“I always believe Islam is terrorism. We are told to terrorise the enemies of Islam. The world will become a dangerous place. Everybody had better start embracing Islam or people will start flying planes into buildings again.”
The above quote is not attributed to Osama bin Laden, but our own Paddy the Jihadist, the bould Khalid Kelly.
I was attracted to the peculiar predicament of Paddy the Jihadist after reading today’s letter in the Irish Times from the Muslim Council of Ireland ex secretary general, Mohammed Alkabour.
Terence Khalid Kelly is a former altar boy from the Liberties area of Dublin. Incidentally, bin Laden studied in London and was an Arsenal fan. Didn’t you just know he’d be a Gunner.
Attracted by the tax-free salary, Paddy the Jihadist went to Saudi Arabia in 1996 to work in a hospital. However, he was jailed in 2000 for bootlegging whiskey – as all Islamicists and ex alter boys do – and locked up in Al-Ha’ir prison where he was radicalised by an Afghan Islamicist. He was ready to be – rad-ical -ised – as Lloyd Cole and the Commotions might sing.
“Looking like a born again Living like a heretic Won’t be reading Norman Mailer Or getting a new tailor, ” – crooned Paddy and his radicalised mates as they swayed from side to side in a padded cell deep in the bowls of of the Al-Ha’ir correctional facility.
Paddy’s now believed to be somewhere in the badlands of Pakistan en route to Afghanistan where he hopes to realise his “dream” of killing a Brit in battle, although an America would do nicely also. He’s not particular. Paddy the Jihadist, 43, also hopes that his son, Osama – he’s named after the patron saint of air traffic controllers, bin Laden, Kelly’s role model – will be efficient with weapons by the time he is ten and graduates to become a suicide bomber.
Most of us just want our sons to sign for Man United, even Prospect Priory will do, but Paddy the Jihadist has a career path marked out for the bairn as they say in Glasgow.
“I hope he goes to jannah (heaven) before marriageable age,” said the proud dad, who also believes that Ireland is a legitimate target: “Ireland has a US embassy so it is open to attack”.
We could go on all day about Paddy the Jihadist. However, I will say this. You can’t blame this one on the Catholic Church, the Christian Brothers, Nuns or the GAA. Terence was once an angelic altar boy in Dublin but has since flown right over the cuckoo’s nest. He’s out there in the Tora Bora as we speak, radicalised and dreaming his impossible dreams – how will he cope with seventy Irish virgins?
Previously on Bock: