Khalid Kelly the Irish Jihadist

“I always believe Islam is terrorism. We are told to terrorise the enemies of Islam. The world will become a dangerous place. Everybody had better start embracing Islam or people will start flying planes into buildings again.”

The above quote is not attributed to Osama bin Laden, but our own Paddy the Jihadist, the bould Khalid Kelly.

I was attracted to the peculiar predicament of Paddy the Jihadist after reading today’s letter in the Irish Times from the Muslim Council of Ireland ex secretary general, Mohammed Alkabour.

Terence Khalid Kelly is a former altar boy from the Liberties area of Dublin. Incidentally, bin Laden studied in London and was an Arsenal fan. Didn’t you just know he’d be a Gunner.

Attracted by the tax-free salary, Paddy the Jihadist went to Saudi Arabia in 1996 to work in a hospital. However, he was jailed in 2000 for bootlegging whiskey – as all Islamicists and ex alter boys do – and locked up in Al-Ha’ir prison where he was radicalised by an Afghan Islamicist. He was ready to be – rad-ical -ised – as Lloyd Cole and the Commotions might sing.

“Looking like a born again Living like a heretic Won’t be reading Norman Mailer Or getting a new tailor, ” – crooned Paddy and his radicalised mates as they swayed from side to side in a padded cell deep in the bowls of of the Al-Ha’ir correctional facility.

Paddy’s now believed to be somewhere in the badlands of Pakistan en route to Afghanistan where he hopes to realise his “dream” of killing a Brit in battle, although an America would do nicely also. He’s not particular. Paddy the Jihadist, 43, also hopes that his son, Osama – he’s named after the patron saint of air traffic controllers, bin Laden, Kelly’s role model – will be efficient with weapons by the time he is ten and graduates to become a suicide bomber.

Most of us just want our sons to sign for Man United, even Prospect Priory will do, but Paddy the Jihadist has a career path marked out for the bairn as they say in Glasgow.

“I hope he goes to jannah (heaven) before marriageable age,” said the proud dad, who also believes that Ireland is a legitimate target: “Ireland has a US embassy so it is open to attack”.

We could go on all day about Paddy the Jihadist. However, I will say this. You can’t blame this one on the Catholic Church, the Christian Brothers, Nuns or the GAA. Terence was once an angelic altar boy in Dublin but has since flown right over the cuckoo’s nest. He’s out there in the Tora Bora as we speak, radicalised and dreaming his impossible dreams – how will he cope with seventy Irish virgins?


Previously on Bock:

Imagine being a dead Muslim

13 replies on “Khalid Kelly the Irish Jihadist”

Was it on this site that I saw Bin Laden was an Arsenal fan while he lived London! A Gunner man A Gunner

It was probably some eegit in here repeating humself Rob. Osama is a from the marble halls alright. Meantime, note how the Muslim Council stay silent on Al and the crew murdering us filthy infidels, but the minute Paddy gets involved they’re on his back straight away. Typical. Just cause his Irish and an alter boy.

I can’t explain that Rob. Paddy will be radical as long as drink is involved – and in fairnes Khalid Kelly was bootlegging whiskey in Saudi – eat your heart out Steve Earl (Copperhead Road). However, Islam cured him of his drinking, wickedness and cussing and helped him focus on murdering folk.

Seconds Out, where in the name of fuck is anyone going to find 70 irish virgins? hmmm? wha?? Male or Female. That would be like finding that Ivor Calelley is an honest man!! or that there is such a thing as an honest banker! or 70,

Finding 70 Irish virgins would not be a major challenge. Finding 70 Irish virgins that would be of legal age and willing is an altogether different prospect.
I’ve never understood why 70 virgins would be seen as a good reward. Give me 2 hot porn stars with lesbian tendencies and throw in a bottle of Johnson Baby oil, a feather duster and a half packet of maltesers and I’d be willing to Jihad for anyone.

Would you like to expand, so to speak, on the Maltesers bit Mr Fukker – just for research puirposes of course?

Maltesers melt in your mouth but no in your b,,,,oh, nevermind, nevermind.

What would you use the feather duster for I wonder? Cob webs?
Khalid Kelly has the right idea I think.. with the economy here as it is. Might be a better life style out there. Nice weather too.

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