Who do you reckon was behind the Lourdes bomb scare?
I suppose it could have been Richard Dawkins, except he’d have made a bomb that worked.
It could have been ETA, finally getting sense and having a go at something worth blowing up. Or PETA, getting militant and trying to wipe out 30,000 spiritual carnivores for eating the body of Christ. The problem is, you can’t really make much of a bomb out of tofu.
For my money, though, the evidence points to a turf war, which means only one thing: the killer monks of Medjugorje, operators of the newest and most successful vision scam, who managed to keep their money-making operation going right through the vicious Yugoslavian civil war. Obviously, with the downturn in the world economy, people aren’t travelling as much, so the only answer is to take out the opposition, and these guys are good at that. After all, they managed to outmanoeuvre their local bishop who wanted to close them down, and they managed to work profitably with all factions in the war, Croat, Bosnian and Serb.
Of course, it might have been the Venerable Keepers of the Rathkeale Stump, accepting no substitutes and laying down a marker as the custodians of the One True Our Lady. Carpet bombing, so to speak.
Finally, it could have been the Blessed Virgin herself, sick and tired of all the bullshit, who finally turned to Satanism and decided to possess Joe Coleman.
Get over there to France, Joe, and blow up them feckers like a good lad, while I open a can and light up a spliff.