. I told him it was to be called Spank Me Til I Like It. He shook his head in a dismissive manner so I bloody chinned him again.
When he recovered, he explained that, in order to create a buzz about the album without laying out money, we should call it something controversial and accompany it with an album cover that would be sure to be banned.
Bloody genius, that lad. So it was that our second album, Ghandi’s Love Child was born. There was a skinny, bald lad – ironically called Len Kingsley – living nearby so we sprayed him with fake tan, gave him a swastika tattoo and pictured him doing a fit bird doggy style on a four poster bed. That was the cover of our second album. We leaked the picture of the cover to the press and then shit really hit bloody fan.
Every bloody hippy in the world when buck ape about it. They were calling for us to be sued. One group called for us to be jailed and our album release was postponed. I was thinking about giving Scott a bloody good chinning because the record company refused to release the thing. Scott stood firm and pre sales of the album were putting it at bloody platinum. The record company eventually released it with a black cover and simply called it The Black Scorpions II. It sold by the bloody bucket load. If t’ bloody internet had been around at the time, everyone would’ve seen the original album cover but only a few people ever saw it.
Unfortunately, later that year our bass player, Ziggy Foreskin, died of a chicken goujon overdose. We couldn’t carry on without him so we broke up t’ band. Shame really. Scott went on to manage several other high profile bands but we never worked together again. He was bloody trailblazer though. He started off that style of promotion, did Scott.
He come to see me a few years back, after he heard about my freakish transformation at the hand of bloody magnetic field. He wanted to manage me again. He said that we could positively charge me and get me to “accidentally” electrocute a fan. He even said, little Len Kingsley was up for the job. I declined through contractual obligations to Ry Cooder. Might work with him again someday so stay tuned.