Aug 052010
 

They was just a bag of dirty old rocks, innit? well-known clothes-horse, Naomi Campbell, informed the War Crimes Tribunal at the trial of the despicable Charles Taylor. I ain’t used to seein diamonds like that, innit.  I’m used to gettin’ ’em in a box, cos I’m dead classy, know wot I mean?

Here’s the thing.  Two strangers knock at your bedroom, and when you open the door, they hand you a little bag.

Here’s a present.

Oh, thanks very much, complete stranger.  I won’t bother asking who you are.  Goodnight, now.  I’ll look in this little bag when I go back to bed.

Then you go to sleep without opening the bag, as one does when handed a gift by complete strangers.  Next morning, when you look in the bag, you say, Fack!  It’s just a pile of dirty fackin pebbles, but I’ll carry them around with me anyways, innit?

You then bring the pouch of dirty pebbles to breakfast, where you meet Mia Farrow and Carole White.  You tell them what happened but you don’t show them the stones.  Nevertheless, they correctly guess that you must have been given a bag of diamonds.

Right.  You probably had a lot on your mind, judging the World Flying Pig Championships.

Campbell initially refused to attend the court and had to be subpoenaed.  She complained bitterly about the inconvenience of giving evidence at the trial of a man accused of mass-murder, rape and enslavement of child soldiers. I imagine it wasn’t nearly as inconvenient as having your arm hacked off by Taylor’s militias.

It was a strange bunch partying at Nelson Mandela’s home.  Mia Farrow.  Imran Khan.  Naomi Campbell.  It’s like an international celebrity version of Cluedo.  Charlie Taylor with the bag of diamonds in the corridor.

Nobody knows why Taylor gave Naomi Campbell a pouch of uncut blood diamonds.  Maybe it was a gesture of respect from one tyrannical despot to another.


  3 Responses to “Naomi Campbell and Charles Taylor’s Blood Diamonds”

Comments (3)
  1.  

    and to make matters worse for poor naomi ( godhelpus) when she was finished giving her maky uppy fantasy land gum drop lane evedence the prosecution then disowned her saying that she was not their witness after having supoenaed her, I presume they just didn’t want to be associated with the blabber nonsense that came from her.

    it is really fantastic though to think that she would think that people would swallow that crock that she has put out there as the truth, ( but it is govnor, honest)

  2.  

    afaik, when she opened the bag she said “They was Dirty Old Stones, weren’t dey?”

    If I was Mick, I’d sue.

  3.  

    I thought that the funniest bit of her ‘evidence’ was when she calmly stated that she quite regularly received gifts in the middle of the night from unknown admirers. It made me think of dear old Bertie for a minute or two – although of course most of his windfalls were won on the gee-gees.

    Now maybe I’m not a nice person, but I couldn’t help wondering what Naomi might have done that might have prompted so many unknown sponsors to bestow mid-night gifts upon her with such regularity.

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